The Power of Stories on your Destiny

have you ever had a conversation

that changed your entire life

once upon a time there was a

ten-year-old girl

whose whole world changed because of one

conversation

on this particular day she ran home from

school

and she noticed her grandmother on the

couch reading a newspaper in a foreign

language

when the grandmother was done with the

newspaper she folded it up and tossed it

to the side

we need more newspapers said the

grandmother

the girl noticed a stack of unread

neatly folded newspapers under the

coffee table

and pointed that out grandma there are a

couple more newspapers under there

she said her grandmother shook her head

saying

no not those the girl was confused

why didn’t her grandmother want to read

those newspapers so she persisted again

like any 10 year old would

saying grandma what’s wrong with those

newspapers why don’t you want to read

them her grandmother casually responded

by saying i can’t read that i never

learned

the english alphabet the girl was

shocked

how could her grandmother not know the

alphabet that she had learned

as early as three years old

the conversation the two had that day

changed

that girl’s entire life that girl was me

my grandmother grew up at a time and in

a place where child marriage was

a normal practice as a result education

wasn’t prioritized as much as managing

the home was

and by the time these women were 16

years old they typically had a few

children

and the responsibility of a family on

their shoulders

when i asked my grandmother what she

would have liked to do if she hadn’t

been married that young

she said that she hadn’t thought about

it

when i asked her if she tried learning

the english alphabet before she said

that while my grandfather had tried

teaching her

she wasn’t able to grasp it when

i asked if she wanted me to teach her

she promptly responded by saying

yes which in english

means all this is beyond my competence

or capabilities

how could something like learning the

alphabet be beyond her capabilities

i responded by fighting back saying that

wasn’t the case and it was really easy

to learn

but i knew that the conversation was

over

the stories that you tell yourself can

determine the distance that you go

have you stopped to consider what

beliefs

are holding you back from being your

best self and from achieving greatness

what stories are you telling yourself

now many of you may know me from my

pageant journey

but little do you know doing a pageant

was never

on the radar growing up hi my name is

chaby burke and i

miss new jersey usa 2017 and was first

runner up at miss usa 2017.

