Relational Coaching The Power of Leadership Rooted in Code Switching
[Applause]
for a kid from oxnard
this is surreal to be able to stand in
front of this sign
on this dot means a lot and for a
college coach of 20 years
talking with players and parents other
coaches
this is a little nerve-wracking but i’m
going to picture us all in a huddle
i’m a little better with those
now five years ago when i was given an
opportunity to
build my own program i wanted to
experiment with an idea an idea
to build a program rooted in
relationships
now this is not anything new coaches all
over the country in every sport
have an idea that they want to implement
for some it’s a style of play
for others it’s the experience that they
want to give their student athletes
but for most it’s that relationship
between
them their coaching staff and their
athletes
but something was happening around
college athletics specifically college
basketball
more and more transfers were looking for
a new fit
someone’s not doing their job now
whether or not it’s because coaches were
driven
on wins and losses maybe they were
presented in a way where they had to go
get the best as opposed to the best fit
whatever the case was college athletics
was getting a little bit more
transactional a new term started to pop
up relational coaching
and so when given this opportunity
i wanted to challenge it
now how does any of this relate to code
switching
that practice of changing one’s speech
appearance or behaviors all to optimize
a community or social group
well before i get into that i want to
tell you a little story
when i was 9 or 10 years old my dad
became a season ticket holder
now for most in southern california you
would think that’s the lakers or dodgers
well it was the clippers because back
then lakers
dodgers were good and the clippers were
the good kind of affordable
now so affordable that we were sitting
on the lower bowl of the sports arena
and i was able to meet and take pictures
with the nba legends
around the league i was even able to
shoot free throws before games
but nonetheless this was a time for me
and my dad
now my dad and i we started doing more
and more things together
he was my coach he coached me in
everything
there was baseball didn’t really like
that
too much i felt i was a magnet to the
ball and oftentimes i found myself at
first base
holding back the tears because i got
beans so hard
then there was soccer now soccer was
a little different didn’t didn’t like
that one much because i tried to measure
how much
we had to run as it relates to scoring
but then there was basketball
basketball was different it was fast
it was exciting it was everything that
magic johnson and the lakers
showed us and it was what our
conversations were at those clipper
games
now for my dad and i
because we started getting deeper into a
relationship i started seeing
that he was really two identities in one
he was my dad but then he was also my
coach
so trying to pivot and analyze
what hat was my dad wearing
was he coaching me up or disciplining me
was he teaching me game strategies or a
life lesson
now i say this because this is what code
switching was for me
back then and after
15 years of experience
this is what i wanted to focus on when
taking over that program
i wanted to build relationships as it
related
to an element of leadership
and so if i were to ask you
what are those elements of leadership
that you’ve learned throughout your
career
that you would implement if you started
taking over a group of individuals
and better yet if that element was
relationships what would they be
now i’m sure if we were to take a tally
of all of those answers
we would get so many different
combinations
so what i’d like to do is share the
three that i focused on
in my time with that program
now the first was that careful balance
between pride and ego
now pride for me is who someone is
it’s the root of what someone is
bringing to the table
as it relates to the who their family
their heritage their culture sometimes
their country
and whether or not a grandmother raises
this person
sometimes you see that grandmother in
their actions
in their decision making and for a lot
of folks
it is their country their culture that
you
witness as they maneuver
their day
now ego is different
it’s the body of work it’s all of the
accolades and achievements that someone
gets along their career
for coaches wins losses
for players points scored rebounds
assists
for fundraisers dollars raised for
elected officials
elections won
but the reason why these two are
important is because
when you attack pride you are
you’re attacking the fundamental person
and where they come from
they’re going to take offense because
it’s a direct attack on their families
on their country and if you diminish
their ego
well now you’re diminishing what they’ve
done
what their life path has been
so it’s very important not to attack or
diminish one or the other but to lift
them both up at the same time
and acknowledge that they do co-exist
and if they coexist within someone
they must also coexist in how we
communicate
how we develop and how we understand
them
now the second aspect is getting to the
point where we can anticipate
and predict our student athletes get to
the point
where we know them now oftentimes we do
this naturally
how many times are we on the freeway and
we’re starting to anticipate
or predict other drivers as parents we
start to predict
all right is my son or daughter going to
bolt into the street
are they about to fall
it’s no different with coaching
we have to get to the point where we
want to see them
and understand when they fail when
they’re about to fail
when they’re about to get into a slump
when they are heating up into a nice
little streak of made baskets
whatever the case is that is what we’re
trying to teach our student athletes
predict each other anticipate each other
but on the flip side we have to be
predictable as coaches
student athletes have to know when we’re
going to be there for them
what we’re going to say
and meeting student athletes where they
are
allows us to develop them in their
current space
in their current thought process and in
their current development process
now the final element that we wanted to
focus on was culture
and building a culture so strong that it
can absorb and embrace
any experience that our newcomers were
bringing into our program
now why is culture important
cultures a lot of times defined as the
behaviors and decisions
that a group of people make
but every newcomer
new coach that is now within the program
brings the experiences and the traumas
to it and so in teaching our student
athletes
to fully understand one’s pride one’s
ego
getting to the point where they can
fully anticipate and predict each other
allows the walls to come down
the walls of these newcomers who are
timid
and may be nervous of their new
environment
that we’re able to now move them towards
something together
and focusing on the locker room
was the number one priority for me
because it takes those members of the
locker room
to create the behaviors to create the
decisions
that a new culture can be born from
and the cultures will always change
because the people in the room
change
and i’m very proud that our program was
a beacon for other athletes because they
knew we would embrace
support and absorb their experiences no
matter what
and so i leave you with this final
thought
in linguistic code switching
it’s moving between one or two
languages in order to connect
with someone on a deeper level
now leadership is the same leadership
is the moving between one or two
elements of leadership in order to
influence
people
and being able to influence someone is
leadership
leadership should not be a decision we
have to make
it should be the result of being a
servant leader
serving those in the room
leading those hearts that are evolving
who we are
and just as my dad did with his family
i will also do with mine
so that the idea of
relational coaching
is my idea worth sharing thank you