Liv to Pop How to Get to Your Chewy Center

what if i told you

that i thought the only way to my

happiness

was my own funeral

pretty sick right now warning i’m going

to get

very graphic with you

it was october of 2019

god i remember this day like it was

yesterday

i was standing in my kitchen gazing at

my block of knives

trying to decide which knife do i use on

myself

so being the overachiever that i am i

chose the largest and the sharpest knife

i held that knife up to my neck

god i can still remember the cold blade

steel pressing against my throat

i was drunk as it was the only way i

could summon the courage

to take my own life but at the same time

i’m also

crying because i know in my heart of

hearts

i may not be able to do this you see all

i

wanted in that moment was for the pain

to

stop and to find peace

but the problem was i thought

the only way to find peace was to rest

in peace

spoiler alert no i did not end my life

now you so-called normal people

might be thinking to yourselves suicide

man that sure is a long-term solution to

a short-term problem am i right

well for someone who is suicidal

the only word that i hear in that

sentence is solution

you see when you’re suicidal you’re

living only and completely in the

present moment

and you cannot convince yourself that

things will ever get better

that’s just the nature of the beast now

you’re also probably thinking to

yourself

that suicide is a selfish act

am i right and you’re probably thinking

did i ever stop and think about the

people i would leave behind

well most people who are suicidal

do think about the people they would

leave behind they believe the world will

be better off without them

in it it’s called burdensomeness

and lastly maybe you’re thinking to

yourself that suicide is a

selfish act okay

well let me ask you one question

are you seriously brave enough to

contemplate slicing your own

throat i was

so how did suicide become my only

solution

why did i believe the world would be

better off without me in it

how did i work up the courage you heard

that right the courage

to want to take my own life well

it’s important to know that i had a

pretty good childhood growing up you

know i had two parents no trauma or

abuse to speak of

things were really good until they

weren’t

at the age of 23 years old i lost my

best friend

my father suddenly and unexpectedly to a

heart attack

i buried four more family members

following his loss

i suffered and still suffer from bipolar

disorder

depression and alcoholism

i got kicked out of college at one point

oh and not to mention i was in an

eight-year

toxic relationship with a heroin addict

she couldn’t quote heroin

and i couldn’t quit her do i really need

to say more

so fast forward a couple years down the

road

as i was reflecting on my problems and

in an effort to solve my problems

i was enjoying a tootsie roll pop

i did that every once in a while and it

got me thinking

what if the key to personal problem

solving

is a lot like working our way through a

tootsie roll pop

right now hear me out it’s not until you

get a taste of that

sweetness do you then build up the

courage to work your way to the chewy

center now the chuwi center is the best

part

i want you to look at the chuwi center

as the solution to your problems

what are you struggling with right now

what are you going through that has a

hard outer shell to it

is it mental illness is it a

relationship is it grief

is it lost is it finishing college is it

trying to find the right career path

is it self-love the list is endless

now in order to reach your chuwi center

there is a process you must follow now

you can’t just skip it the process okay

it doesn’t work that way

for example i mean you could bite down

on this

but you don’t want to because you might

break a tooth and the last thing you

need is another problem

not to mention a high dental bill and

you don’t really

want to rush the process because you

might do more harm than good

yeah i mean you could take a hammer to

it but let’s face it

the solution to your problem at the

chubby center is worth

the wait now let’s face it how many of

you can actually take a few licks at the

tootsie pop and just put it down

am i right just like a problem you can’t

just take a few whacks at it and quit

both take determination and stick

tuitiveness both

are worth the effort and often

the solution to our problems at that

chewy

center is what’s missing in our lives

when we are hopeless when we are

suicidal and when we are depressed

when we stumble and we fall we can

forget who we

are and we can lose a sense

that we forget that there is still

beauty at the center

of our story now the center

that is your saving grace can also be a

chewy nugget of hope

it can be that light that beams through

the window when you’re about to overdose

on pills

it can be that phone call that you

receive when you’re about to pull the

trigger

it can be that aroma of jasmine in the

air that you smell

when you’re about to jump off the

building

now the day i wanted to end my life was

in fact the day

i gave up on my chewy center

but i later realized it wasn’t that i

really wanted to die

i just didn’t want to live a bad life

so the question is are you living a bad

life

do you love someone who is what problem

