Changing Perspective from Shame to Selfworth

so as i stand on stage of

one of america’s most prestigious

colleges

for a world-class speaking platform

i’m thinking how did a little girl from

south auckland new zealand get here

and then it occurred to me that i’m

about to tell you

i’m about to tell you my greatest shame

i didn’t finish high school

trust me the irony is not lost on me

right now

i formed a solid belief system

and an identity around this and i just

felt not good enough and i didn’t know

why and my fear was

not that you would think i was stupid

it was that you would think i was not

good enough

and i grew up working class and

uneducated

and i wore this perceived inadequacy

like a cloak of shame and this

inadequacy it showed up

badly in every area of my life

and my income my body my career and in

my relationships

and honestly at 15 what chance did i

have

i was worthless and the world

was reflecting that back to me

i bounced around you know community

education for about three years

when i turned 18 i found photography

i fell in love and i found my path

i am a portrait photographer and i have

been so

for 30 years i spent the first

10 years just obsessively

mastering my craft and i found

my value in mastery and let me tell you

something about mastery because it

doesn’t matter

who you are or where you come from

or where you were born no one

can take mastery away from you

mastery gave me the confidence that i

did not get from

education and i worked my way up

to become an associate photographer all

of a sudden i’m 23 years old

and i’m photographing wealthy

successful high profile people lawyers

doctors

surgeons athletes nobody

seemed to care that i did not have an

education in fact they were

elevating me all of these smart

accomplished people were sitting for me

and they taught me something you see the

camera

is a remarkable tool you can talk to

someone for

any length of time in complete comfort

but the moment i bring my camera up to

my

face the moment it covers my

eyes i see you go to

vulnerability

sorry i just lost my slime so this time

i’m nearly 30 years old i have a really

cool job but i’m a minimum wage

and i dreamed of starting a business

i had no money i had no education

i had no value i will be a screaming

success

and at the time of starting my business

and unlocking my value i went to my mum

and i asked why didn’t you two ever

start a business

my mom looked at me and she said we did

we lost it this was news to me i did not

know this

and when i think about it they were 21

and 22 years old with three small

children they were children with

children

and then my mom said the one line

to me that would profoundly

change my life she said

dad couldn’t ask for money

and that broke my heart and i distinctly

remember

in that moment thinking

that is unacceptable to me

my parents are good people hard-working

people

they deserve more but it doesn’t work

like

that does it i soon learned

when i started my own business that i

was exactly the same

i could not sell my own work

i could not ask for or receive

money in equal value and i absolutely

could not honour myself

now i understand value for my craft i

was already working on that but this is

beyond

that it seemed to come

from me it gave me physical

and emotional pain to put myself

out there and put my work out there and

again

it showed up in every part of my life

why do we constantly ignore the fact

that we carry all of our emotional pain

on our bodies it’s pretty obvious the

ego

tells big grandiose lies

but the body does not lie it’s always

reflecting your pain

we carry so much shame over debt

so many wounds from our childhood we

carry so much

pain and shame in our bodies

but debt and unwanted weight and

battling your own self-hate are just

classic

symptoms of avoidance and you see

the shame isn’t our enemy

it is the guiding light to your

self-worth your

pain simply comes from resistance

and non-acceptance of yourself

sales is a value metric in business

and money is a value metric to self

that’s why you cannot create abundance

without

self-worth because you have to be able

to receive it

money follows value success follows

self-worth

and this was my turning point

abundance is not a metric for good and

bad

bad people make money but

rather it’s a metric for worthy

and worthless and when you’re trapped in

a debt

cycle you feel powerless

and it just feels unfair

and then you find out this abundance

that is available

is not decided by birthright

or social assessment in fact

nobody decides you’re worthy the

only person that can decide to be worthy

of

anything is you

and when you live month to month

you don’t dream and you don’t make

big plans you just try to survive

and there is no expansion

when you dwell in a place of survival

make

no mistake this is self-value

work and it’s hard this is mirror work

and this is about you

and the worst and the best part of it is

you are the poison and you are the

antidote

and when you come to full acceptance

of your now and take

responsibility for what you have and

take back ownership of all

areas of your life until you

disable your old story and learn

a new way to perceive and

present yourself to the world it will

continue

to disempower you so how do you

rewrite this story

come back to the moment right when you

feel

fear before you take action

number one question everything

fear says and if you can stay

in conscious awareness and just

observe your own thoughts in this moment

you will see yourself searching

for the old story and whatever you do

in this moment do not numb

it do not numb this pain

don’t eat it don’t drink it don’t shop

it

we’ve become a numbing culture

just feel it and observe it

and when we disable our avoidance

we not only feel in control we start

evolving and this is where you create

a new story just come back to observing

the pain there is a lesson here

for you you will become as successful

as the amount of pain you are willing to

endure

and the faster you accept the pain

the faster you move through it it’s

very important that you learn to stay

here

because if you go back to the past right

now

you will bring in resentment and then

you will empower their resentment

right now if you go into the future

right now with

worry and imagination you will bring

fear in and you will empower it in your

now

and instead what i want you to do

is comfort yourself stay present

feel the feeling watch your reaction

this is where you learn self-care

the longer you stay in any focus

the faster you attract in that

energy good or bad watch your

own pattern you created it

observe yourself until you realize

that you have complete control over how

you’re responding to it

i want you to try to master the focus

of self-acceptance self-awareness

and pure self-love because

this is where you challenge the old

identity

and i promise you there is

more power in emotional mastery

than in any skill you can learn

you know i thought the world was against

me for a really long time

until i realized i had nothing of value

to bring this world make your

daily practice self-awareness

self-acceptance self value and

self care every day in everything you do

and watch it transform your life

i’ve learned that you can be born

into poverty but not be poor

in here don’t carry poor me

around with you it’s about being able to

walk into a room so filled with value

to give you can do so in equal exchange

i learned the tremendous game-changing

transformation

that is open to each of us

is understanding and rewriting

our greatest shame our weakness

our failure of character the parts we

most

hate about ourselves and bring them

into the light i found no

physical barrier to success that was not

created by me

and i truly believed there was

i suffered deep shame from being

uneducated and ironically i built an

education company i empowered

my greatest shame and it became

my superpower you know this is not about

amassing millions although i’m okay with

that

it’s about going beyond survival

okay it’s about

getting past just enough to get by

it’s about abundance in all areas of

your life

deeper relationships and more

importantly

it’s the life i wanted to live i

deserved more

so i created more i built an incredible

business

and i found my confidence in the service

of my gifts

and i learned how to attract

manage and keep money breaking my own

debt cycle

i decided what i really wanted

and i declared it with certainty and

conviction

and then i focused on it every

single day and i did that

with obsessive focus and a heart

full of service to give and grow

and as i built more value in myself

and in my business i thrived

and it showed up in every area

of my life and every time i went back to

fear

and avoidance i remembered my

declaration

and i honored myself because the

antonym of shame is

honor and here’s the thing

you will never attract

more than what you believe you’re worth

so i challenge you find your value

and i promise you it is never

too late to rewrite your story