Empower to reDefine

at a young age

children to begin to develop a sense of

what’s normal for boys and girls

boys with cars and girls sleep with

dolls but my mother taught me to do what

i loved

regardless of whether it was for boys or

not so i became the only male gymnast in

the year

the only boy who preferred drawing to

football

and the difference between the other

boys and i used to be pretty much

unnoticeable

until one day in grade seven and i

remember this day very vividly in my

head

i look up to my sister and i used to

copy her behavior so naturally some of

the behavioral dispositions that i

garnered over the following years

were deemed relatively feminine you know

how girls sit with their legs crossed

with one leg over the other

when they’re wearing a dress i had to

sit like that because i thought that was

normal

i was sitting in english class reading a

book on a sofa with one leg crossed over

the other

and one boy comes up to me and says yash

what are you doing that is such a girly

and gay way of sitting

i was stunned what did he mean by a

girly way of sitting

how could only girls sit in a certain

way what was gay

these thoughts were running through my

mind and just as i tried to compose

myself

and respond to him another classmate

chimed in

yash why are you copying the girls

that’s not normal for guys

and i was confused and bit by bit

classmates and classmates started

joining in

asking me why i was copying the girls

and why i wasn’t comfortable with being

a boy

i was really utterly confused how could

the behavior that i copied from my

sister

caused so much uproar i didn’t know that

there’s a manually way of sitting on a

sofa

so in all that confusion i did the worst

thing possible

i got up cried and ran out of the room

and you see this was problematic because

as we all know

boys don’t cry so by the end of the day

the entire grid had found out that i had

cried because someone had made fun of me

and that was the day that i found out

there was this big

dividing line between the other boys and

i

as the years progressed i was bullied

harassed called gay

homo and boys refused to use the urinals

next to me because quote unquote

you’re such a yash i don’t want you

looking at my dick

i didn’t know what to do so i try to

disappear i force myself to conform to

gender

society’s gender structures i hid in the

bathroom during lunch and deleted social

media

i wasn’t comfortable with being

different when people ask me

yash what sport do you do instead of

saying that i trained 21 hours a week as

a gymnast

i said uh i don’t exercise because i

didn’t want that awkward judging phase

when someone always asks me but yes

gymnastics is a sport for girls isn’t it

i threw away the blue pair of vans that

were too girly for guys

and i grew my hair out of that gay

hairstyle i was not in trend for grade

nine

bit by bit i changed i let society mold

me removing the undesirable

characteristics and replacing them with

what was called manly

i evolved society has attributed certain

mannerisms

and ways of presenting yourself into two

categories masculine and feminine

or as i like to call them the normal and

the other

depending on your gender what you do

what you wear and how you present

yourself in societies either

aimed normal or the other you’re either

different or you’re normal

you’re either different to the norm

which is the norm of being

part of the patriarchy and this is

inherently problematic

because the idea that we are either

normal

or the other is detrimental to the idea

of being a man

because if we see that i am different

it is increa incredibly incredibly

detrimental

if we alienate people who are different

to the norm we are not promoting equity

for men we associate femininity with

weakness and masculinity with an

inherent strength

we parade masculinity and this

perpetuates toxic norms around men’s

mental health because we

relate masculinity to machismo the idea

of being emotionally and financially

strong

so once again the most common norm is

boys don’t cry

i suffer from a classic case of toxic

masculinity the idea that all boys had

to present themselves

as a certain way in society the certain

way being once again the social norm of

being a man

and this again once again is problematic

because

the idea that every man has to be

presenting themselves in a certain way

perpetuates domination aggression and

homophobia

but here i want to introduce you to some

new ideas and a term that is often

overlooked in this discussion

hegemonic masculinity hegemonic

masculinity is the practice which

legitimizes men’s dominant position

in society by asserting that there are

domination and subordination between men

and women

but this is where it gets interesting

because it’s not just men dominating

women

and reaping the benefits of emotionally

and financially suppressing women

but there’s also men dominating what is

deemed to be not a real man

because in this model there are four

categories

there’s the hegemonic the complicit the

subordinate and the marginalized

men who either promulgate the system of

hegemonic masculinity

and reap the benefits of suppressing

women fall into the first category

but those who are complicit do not

promulgate the system however they do

accept it

