The Power of Meaningful Networking

let’s play a game

of word association one of the first

words that pop into your mind

when i say networking dull maybe

superficial awkward sales people

networking has a stigma of being an

environment in which

people online or offline are faking the

best version of themselves into in order

to convince other people to do business

with them as quickly as possible

and yet despite this negative stereotype

it is still seen as one of the most

crucial skills

in the toolkit of most professions

especially if you have ambitions for

career progression

and even more so if you’re starting your

own business

personally i realized the value of

networking around five years ago

when i became a student member of the

institute of directors

it was here that i learned to network

professionally and then through linkedin

local

i learned to make it meaningful

and i believe that developing this skill

meaningful networking

is the primary reason that i have not

had to apply for a single job role in

over five years

despite changing careers and industries

and climbing the career ladder

several times i’ve had opportunities

come through former colleagues

through people i’ve met at events and

once most ridiculously

whilst i was on a first date in an

indian restaurant called mangoes

i’ll tell you about that one at the end

so stick around

the point is opportunities have

seemingly fallen into my lap

in a way that continues to baffle myself

and my friends and family

and has earned me the reputation for

being lucky

what i would like to share with you

today is why i believe that

meaningful networking has been the

single greatest contributor to my good

luck

and some stories that i hope will help

you to transform superficial

and surface level interactions into

meaningful opportunities

to form genuine connections

because networking and the importance of

networking

is something that is drilled into us

from a surprisingly early age

you know we hear sayings like your

network is your net worth

and it’s not what you know it’s who you

know

these sayings are a recognition that

almost all opportunities that fall into

the laps of the lucky have come

through a person who knows them let me

say that again

almost all luck comes through other

people

see i believe that luck is an active

process

yes random chance plays a role but it is

massively influenced by the people who

know you

like how did i come to be standing here

today doing a tedx

and i mapped out every person i had to

meet to be here

and there are a surprising number of

ways that this might never have happened

so many conversations that each which i

had to take seriously

regardless of who i was talking to going

way back to

a single conversation with a student at

a university networking event over four

years ago that if i hadn’t taken him

seriously

i wouldn’t have been here you have to be

consistent with your approach to

networking because in order to be in the

right place at the right time

you first have to be out there to be

found

some opportunities will slap you in the

face and ask if you’re paying attention

but most of them look within the nuances

of a conversation

that must be carefully uncovered you

need to be prepared for both of these

extremes and everything in between the

two

because consistent networking can

increase your chances

of positive occurrences especially if

you didn’t inherit a network from your

family or from your school

so it’s important now

if i were to ask you what’s the hardest

part of networking what would you say

and i asked my linkedin network this

question and most people particularly

young people

say that they find starting a

conversation with a stranger the hardest

and there is no doubt that this is

incredibly awkward for everyone

including me

you know that the butterflies you get in

the stomach that i have right now

um that you know when you make that

dreaded eye contact and

say hi

[Music]

