Dismantling Microaggressions Through the Power of Connection

[Music]

as an african-american woman

i am keenly aware of how the duality of

race and gender

impacts every aspect of my life it’s

simply something that follows me

everywhere that i go literally

like the time i was out shopping at a

department store

and this was one of those department

stores that prides itself

on one-to-one customer service so i’m

out shopping

and a woman comes over and stands right

in front of me

and tries to hand me her clothing items

i knew what was happening in that moment

but instead of reacting i decided to

pause

and she was just standing there looking

at me as i was standing there looking at

her

it was really really awkward and then i

responded

and said are you looking to me to store

your clothing items in a dressing room

for you

she looked me dead in the eye nodded her

head

and said yes one of the managers

witnessed the encounter from the other

side of the room and decided to come

over

to see what was happening and before i

walked away

i turned to the woman and said just so

that you know

i’m a customer just like you

how do we explain what happened in that

moment i mean

where was the confusion i was wearing a

winter coat and

a beanie had i actually worked there

it was clear that i was not on the clock

and as i reflect on that moment even

years later

it’s such a stark reminder that some

people will judge me first

based on what they see and this is an

example of a microaggression

microaggressions are everyday insults

usually directed towards marginalized

groups

sometimes by well-intentioned people and

this ranges from

intentionally mispronouncing ethnic

names to trying to be inclusive by using

language that conveys colorblindness

other times microaggressions clearly

expose ingrained prejudices

think of all of the isms racism sexism

ageism classism these are all embedded

in our systems our structures and our

norms

and if you break those down into

everyday brief interactions

you get microaggressions and one of the

most common ways

that we affirm systems of oppression

sometimes without even knowing it

is through microaggressions and that’s

what i want to talk to you about today

microaggressions is a term first coined

in the 1970s by harvard psychologist dr

chester pearce

and one of the most prominent

researchers on the topic today

is dr darrell sue and together

researchers have identified

three forms of microaggressions

microassaults

which are conscious and deliberate

actions think of it

as old-fashioned racism micro

insults are behaviors that demean a

person’s racial heritage

or identity and micro invalidations

simply invalidate the feelings and

experiences

of people of color i was so fascinated

with this topic

that i spent a year researching black

women’s experiences with

microaggressions

and some of them could recall extreme

forms which included name calling

and being singled out in the classroom

by their peers

and even their teachers as early as

kindergarten

and this type of behavior was also

prevalent in their workplaces

where they were commended for sounding

articulate

or criticized and questioned extensively

about their hair while microaggressions

are sometimes dismissed as harmless

psychologists refer to the impact over

time as

death by a thousand cuts and research

has shown that if not addressed

microaggressions can lead to depression

low self-esteem

alienation and other serious

complications

and when it comes to the workplace

microaggressions can lead to employee

disengagement

which is already costing corporations up

to 550 billion dollars a year

in loss of workplace productivity

what would it look like if we came

together

across lines of race to do things that

we

simply cannot do alone

think about it and if you want to move

the needle

in that direction we first need to

acknowledge

the systems of oppression exist a recent

study on race in america

by the pew research center reported that

nearly two-thirds of blacks or

approximately 65 percent

recalled times where people were simply

suspicious of them

and we’ve all seen this play out in

everyday life when police are called an

innocent black men

for enjoying everyday activities like

barbecuing

or simply bird watching and this type of

microaggression is referred to as the

assumption

of criminal status which automatically

presumes that a person of color

is dangerous or a threat to society

solely

on the basis of their race i sometimes

think about

how we all have the privilege of living

in one of the most diverse countries on

the planet

and we are soon to be a society of no

racial majority

yet this same country has to own

that racism has shaped how wealth is

accumulated

how justice is rendered and how

marginalized groups are

disproportionately impacted across the

board

by various forms of oppression and we

have to be willing

to approach these difficult topics with

empathy

and intellectual humility and if we do

it right

then all sides will be transformed

looking back on my own attempts to build

connection through conversation

specifically conversations about race i

learned the hard way that we don’t know

how to have conversations about race

instead of seeking to understand we seek

to discredit

instead of listening we choose what

parts of the conversation to focus on

and then we internalize that information

in a way that leads to self-guilt

and finger-pointing take social media

for example

these virtual platforms were created to

foster a sense of community

yet they have evolved into a pulpit of

descent

where hate speech and bigotry have

bubbled over into

every corner of america

what if the power of connection

was the key to healing our nation’s

divide

at its core connection is a

psychological need

that allows us to feel a sense of

togetherness

through shared experiences

and if we want to get started with

building connection

it first starts with diversifying our

circles

first i want you to take inventory of

the people that you are connected to

does everyone look like you and think

like you and vote like you

when my husband was in the army he

reported to formation at 5 50 am

for roll call to see who was present

and accounted for let’s pretend

that it’s 5 50 a.m

take a look down your row who

is standing next to you who’s in your

squad

and then i want you to take a look

around the room

and tell me who is noticeably absent

from there i want to offer you three

ways that you can begin

to build a more diverse community one

look for opportunities to support and

advocate for marginalized groups

which not only includes people of color

but people with disabilities

and our veterans there are lots of

organizations that could use a few

extra volunteers two

you gotta speak up use your voice your

power and your privilege

to help advance the work of diversity

equity and inclusion in your communities

of influence

this is work that we simply cannot do

alone

and three learn more about the systems

of oppression

and this can be done from the comfort of

your own home by watching documentaries

or reading books about race and

privilege in america

don’t be afraid to challenge your own

beliefs

and for some of you i realize that this

short list might seem intimidating

so do what makes sense for you even if

that includes inviting a neighbor

of a different background over for

dinner

and as we build these small meaningful

connections

and be more intentional about our

everyday interactions

little by little we can begin a journey

to eliminating microaggressions and

ultimately destroying systems of

oppression

and let’s be clear the need for

authentic connections

does not remove the need for

accountability

instead it invites us in and calls on us

to be more courageous

as we hold ourselves and each other

to a higher standard and it also allows

us

to not only envision a better america

but to actually participate in creating

it

thank you

[Music]

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