they allow women to be suppressed they

allow women to be oppressed

but those who fall into the other

categories are completely different

a subordinate is someone who doesn’t

practice gender in the same way

that the first two categories first two

categories do

a subordinate thereby is either a

homosexual and then therefore

deemed not a real man a marginalized man

is someone who cannot practice gender in

the same way largely due to other forms

of social physical constraints

namely racism or disability

the power interplay between these two

different categories is inherently

detrimental

as it not only implicates a sense of

misogyny between the between men and

women because

there is this hierarchical relationship

but it also inculcates a sense of

homophobia

discrimination and other forms of mental

taxation

heteronormativity and hegemonic

masculinity look at the world in black

and white

it basically looks at gender as a binary

construct and asserts that

heterosexuality is the default preferred

or normal mode of sexual orientation

that masculinity is aggressive

that masculinity is active while femi

whilst femininity

is passive and it is responsible and

responsive to the male sexuality

it essentially serves as a mechanism to

enable the patriarchy

by establishing this somewhat

hierarchical relationship between men

and women

because of the gender standards set by

the patriarchy

men either fear being vulnerable

leading them to question am i man enough

and they either fear

some that or something else even worse

they fear being destaged from the

heteronormative expectation of being the

breadwinner for their family

men are forced into these binary

behavioral standards where

it dictates the way that one

gesticulates and it dictates the career

path that one takes

but because this is so incredibly

detrimental we have to examine it

because heteronormativity and hegemonic

masculinity inculcates misogyny

by allowing there to be this

hierarchical relationship it’s actually

creating the potential for the

actualization

of violence against women as we can see

in rape culture

the explicit violence against women is

the sum of latent forms of cultural

aggression

and cultural oppression the pervasive

sense of degradation

the assertion that women do not have

agency and the constant victimization of

women

leads to violence against women if we do

not tackle the misogynistic attitudes

beliefs and assumptions in society

women will never be safe we have long

focused on the systemic oppression

against women

but not the root cause of the problem

the men who commit these acts of

discrimination

society needs to teach men to not

perpetrate discrimination and not teach

women to avoid victimhood

i believe that there is a relationship

between tackling toxic masculinity and

supporting feminism

and it all lies in our definition of

what it means to be a boy and what it

means to be a girl

it lies in our definition of femininity

and masculinity

by empowering boys to tackle the

heteronormative expectation of gender

we can actually influence a cultural

change because all it takes

is changing 10 of people’s assumptions

to influence the majority

by making boys comfortable in their own

skin as they grow up

we can enable this confrontation by

allowing them to

engage in activities that are not deemed

normal for boys

and allowing them to understand it’s not

it’s okay to not be okay

we allow them to change the culture of

society

the mental health stigma revolving

around men

is incredibly detrimental and it is

literally killing them

the suicide rate for men is 3.5 times

higher than it is for women

and this is largely due to the

traditional gender roles that men

shouldn’t be engaging with their

emotions

that masculinity needs you to present

yourself as persistently

persistently powerful persistently

assertive

but mental health is a sign of person

lack of personal fortitude so how is

that strong

that doesn’t associate itself with what

we deem to be a man

so as we can see and the american

psychological association concurs toxic

masculinity

leads to increased rates of depression

mental health issues and the

under-reporting of mental health issues

we should teach children to be angry

with society we should teach children to

be angry with gender

because gender is as adichie puts it a

grave injustice

and we do a great disservice to boys on

how we raise them

by defining masculinity so narrowly we

make it into a tight cage

and teach boys to fear vulnerability we

teach boys to fear emasculation

and the rising power of women when

instead we should be teaching them to

value and respect all

that is the essence of feminism as we

can see

there is a responsibility that falls on

us all of us

not just the future change makers of the

world in the room but the parents

and the educators as well why here i’d

like to delve into the theoretical

underpinnings

of gender and gender expression now i

don’t want to inundate you with a whole

bunch of things that you’re going to

forget the moment you walk out the store

so i’m going to present to you a

synthesis a synthesis of theories from

different

uh backgrounds showing you that the true

perpetrator discrimination

is society and its teachings in judith

butler’s argument on gender

performativity

