Old Friends New Perspectives

have you ever had someone in your life

who you couldn’t help but want to be a

little bit more like

be honest we all do my best friend beth

is that person for me

she truly has it all a happy-go-lucky

attitude

the most contagious energy and she’s

pretty much the life of any party

despite 70 years between us she’s my

rock

my confidant and my go-to girl i’ve

learned so much from her

but perhaps one of the most profound

things she’s ever said to me was this

no one teaches you how to get old the

population reference bureau reports that

we are faced with a rapidly changing

demographic

the number of americans aged 65 and

older

is projected to double by the year 2060

and this will only continue to grow

with life expectancy increasing elder

poverty rates dropping

and science improving soon one out of

five americans

will be age 65 and older this is not a

phenomena

unique to the u.s population landscape

either change is happening on a global

scale

between the years 2015 and 2050

globally the average life expectancy

will climb

8 years and the number of oldest old or

those age 80 and older

will triple the question is

what are we doing and how are we

addressing these changes

now you might be wondering what a 25

year old woman like myself knows about

getting older

my name is victoria kozar a first year

medical student at university of

connecticut school of medicine

with a passion for geriatrics and

advocacy i recently founded a geriatric

society chapter here at uconn

while advocating for older adults with

the alzheimer’s association

but most notably i took part in the

ultimate intergenerational experience

my senior year of college i took part in

the student in residence program

one of the first of its kind in the

nation for a full year i moved into

masonicare’s assisted living community

among individuals who are four to five

times my age

coming in i was so worried about what my

new neighbors would think

having a young person living in their

midst because to be honest

kids these days aren’t always painted in

the most flattering light

to my surprise i was quickly welcomed

and integrated into the community

my neighbors took me under their wings

and my routine became their routine

we ate our meals together participated

in the same daily activities

and i heard about their wants and needs

i spent my days exposed to lives i

thought would be so different from my

own

and i quickly found that that wasn’t

necessarily the case

my experience made me come face to face

with misconceptions i didn’t know i held

about aging

subconscious assumptions that were

immediately challenged

i was surrounded by individuals who had

just picked up a new skill or hobby

found love and celebrated every moment

my neighbors truly were so inspiring

one gentleman continued swimming miles

every week into his seventies

another woman excitedly set up the ipad

she got for her birthday

and one neighbor claimed she’d be young

forever as she danced around every room

she entered

this wasn’t what aging was supposed to

look like there was so much fullness in

the lives around me

something i never could have learned in

any classroom or book

most importantly i developed friendships

i never thought would be possible

friendships that still exist years later

my new friends and i had far more in

common than we ever could have imagined

we bonded over mutual interests

daily frustrations and insecurities

talking about everything

from life to loss and learning to

laugh at oneself our relationships were

not like that of a grandparent and a

grandchild

rather of genuine and sincere friends

you’d be surprised to hear that i

actually met my friend beth at a happy

hour social

bonding over our love of good food and

drinks

and handsome men but it only grew from

there

i’ve learned so much from her and gained

a deeper

appreciation and respect from growing up

in a time different than what i know

she tells me that i keep her with the

times and have her moving

and that we’re more like sisters never

having to sugarcoat things with each

other

beth has taught me to slow down to

appreciate the journey

as much as the destination and even to

look forward to growing old

and seeing all that comes from living a

long

good life the friendship we share

is a dynamic and mutually beneficial one

and one that i wish to share with others

but there is a challenge that we must

overcome

let me ask you what’s your biggest fear

heights snakes

financial instability perhaps even

public speaking like myself

how about this getting older

87 percent of americans have a fear of

getting old

whether it be loss of physical ability

cognitive decline

chronic illness or dying aging is an

unknown

it’s an uncertainty we all will be faced

with surrounded by a negative

connotation

the problem is this isn’t a fear we keep

to ourselves

it’s one that we project outwards as

well

with this fear ageism has become not

only the most widely experienced form of

discrimination

but according to the world health

organization it has become the most

socially normalized prejudice this is a

huge problem

leading to the marginalization of older

people

we see this on social media with over

4.2 million tweets about getting older

over two-thirds of them were negative

and in the workplace

with 64 of older workers personally

experiencing

or seeing others fall victim of ageism

making it clear

how poorly our aging and elderly are

being regarded

ageism and stereotypes about aging are

around us every day

even if we aren’t entirely aware of it

and it can appear harmless

a parent may dress their child up for

halloween as a grumpy old man

or a crazy cat lady or something might

be forgotten at work

and a co-worker states with a laugh oh

geez

must be my dementia acting up again

aging has become synonymous with

stagnation

and debilitation and this is deeply

ingrained

in the very fabric of our society

but what dictates what one can do in

their 60s

70s 80s or even 90s

or what these ages look like aging can’t

be a topic that is pushed off to deal

with later

or something we live in denial of it’s

happening to all of us

it is a fear that needs to be faced we

need to reframe how we view aging

and begin to embrace it together

how might we do that intergenerational

experiences and relationships

are a crucial first step to challenge

these stereotypes

and begin to bridge the generational gap

intergenerational relationships

have arisen recently as a hot topic but

are nothing new

there are day care centers set up in

nursing homes organizations like

generations united

pairing youth and older people together

in local programming and initiatives

like old friends and new

pairing graduate students with the

elderly to

abolish stereotypes held by young and

older light and cultivate friendships

research has proven that

intergenerational relationships

are invaluable to all who partake

activities that give older people a

sense of purpose has been shown

to prevent isolation and loneliness and

even

to slow cognitive decline children and

young adults who are involved in

intergenerational experiences

are not only less ageist but better

adjusted and have a more positive

outlook

on aging best of all the world health

organization has found

that those who have a more positive

outlook on aging can expect a 7.5 year

increase in their own life expectancy

and who doesn’t like the sound of that

some of my

fondest memories from college were the

weekends that my school friends came to

hang out in the neighborhood the sound

of laughter over a game of bingo

enjoying a favorite family recipe we

made together

sharing music from our childhoods i

remember one neighbor in particular

saying

i don’t remember there was this much

life in a room and my friends asked if

they could do this every weekend

i saw from my experiences how

intergenerational relationships

can be transformative strengthening

communities

and bringing people together with the

potential to change

how we as a society treat aging

in a world that’s continually expanding

and globalizing

it’s important now more than ever to

stay connected

with people of all ages programs that

propagate these relationships

are so important and together we can be

at the forefront

so let’s lead by example and make time

for the older people in our lives

whether it be a family member

a neighbor or the person who strikes up

a conversation with you at the grocery

store next week

and encourage others to follow suit

getting older is inevitable so we might

as well enjoy the ride

by opening our minds and reframing how

we view aging

we can learn today to live a better

tomorrow

for ourselves for our children

and ultimately the future no one might

teach you how to get old

but who says we have to thank you so

much