Dismantling Microaggressions Through the Power of Connection
[Music]
as an african-american woman
i am keenly aware of how the duality of
race and gender
impacts every aspect of my life it’s
simply something that follows me
everywhere that i go literally
like the time i was out shopping at a
department store
and this was one of those department
stores that prides itself
on one-to-one customer service so i’m
out shopping
and a woman comes over and stands right
in front of me
and tries to hand me her clothing items
i knew what was happening in that moment
but instead of reacting i decided to
pause
and she was just standing there looking
at me as i was standing there looking at
her
it was really really awkward and then i
responded
and said are you looking to me to store
your clothing items in a dressing room
for you
she looked me dead in the eye nodded her
head
and said yes one of the managers
witnessed the encounter from the other
side of the room and decided to come
over
to see what was happening and before i
walked away
i turned to the woman and said just so
that you know
i’m a customer just like you
how do we explain what happened in that
moment i mean
where was the confusion i was wearing a
winter coat and
a beanie had i actually worked there
it was clear that i was not on the clock
and as i reflect on that moment even
years later
it’s such a stark reminder that some
people will judge me first
based on what they see and this is an
example of a microaggression
microaggressions are everyday insults
usually directed towards marginalized
groups
sometimes by well-intentioned people and
this ranges from
intentionally mispronouncing ethnic
names to trying to be inclusive by using
language that conveys colorblindness
other times microaggressions clearly
expose ingrained prejudices
think of all of the isms racism sexism
ageism classism these are all embedded
in our systems our structures and our
norms
and if you break those down into
everyday brief interactions
you get microaggressions and one of the
most common ways
that we affirm systems of oppression
sometimes without even knowing it
is through microaggressions and that’s
what i want to talk to you about today
microaggressions is a term first coined
in the 1970s by harvard psychologist dr
chester pearce
and one of the most prominent
researchers on the topic today
is dr darrell sue and together
researchers have identified
three forms of microaggressions
microassaults
which are conscious and deliberate
actions think of it
as old-fashioned racism micro
insults are behaviors that demean a
person’s racial heritage
or identity and micro invalidations
simply invalidate the feelings and
experiences
of people of color i was so fascinated
with this topic
that i spent a year researching black
women’s experiences with
microaggressions
and some of them could recall extreme
forms which included name calling
and being singled out in the classroom
by their peers
and even their teachers as early as
kindergarten
and this type of behavior was also
prevalent in their workplaces
where they were commended for sounding
articulate
or criticized and questioned extensively
about their hair while microaggressions
are sometimes dismissed as harmless
psychologists refer to the impact over
time as
death by a thousand cuts and research
has shown that if not addressed
microaggressions can lead to depression
low self-esteem
alienation and other serious
complications
and when it comes to the workplace
microaggressions can lead to employee
disengagement
which is already costing corporations up
to 550 billion dollars a year
in loss of workplace productivity
what would it look like if we came
together
across lines of race to do things that
we
simply cannot do alone
think about it and if you want to move
the needle
in that direction we first need to
acknowledge
the systems of oppression exist a recent
study on race in america
by the pew research center reported that
nearly two-thirds of blacks or
approximately 65 percent
recalled times where people were simply
suspicious of them
and we’ve all seen this play out in
everyday life when police are called an
innocent black men
for enjoying everyday activities like
barbecuing
or simply bird watching and this type of
microaggression is referred to as the
assumption
of criminal status which automatically
presumes that a person of color
is dangerous or a threat to society
solely
on the basis of their race i sometimes
think about
how we all have the privilege of living
in one of the most diverse countries on
the planet
and we are soon to be a society of no
racial majority
yet this same country has to own
that racism has shaped how wealth is
accumulated
how justice is rendered and how
marginalized groups are
disproportionately impacted across the
board
by various forms of oppression and we
have to be willing
to approach these difficult topics with
empathy
and intellectual humility and if we do
it right
then all sides will be transformed
looking back on my own attempts to build
connection through conversation
specifically conversations about race i
learned the hard way that we don’t know
how to have conversations about race
instead of seeking to understand we seek
to discredit
instead of listening we choose what
parts of the conversation to focus on
and then we internalize that information
in a way that leads to self-guilt
and finger-pointing take social media
for example
these virtual platforms were created to
foster a sense of community
yet they have evolved into a pulpit of
descent
where hate speech and bigotry have
bubbled over into
every corner of america
what if the power of connection
was the key to healing our nation’s
divide
at its core connection is a
psychological need
that allows us to feel a sense of
togetherness
through shared experiences
and if we want to get started with
building connection
it first starts with diversifying our
circles
first i want you to take inventory of
the people that you are connected to
does everyone look like you and think
like you and vote like you
when my husband was in the army he
reported to formation at 5 50 am
for roll call to see who was present
and accounted for let’s pretend
that it’s 5 50 a.m
take a look down your row who
is standing next to you who’s in your
squad
and then i want you to take a look
around the room
and tell me who is noticeably absent
from there i want to offer you three
ways that you can begin
to build a more diverse community one
look for opportunities to support and
advocate for marginalized groups
which not only includes people of color
but people with disabilities
and our veterans there are lots of
organizations that could use a few
extra volunteers two
you gotta speak up use your voice your
power and your privilege
to help advance the work of diversity
equity and inclusion in your communities
of influence
this is work that we simply cannot do
alone
and three learn more about the systems
of oppression
and this can be done from the comfort of
your own home by watching documentaries
or reading books about race and
privilege in america
don’t be afraid to challenge your own
beliefs
and for some of you i realize that this
short list might seem intimidating
so do what makes sense for you even if
that includes inviting a neighbor
of a different background over for
dinner
and as we build these small meaningful
connections
and be more intentional about our
everyday interactions
little by little we can begin a journey
to eliminating microaggressions and
ultimately destroying systems of
oppression
and let’s be clear the need for
authentic connections
does not remove the need for
accountability
instead it invites us in and calls on us
to be more courageous
as we hold ourselves and each other
to a higher standard and it also allows
us
to not only envision a better america
but to actually participate in creating
it
thank you
[Music]
you