ultimately it’s the prospect of

rejection that drives this fear

what if they say they don’t want to talk

to me

and this is where the magical context of

networking steps in to reassure us

just say hello this other person has

literally come to this place

with the intention of meeting new people

your chances of social rejection

have never been lower like i remember

being at my first psychology social as a

plymouth university fresher

and it was an aquarium of all places and

i spent the first 45 minutes or so

walking around by myself sipping

champagne

staring at fish getting gradually more

lonely

and then i realized hang on a minute if

i’m feeling this way

chances are all of these other people

who are walking around by themselves are

feeling exactly the same thing

and that realization gave me the

confidence to approach my first person

and we formed a group that then spent

the rest of the evening

finding anyone else who was by

themselves and inviting them to join us

and let me tell you the look of relief

on their faces when we did

was incredible and i’ve still got many

good friends that i met that night

because you see these environments have

naturally attracted a group of people

who want to talk to you so throw

yourself into it

experiment with different ways of

introducing yourself and your confidence

will naturally build

treat it like a rejection free social

playground and have

fun with it so

we’ve managed to say hello but now how

do we make this conversation

meaningful and memorable i’ve got

various tips for this but

ultimately what it boils down to is

curiosity

and actually giving a

so when i’m networking i play a game how

fast can i find something about this

person

that i find genuinely fascinating

usually this will be whatever they’re

most passionate about which might not be

their job it’s often not

if i fail to find it it’s because i

didn’t ask good enough questions

we’ve all experienced it you know when

you ask that question

and it lights a spark in the eyes of the

other person and the conversation comes

alive

it is your job in any networking

interaction

to light that fire in the other person

and to do that you’re gonna have to do

more than just asking what their job

title is

you know why do they enjoy their job

what drove them to start that business

these motivation-based questions will

get you past social niceties

show a genuine curiosity and people will

always love that you asked

and cared about you’ve got to care about

the answer don’t just be waiting for

your turn to speak

now another part of networking that

particularly students find challenging

is finding yourself in a conversation

with someone who is

your professional superior and i

struggled myself with this

constantly as a student member of the

iod

you know what value could i a mere

student possibly bring to the ceos of

companies right

and for starters there’s loads of value

you can bring just look up reverse

mentoring

but the trick here really is to steer

yourself onto familiar ground

so for example picture the scene i’m a

networking event

and i’m a student so i’m making the most

of the free wine and nibbles obviously

and i finally get the courage to

approach a guy who quickly reveals

that he is a managing director of

mercedes-benz uk

and you know that moment where you

already felt like you were massively out

of your depth merely by being in a room

and then you find yourself going from

here to here

yeah that was me in that moment what

could i possibly say to be interesting

to this guy

don’t suppose there’s any jobs going

internships

no fortunately i didn’t embarrass myself

by begging for a job

instead my mind flipped immediately back

to a marketing lecture i’d been in the

day before

and i simply said this is going to sound

a bit random but

i’m kind of curious to know how mercedes

approach customer segmentation

now the beauty of a question like that

beyond just being quite an interesting

question

is that one of two things will happen

either you’re about to learn something

because they’re going to school you in a

practical application of something that

you’ve just learned in theory

or has happened to me you’re going to

have found your way to add meaningful

input

when he responds you know it’s funny you

mentioned that because we’re actually

working on a brand new strategy right

now to try and figure out how to

reposition ourselves with millennials

bingo and so unfolds a stimulating

discussion

in which i can have meaningful input

simply because i read a textbook on it

the day before

and he hadn’t meaning i might even have

been more of an expert than him in the

topic at that time

so steer yourself onto familiar ground

maybe even prime yourself with some

topics

before entering the room

so the next part of networking is what

most people

who experience networking regularly will

agree is the hardest part

closing conversations awkward

first things first a question for you

let’s say you’re at a house party you’re

on a night out

and someone starts talking to you who

let’s just say not your type

what do you say to get out of that

conversation

thought about it let me guess i just

need to get another drink

whilst you’ve got a full cocktail in

hand or is it

i need to go to the toilet again

first things first please do not lie

your way out of a conversation during a

networking event

people can tell and it will probably

backfire on you because if you say

you’re going for a drink they’ll

probably come with you

and if you say you’re going to go to the

toilet there’s only so many times you

can do that before they will see you

walk across the room and start a

conversation with someone else

or if you really commit and go to the

toilet each time

they may come away thinking you’ve got a

bladder problem or worse a drinking

problem

but here’s where the context of

networking can step in to save us once

again

this other person literally came to this

place to meet

multiple new people same as you so just

be honest about it

but for what it’s worth here are a few

tips of things that you can do to add

value and close the conversation

down step number one make an

introduction

