How to find your perfect partner

[Music]

imagine

imagine if an expert

gave you the tools that you needed in

order to attract

your perfect partner would you use them

hold on to that thought and lean in

as i tell you a love story

it’s 2001 and i am divorced

but i feel like i’m ready to get back

into the dating scene

and i want to try something new and so i

sign

up for match.com now

after a few months of very interesting

dates

a few marriage proposals and me getting

ready to give up

this attractive guy messages me and says

hey

check out my profile i really like yours

let’s connect

sincerely mr x okay

i check out mr x’s profile he seems like

a great guy

i like what he has to say so we exchange

numbers

and we end up talking that night for a

few hours

we also agree to meet at starbucks the

next day

we have a great time the next day we end

up talking

connecting and we end up dating for a

few more months

now before i continue with my story

i need to tell you a little secret

this is the same guy that just

a few days prior i had swiped over his

profile

because something didn’t resonate

honestly i don’t know exactly what it

was

but i chose to ignore that little voice

some of us call it our intuition

so why why did i choose to ignore that

little voice

why did i choose to get into another

relationship

after being divorced

it came down to the lack of one word

clarity i did not know my boundaries

i did not know my non-negotiables and i

didn’t know my values

all i knew was that this guy

treated me better than my ex-husband

who had absolutely no interest

in being intimate or vulnerable with me

and so mr x just felt better

now let me ask you guys a question

how many of you have settled

with being with someone just because

they treated you better

than your previous partner i did

and that is why i struggled and in

talking to friends

to family to clients that is the number

one reason why they struggle too

we end up getting into these

relationships these surface

relationships

where we think we know what we want and

then they end up

in massive breakups or divorce

so why is clarity the number one

thing to help you attract your perfect

partner

clarity removes everything that you

don’t want

in order to move forward into what you

do want

it helps you know exactly where you want

to go

so how do we gain clarity how do we

know exactly what we want by asking

some very important questions

questions like what are my boundaries

what are my values and what are my

non-negotiables

second how do i want my partner

to communicate with me

third how and what do i need

in order for my partner to love me

better

and lastly what is my

love language and what are some of the

things

that help me feel loved now i encourage

you

before you fill out those dating

profiles before you go on your first

date or your next date

and even if you’re in a relationship to

ask yourself

these questions now back to my story

it is now 10 years later and i am

married to mr x i am

a sad unhappy unfulfilled woman

i have become the yes woman

to all the people in my life and worse

i have become dependent on

my happiness and unhappiness on my

husband

i am sad and i am miserable and i know

that this is not the way to live

something needs to change i need to

change i feel

lost and worse i feel like a victim

so i do what a lot of people do when

they feel lost

i went on a soul-searching journey to

find myself

i read and listened to hours of

self-help books

i spent thousands of dollars on

self-help programs

i became a coach and a mentor in several

different areas

i studied the law of attraction for

hours

and had mentors like abraham hicks

ecartoli and brene brown

and although all of these pieces were a

beautiful part of my healing

they were all outside myself

and do you know where i finally found

the answer

right here inside of my heart and inside

of myself

when i realized this everything changed

i realized that i was the creator of my

own reality that i got to choose

who i wanted to be with

so how is it that this happened

how is it that i got to this

huge aha two words

self-reflection i needed to

take a long look at all my fails

at all my unhappiness and not depend on

any

anyone else if i wanted

anything to change i needed to change i

chose to be the victor and no

longer the victim so how is it

that we do self-reflection when it feels

so scary

and uncomfortable and messy

again it’s by asking some very important

questions

that may sound familiar the first one

do i honor my boundaries

my values and my non-negotiables

how do i communicate with

all of the people in my life

do i own up to my own

happiness and unhappiness

and lastly and most importantly

do i love myself enough

to make a change

so why self-reflection how and how does

it even

begin to attract your perfect partner

because if we aren’t willing to heal

those wounds

if we aren’t willing to heal those

limiting beliefs

keeping us stuck from a great

relationship

we can never attract more

than we are now it’s the law

so in self-reflecting

that was a huge piece of my healing and

now

i go back or forward to the last part of

my story

it is now 2018 and i am

loving the woman i have become i am

focusing on my own life

i am focusing on my daughter and i am

focusing

on just living the best life i can

then one day this sadness falls over me

and i realize that i crave for someone

to co-create with

someone to have beautiful adventures

with and align with the woman that i

have become

suddenly tears start streaming down my

face

and i look up

and i say where is he

where is the man that is coming to align

with me

i ask that he be brought to me that he

be shown to me

to align with who i have become

i wipe the tears from my face knowing

that by releasing the outcome he will be

led to me

and i will be led to him

it’s now a few months later and a

girlfriend and i plan to take a road

trip to portland

we’re having a great time and a few days

after we get there we decide to go out

we’re having a great time we’re dancing

when all of a sudden i bump into this

guy

i look at him and his energy is magnetic

he’s beautiful and he is someone that

feels like i have known for lifetimes

we end up spending an evening together

exchange numbers

and he leaves now

a few days later you know my girlfriend

goes home

and i get the courage to call him

and see if he can hang out for a few

more days

now we end up spending more days

together and

i just love who he is and and i really

resonate with him

this time though something’s different

i am different and i know

that i am ready i’m not ready for

another committed relationship

i know my boundaries i know my values

and i know at this point in my life

i just want to have fun besides i think

what can happen he lives three thousand

miles away

i’m in florida and he’s in portland it

was incredible

we ended up talking across three

thousand miles

for a year and a half we had great

beautiful conversations over the phone

we aligned

and we built this beautiful connection

and

ended up ascending into love we

eventually moved in together but my

favorite part

is our communication when those

messy uncomfortable conversations

that we tend to have in relationships

come up

we come from a place of love and

understanding

and self-reflection to resolve whatever

issue comes up

so wait how did i attract my perfect

partner

who attracted me

inspired action inspiration

is that thing that lights our souls on

fire

action is what moves us forward into

whatever it is that we want

so how do we take inspired action

again by asking two very important

questions

the first one is what is one false

limiting belief that is keeping me stuck

from a great relationship i am not good

enough

nobody wants me i’m to this i’m to that

and the next question is what is one

inspired action

that i can take every time i think about

this limited belief

to replace it so things like meditation

affirmations a lifestyle change a diet

change

those are all forms of inspired action

so now i have shared three tools with

you

to attract your perfect partner

and now you have a decision to make

you can stay where you are now or you

can say hell

yes to what you want and who

you want to be with

so say yes say yes to you

say yes to what you want say yes to

whatever lights your soul on fire

say yes to love and say yes

to your perfect partner who is also

out there saying yes to you

thank you

you