she declares that being born male or

being born female doesn’t determine the

way you

act instead we align ourselves to fit in

with society

in gender schema theory bem says that

from the early stage of social and

societal development

we change ourselves to fit in with the

cultural norm of that specific gender

and in heidegger’s ex and heidegger’s

existential approach to the meaning of

human life and the human condition

he states that we have two masks an

internal mask

and a social mask our internal mask is

our true self but we hide that

we hide that with our social mask which

is consisting of what society wants us

to be

so as we can see society is to blame

society defines who we are because it

defines the normative expression of

gender

and it determines social structures

but what can we do as a society we need

to work towards redefining what it means

to be a boy

and what it means to be a girl but how

can we do that through

education reform schools

are the basis for our interactions in

society

it teaches us how to work and how to

work and play

and teach each other in society its

teachings range from all kinds of things

such as economics

and science to mathematics and music but

not many schools talk about issues such

as feminism

such as gender stereotypes toxic

masculinity and other issues that arise

thereof

it is imperative for schools to start

talking about these issues

it is imperative for us to start

discussing feminism to start discussing

gender stereotypes gender injustice

in order to cultivate equity for the

future the pervasive phenomenon of toxic

masculinity

is inherently detrimental it cultivates

and exacerbates misogynistic mindsets

which hinders feminism in the future

behind me is a survey conducted by our

lgbtqia plus organization in school

two years ago it was talking about

homophobia and how it manifests in

school

the majority respondents stated that

homophobia manifests in off-handed

remarks

with many stating that these were often

unintentional

unintentional off-handed remarks often

stem from

a lack of education a lack of awareness

and a lack of sympathy

and then these manifest in even more

terrible ways

of homophobic bullying such as exclusion

and hate crime

but what interested me the most was that

many people stated

that these issues were largely systemic

these issues

were from the administration because the

administration did not act upon nor

acknowledge homophobic bullying

we need to recognize teachers as agents

of change who can influence the future

generations who can influence our

mindsets and inculcate an open minded

nature

because when a teacher does not treat a

homophobic remark

in the same way that they would treat

another remark of a derogatory nature

they are in itself perpetuating

discrimination

and perpetrating homophobia behind me

are other forms of gender-based

injustice that students in our school

have faced

and these are direct quotes taken from

surveys or interactions with students in

our school

we have long focused on the systemic

oppression of women but not the root of

the problem as i said before

because we need to look at the root of

problem not only being the way that we

raise boys

but the way that we educate them as well

we need education reform and personal

social education modules for not only

students

but teachers we need to teach teachers

how to teach these students

and how to influence them to become

feminists we need to introduce them to

topics such as intersectionality

in order to inculcate a feminist culture

because then and only then

can we start to teach them about bigger

issues such as misogyny

and influence change in the future and

then then and only then

can we start to empower individuals to

become their true selves

when we redefine what it means to be a

girl in society we can work towards

inhibiting sexualization and

objectification

thus removing the potential for

self-image problems

and decreasing the ability for women to

feel shame and anxiety

and the ability for men to perpetrate

hate crime against women

i wanted to give you this ted talk today

because i wanted to try and empower you

to define yourself for who you wish to

be and not what other people wish you to

be

i want you to go home and look at

yourself in the mirror and appreciate

yourself for who you truly are

because god knows how long it took me to

do so it took me a very long time

to overcome toxic masculinity and

appreciate who i really was on the

inside

i’m yash mahajan a senior ready to

graduate from high school and attend the

university of pennsylvania

an artist a gymnast a feminist

someone who has finally appreciated

himself for who he truly is

a boy who’s finally built up that wall

of confidence that can no longer be torn

down by derision

a boy who realized that there’s no point

hiding who he is because if he wants to

make a change

he has to understand that he is

different but

when i leave i think i’m going to leave

happy

that’s very strange isn’t it because

most graduates don’t want to be happy

when they leave they’re going to miss

their school

but i think that i’m leaving behind a

legacy and this does

make me happy because the legacy that i

leave behind is that it’s okay to be

different

because different is just normal in

another context

thank you