especially if there’s an area of mutual

interest this is one of the easiest ways

of having

adding value that requires no expertise

whatsoever

they will always thank you for doing it

and you can move on because they’re

about to go through exactly the same

introductory conversations that you’ve

already heard

but let’s say you don’t have anyone to

introduce them to yet what do you do

then

well ask them what person business or

industry are they interested in

connecting with tonight

and when they respond something like

tech startups

you say brilliant well if i meet any

other tech startups here this evening

i’ll bring them over and introduce you

you’re going to get a genuine thank you

straight away despite the fact that

you’ve done bugger rule to help them yet

and you can immediately follow and say

well great i’ll let you keep circling to

meet new people

and in the meantime i’ll keep an eye out

for tech startups for you

at which point they’re going to be

delighted for you to go and start new

conversations because

you’re helping them by being on the

lookout it’s almost like you’ve done

them a favor

by ending the conversation magic

so that’s the hardest part out the way

but arguably not the most important

hopefully at this point you’ve built

some rapport

but it can all be for virtually nothing

if you fail to follow

up most often i start following up by

reaching out with a personalized

connection request on linkedin

afterwards aft afterwards

why personalized i mean we just met that

night they know it’s me they’re going to

accept why bother personalizing

and there are two good reasons to always

always do this

number one you can continue building the

relationship by remarking back on

something that struck you from your

conversation

like i don’t know i really enjoyed

discussing how we might reposition

mercedes with millennials

for example they’re probably going to

reply to a message like that

and the conversation will continue but

the second and perhaps even more

important reason

is that this now acts as a permanent

reminder for both you

and them of who you are how you met

and some key things from your

conversation

this future context setter is gold dust

if you end up wanting to follow up with

them in a year or two’s time with an ask

or just to arrange a call

they’re going to remember who you are

and they’re going to be much more likely

to give you the time of day as a result

plus if you see them at another

networking event and you can’t remember

the detail

whip out your linkedin app look them up

and hey presto you’ve jogged your memory

i have used this trick to save my skin

countless times

and i am painfully aware that i’m giving

away one of my best tricks here so

let me just apologize in advance if you

catch me doing this on you

as a networking event and even more if i

forget your name because i’m rubbish

with them so

apologies i am trying i promise

well right back at the start i promised

you that i would tell you the story

of how i got a job uh when i was on a

first date in an indian restaurant

and i’ll stay true to my word because as

weird opportunities go i’m to struggle

to beat it in just

sheer surrealness so i’m on the date

and it’s three days before the eu

referendum which is an

important piece of context because

inevitably

we started talking about it and me being

the constant

theorist and enthusiast i was setting

out what i thought was going to happen

and why i was wholeheartedly wrong

by the way but fortunately that doesn’t

matter for the story because the next

thing we know we suddenly hear

excuse me but i couldn’t help but

overhear your conversation

and as i look up and see a white

middle-aged

balding man my stomach drops

because straight away i’m thinking oh

god i’m on a first date and i’m about to

get into a heated debate with a complete

stranger about brexit

this is going to make for a fantastic

first impression

but fortunately that’s not what he said

instead he simply said

i have no idea what you do but i like

the way you’re putting your thoughts

together

i own a business near here and if you’re

ever on the lookout for work give me a

call

with that he gives me his business card

he walks straight out the restaurant

leaving us stunned

until eventually my date broke the

silence by saying

did you set that up to be impressive

or do you always get offered jobs when

you go out to dinner

now weird as it is to say these kinds of

surreal lucky

serendipitous opportunities will come

your way more and more if you get

consistent

with building meaningful networks and

relationships over a long

period of time i myself it’s how i come

to stand here today as a 28 year old

who is director of digital and community

for the planet mark

who consistently collaborates on a

weekly basis with

the disney’s form of head of innovation

and creativity

and now i’m doing a bloody tedx talk yes

i continue to pinch myself

how is this possible

think about it compound interest

when we first start work we are told to

invest in our pensions as early as

possible it’s drilled into us invest in

your pensions

because the earlier and the more

consistently you invest the more

valuable it will become

thanks to the miracle of compound

interest i would like to suggest to you

that the same is true

of relationships and networks the

earlier you start investing and the more

consistently you invest in them

the more valuable they will become for

you and not just in a crude financial

sense

but in terms of the friendships the

emotional support and the

wider opportunities that people that you

meet will bring to you

and this is why i believe that

meaningful networking is

the most important skill that we can

teach to people particularly

young people because it gives them the

opportunity to create lasting

relationships with people

who will remember who they are what

they’re good at

and the fact that they took the time to

be curious about things beyond their job

title

so get out there head out to a

networking event near you online or

offline it’s coveted season after all

put these skills into practice and then

follow up with me

with a personalized message on linkedin

to let me know how you got on thank you