are you

facing that has that hard outer shell of

resistance

would you like my advice on how to reach

your chewy center

well i’m going to give you the first

lesson on licking that problem number

one select the flavor of change you

would like

to make pretty good right i know i’m

sorry i can’t be there if i was there

i would have given each and every one of

you one of these and i’m sure you’re

gonna want one at the end of this talk

select the flavor of change you would

like to make

happens change does not

you see in order to be the change in

your life you first have to want it

and to lick it change requires moving

past the past making a new future for

yourself

and most importantly is doing things

differently are you repeating the same

thought patterns

over and over and over do you find

yourself

befriending dating even marrying

different people would have the same set

of issues as the last ones

do you feel incapable of making positive

changes

you’re here been there done that well

the reason for this is because

we find ourselves in the same place

looking for the same thing

just like a tootsie pop okay let’s go

back to the tootsie pop for example

if you select the same flavor every

single time

you will never know what else is out

there and it will always taste the same

to you

you see a lot of our hesitation to

change comes from the fear of trying

something new so what do we do we go

back to our old ways

we make the same choices over and over

and ultimately over time

nothing changes so

i encourage you to do one thing

differently each day

if you want to be the change in your

life just do one thing differently every

day whether that means foregoing that

glass of red wine

replacing sweets for a workout or

replacing self negative talk with self

love

so the question is what will you do

differently

tomorrow the second lesson on licking

that problem

is to become an unwrapped version of

yourself

but don’t let it dry out now you see in

order to

find the solution to that chewy center

you must first accept the problem then

be honest about that problem

it’s all about getting past this wrapper

you see a lot of you can look at the

wrapper as a protective covering

not allowing others to see what’s inside

of you are you protecting who you are

do can you get through the day without

being wrapped what does

self-acceptance look like to you

now a lot of the reasons we choose to

keep this wrapper on

is because we don’t want to face the

music we don’t want to be judged by

others

or we don’t want to be a burden to

others this creates an identity that we

struggle to maintain

people want to know that when they

unwrap the problem

there will be a resolution not an

execution

so remember when you keep your struggles

wrapped you are only hurting yourself

help yourself by letting others

help you now let’s take this off

okay become an unwrapped version of

yourself

third lesson is to lick your way through

the hard outer shell of resistance

to that change now

tootsie pops are actually known for

their catchphrase

how many licks does it take to get to

the tootsie roll center

well depends on who you ask and the

reason for this is because

we all produce a different amount of

saliva and we all have our own style of

licking a tootsie pop

some people will simply suck on it and

savor it others will aggressively lick

it over and over

now although tootsie pops are all the

same size

problems are not

but each problem there are going to be

problems out there that actually will

take more licks than others

and sometimes you might not realize your

potential

until you exceed your own expectations

and often

the expectations of others fourth

lesson is to expose the soft chewy

center at the heart of the change you

want to make

now there comes a part in the process

when you start to taste that chewy

center

now that’s when you know you’re getting

close

finding a way to dig through is the

moment you find your chewy

center it’s the moment you preserve the

real you it’s the moment

your inner core is saved as you expose

each underlying layer you will

eventually get to the best part

chewy relief and hopefully healing

now the last lesson is to repeat steps

three and four until

you reach your chewy center

by this point you already put in the

lead work or in this case

the lick work you already know what to

do you already know what works and what

doesn’t work now it’s important that

you’re not

repeating bad behaviors bad patterns bad

choices

i’m talking about repeating what you’ve

prepared

and lastly the tootsie pop can also

represent your circle of influence

be careful with whom you share your

tootsie pop with

there will be people in this world who

get a taste of your sweetness and they

will want to take advantage of you

they will chew you up and swallow you

whole they will bite and bite until they

get what they want don’t let others be

the reason you lose your

flavor make sure you wrap yourself with

the right people

wrapped around you colorful wonderful

people

who love you who care about you and are

eager to help you lick the problem

but not the actual tootsie pop because

that’s really gross

so the question is how many licks does

it take to get to the tootsie roll

center

only you will know thanks