Relational Coaching The Power of Leadership Rooted in Code Switching

[Applause]

for a kid from oxnard

this is surreal to be able to stand in

front of this sign

on this dot means a lot and for a

college coach of 20 years

talking with players and parents other

coaches

this is a little nerve-wracking but i’m

going to picture us all in a huddle

i’m a little better with those

now five years ago when i was given an

opportunity to

build my own program i wanted to

experiment with an idea an idea

to build a program rooted in

relationships

now this is not anything new coaches all

over the country in every sport

have an idea that they want to implement

for some it’s a style of play

for others it’s the experience that they

want to give their student athletes

but for most it’s that relationship

between

them their coaching staff and their

athletes

but something was happening around

college athletics specifically college

basketball

more and more transfers were looking for

a new fit

someone’s not doing their job now

whether or not it’s because coaches were

driven

on wins and losses maybe they were

presented in a way where they had to go

get the best as opposed to the best fit

whatever the case was college athletics

was getting a little bit more

transactional a new term started to pop

up relational coaching

and so when given this opportunity

i wanted to challenge it

now how does any of this relate to code

switching

that practice of changing one’s speech

appearance or behaviors all to optimize

a community or social group

well before i get into that i want to

tell you a little story

when i was 9 or 10 years old my dad

became a season ticket holder

now for most in southern california you

would think that’s the lakers or dodgers

well it was the clippers because back

then lakers

dodgers were good and the clippers were

the good kind of affordable

now so affordable that we were sitting

on the lower bowl of the sports arena

and i was able to meet and take pictures

with the nba legends

around the league i was even able to

shoot free throws before games

but nonetheless this was a time for me

and my dad

now my dad and i we started doing more

and more things together

he was my coach he coached me in

everything

there was baseball didn’t really like

that

too much i felt i was a magnet to the

ball and oftentimes i found myself at

first base

holding back the tears because i got

beans so hard

then there was soccer now soccer was

a little different didn’t didn’t like

that one much because i tried to measure

how much

we had to run as it relates to scoring

but then there was basketball

basketball was different it was fast

it was exciting it was everything that

magic johnson and the lakers

showed us and it was what our

conversations were at those clipper

games

now for my dad and i

because we started getting deeper into a

relationship i started seeing

that he was really two identities in one

he was my dad but then he was also my

coach

so trying to pivot and analyze

what hat was my dad wearing

was he coaching me up or disciplining me

was he teaching me game strategies or a

life lesson

now i say this because this is what code

switching was for me

back then and after

15 years of experience

this is what i wanted to focus on when

taking over that program

i wanted to build relationships as it

related

to an element of leadership

and so if i were to ask you

what are those elements of leadership

that you’ve learned throughout your

career

that you would implement if you started

taking over a group of individuals

and better yet if that element was

relationships what would they be

now i’m sure if we were to take a tally

of all of those answers

we would get so many different

combinations

so what i’d like to do is share the

three that i focused on

in my time with that program

now the first was that careful balance

between pride and ego

now pride for me is who someone is

it’s the root of what someone is

bringing to the table

as it relates to the who their family

their heritage their culture sometimes

their country

and whether or not a grandmother raises

this person

sometimes you see that grandmother in

their actions

in their decision making and for a lot

of folks

it is their country their culture that

you

witness as they maneuver

their day

now ego is different

it’s the body of work it’s all of the

accolades and achievements that someone

gets along their career

for coaches wins losses

for players points scored rebounds

assists

for fundraisers dollars raised for

elected officials

elections won

but the reason why these two are

important is because

when you attack pride you are

you’re attacking the fundamental person

and where they come from

they’re going to take offense because

it’s a direct attack on their families

on their country and if you diminish

their ego

well now you’re diminishing what they’ve

done

what their life path has been

so it’s very important not to attack or

diminish one or the other but to lift

them both up at the same time

and acknowledge that they do co-exist

and if they coexist within someone

they must also coexist in how we

communicate

how we develop and how we understand

them

now the second aspect is getting to the

point where we can anticipate

and predict our student athletes get to

the point

where we know them now oftentimes we do

this naturally

how many times are we on the freeway and

we’re starting to anticipate

or predict other drivers as parents we

start to predict

all right is my son or daughter going to

bolt into the street

are they about to fall

it’s no different with coaching

we have to get to the point where we

want to see them

and understand when they fail when

they’re about to fail

when they’re about to get into a slump

when they are heating up into a nice

little streak of made baskets

whatever the case is that is what we’re

trying to teach our student athletes

predict each other anticipate each other

but on the flip side we have to be

predictable as coaches

student athletes have to know when we’re

going to be there for them

what we’re going to say

and meeting student athletes where they

are

allows us to develop them in their

current space

in their current thought process and in

their current development process

now the final element that we wanted to

focus on was culture

and building a culture so strong that it

can absorb and embrace

any experience that our newcomers were

bringing into our program

now why is culture important

cultures a lot of times defined as the

behaviors and decisions

that a group of people make

but every newcomer

new coach that is now within the program

brings the experiences and the traumas

to it and so in teaching our student

athletes

to fully understand one’s pride one’s

ego

getting to the point where they can

fully anticipate and predict each other

allows the walls to come down

the walls of these newcomers who are

timid

and may be nervous of their new

environment

that we’re able to now move them towards

something together

and focusing on the locker room

was the number one priority for me

because it takes those members of the

locker room

to create the behaviors to create the

decisions

that a new culture can be born from

and the cultures will always change

because the people in the room

change

and i’m very proud that our program was

a beacon for other athletes because they

knew we would embrace

support and absorb their experiences no

matter what

and so i leave you with this final

thought

in linguistic code switching

it’s moving between one or two

languages in order to connect

with someone on a deeper level

now leadership is the same leadership

is the moving between one or two

elements of leadership in order to

influence

people

and being able to influence someone is

leadership

leadership should not be a decision we

have to make

it should be the result of being a

servant leader

serving those in the room

leading those hearts that are evolving

who we are

and just as my dad did with his family

i will also do with mine

so that the idea of

relational coaching

is my idea worth sharing thank you