now each year thousands of women compete

for the chance of being miss usa

now 51 make it to competition but in the

end

only one walks home as miss usa

now miss usa then goes on to miss

universe which is the

biggest beauty pageant in the world

miss universe has a massive platform and

becoming miss universe can open so many

doors in the world of fashion

entertainment media advocacy among many

others

now if you told little chubby that one

day she would be missing new jersey usa

and go on to compete at miss usa

she wouldn’t have even believed you even

if you told me that five or six years

ago i’d be appalled

my pageant journey fell into my life

so unexpectedly but i’m so grateful that

it did

born in india i was only four years old

when my family moved to the united

states

and growing up i frequently struggled

with feeling good in my skin

i grew up was my indian relatives call

healthy and by the way healthy does not

mean healthy at all

it means chubby so i grew up chubby and

my relatives

never forgot to remind me of it in fact

i had one cousin in particular who loved

calling me chubby bird as a nickname

now add to that the issue of colorism

growing up i didn’t feel my tan skin was

beautiful

and i was often compared to my mom who

has a lighter complexion than i do

and what high school experience is

complete without the few years of acne

and braces that plague most

14 to 18 year olds

while i was quite confident in other

areas of my life like dance and

academics

i never truly felt good in my skin

now whether you call it fate luck or

sheer coincidence

things began to shift during my junior

year of high school

i got the opportunity to walk in my very

first fashion show and fell in love with

it instantly

i started walking in more shows and

one day when i saw an advertisement for

miss new jersey team usa in my high

school newspaper

i decided to take the opportunity and

compete thinking that it wouldn’t be

much different from the fashion shows

that i had already began

walking in so on finals night of the

miss new jersey teen usa competition

when i found myself being called as

fourth owner up

i couldn’t believe it i had never

imagined i could do something like this

but advancing to that point in my very

first pageant

made me hopeful that if i worked a

little harder

maybe there was even a possibility that

i win this someday

so the following year i competed again

but this time at the miss new jersey usa

competition

as i placed out of the team division

i thought that if i worked a little

harder

had a more beautiful gown cuter

interview dress nicer swimsuit i would

be able to win

so pageant weekend came and as i stood

in line

waiting to be interviewed i started

conversing with one of my fellow

contestants

we’ll call her l for short l was super

sweet

and she even gave me some tips before i

went in to meet with the judges for

interview

pageant weekend flew and i found myself

on finals night

standing on stage with 100 other women

all holding their breath waiting to hear

their name being called into the top

final contestants

i prayed please say chubby please say

chubby repeatedly in my head

the words never came i walked off stage

as a non-finalist

and just kept repeating thoughts in my

head where did i go wrong

what more could i have done

is this something that i’m even capable

of

as i started doubting myself i could

feel tears firming in my eyes

i felt two arms embrace me and i looked

up

to see l i broke down in tears

al what did i do wrong why didn’t i win

am i not good enough

she looked at me in the eyes and she

said

chavi i want you to

promise me that you are going to compete

again

you have it you

are going to be miss usa and miss

universe one day

i got chills i have chills right now

just thinking about how

confidently she said that it meant so

much to me to have someone believe in me

like that

especially a fellow competitor i

couldn’t even envision myself as miss

usa

and here she was saying it as a fit for

already a fact

her words of encouragement gave me the

motivation i needed

to compete again and my preparation

began

the very next day i began preparing for

the miss new jersey usa

2017 competition now there are three

aspects to the competition

swimsuit evening gown and interview

interview is based mostly on personality

so there wasn’t much more i could do

there than

be my true authentic self i knew my

biggest challenge would be the onstage

portion of competition

now at that point in the 19 years i had

been alive i had never

worn a bikini and i never really felt

confident enough to wear one either

but i noticed that all the girls that

had placed into the semi-finals and the

girl that

won all had incredibly toned abs and

were owning every minute on that stage

i knew for me to be able to compete in

the same way

i needed to hit the gym the issue was

prior to this moment i had never really

done much at the gym

i usually did some light weights and

some cardio but i never use the machines

and i thought that lifting weights would

make me look

manly which is the last thing i wanted

fortunately i have i ended up finding a

coach who showed me otherwise

and she showed me exactly how my

previously held beliefs about

strength training dieting and the limits

of my body

were wrong as i started lifting weights

and

seeing my strength my confidence began

to improve

and increase i loved working out

it was a form of self-care for me and

eventually my focus shifted

and the body just came as a bonus in

fact i even ended up getting my personal

training certification

later that year imagine telling 10 year

old chubby that one

now the second part of the onstage

portion that really intimidated me

was walking in heels standing at five

foot nine

inches i never felt the need to wear

heels taller than two inches before

but walking in my evening gown in those

tiny little heels

was pretty hard so upon suggestion i

invested in some six

inch pageant heels now the day i got

them i tried them on

and i took them right off because i

could barely stand in these shoes how

was i supposed to walk in them

i remember my first time attempting to

walk in these shoes

and i say attempting because i probably

did more falling that day than actually

walking

i would get about two to three steps in

lose my balance and stumble

then i tried holding onto the walls for

support taking some more steps

i would fall once again and after about

15 to 20 minutes of following i decided

that i would call it quits this was

impossible

but i knew i couldn’t give up so i

decided to go to watch miss usa and miss

universe videos of the past

to see what the contestants did there to

see how they were walking and hopefully

learn something from them

as i watched these videos of them

walking i tried to envision myself

giving a performance like that

i even went as far as envisioning myself

walking on that stage being miss new

jersey usa

and how that would feel to be on stage

hear my name being called

feel the crown being placed on my head

and that gave me the motivation i needed

to try walking in those heels again

hundreds of falls and many many many

bruises later

i was finally able to walk in these

shoes

by the time pageant weekend came around

i had done so many things i never

believed i could do i

had grown so confident in who i was as a

person

i knew that whether i won the title or

not

i would be walking home a winner so

pageant weekend came

and during interview i shared my entire

journey with the judges

during the swimsuit round i was able to

walk on stage and cherish

every moment because i had truly fallen

in love with my body

and during evening gown all the falls

paid off

and i was able to walk in those shoes

without worrying about falling again

i found myself on finals night holding

the hands of just one other contestant

on center stage the entire room was dark

there were lights shining brightly in my

eyes and it was so quiet

they could hear a pin drop my heart was

racing in my

chest and i took a deep breath as the

announcer’s voice

filled my ears chubby burg

is miss new jersey usa 2017

and my hands shot right up to my face

covering them in disbelief i couldn’t

believe

i won this was really happening

i was so thrilled and i felt the crown

being placed on my head

exactly as i had envisioned it that

entire year

my dream had come true and then she

lived happily ever after right

wrong you know many people think that

when you get

your victory that’s your happy ending

but really that’s just the beginning

in fact the following day i woke up to

many comments online

talking about how there were other

beautiful more deserving girls that

should have won

and i shouldn’t have as the year

progressed the comments got worse

and in fact i actually use that as fuel

to try to work harder and to prove to

other people that i deserve to be here i

deserve this crown

i would get well burst on current

affairs

so that i could confidently deliver my

onstage

answer at miss usa i went to the gym

twice a day to get even more toned

and forget walking in the pageant heels

i started practicing different spins and

turns

to really take my performance to the

next level

still the comments continued and

there was no mercy that was shown

there was no hesitation in people

comparing the looks

the features the bodies of my fellow

miss usa contestants

now i wish i could say that

it was you know i didn’t give in to

these comments or

that i stayed strong but the fact of the

matter is

they did get to me from time to time i

had my moments of self-doubt

moments that made me question if i

deserve to be here

you know there’s a saying in hindi

which in english means people will say

something or the other

now for most of my life up to that point

the words of others had an impact over

what i thought i could achieve who i

thought i was

winning the pageant showed me otherwise

it gave me victory over the stories i

had been telling myself and what i

thought was possible

i knew that in order to succeed i needed

to tune out

everyone racehorses typically have

blinders put on the sides of their head

so that they can focus on their path

and not get distracted by the other

horses that are racing them

similarly i put on my invisible blinders

as well as ear plugs in my ears

to just tune out the noise to focus on

my path and my journey ahead

i found myself on may 14th

2017 holding the hands of one of my

fellow contestants

yet again the room

is completely dark totally silent

but i knew there were about three

million pairs of eyes watching me

but it’s weird because i felt strangely

calm despite of that

again i took a deep breath waiting to

hear what the announcer would say

miss usa 2017 is

i waited for the words that i longed to

hear that entire journey

the words that my friend elle had so

confidently said the day i walked off

as a non-finalist from the miss new

jersey usa stage

the words that would challenge

everything

that was considered possible for my

grandmother and all the women in my

family before her

the words i so desperately long to hear

came i ended up placing aspersioner up

but for the longest time i thought

myself a failure for not being

called miss usa and

it was only in the aftermath that i

realized the impact

that this experience had on my life as

well as on the lives of other people

i later found out that my story

had inspired a relative in india to go

after her dream of becoming an actress

and today as a wife and as a mother she

continues to challenge what people

consider possible

for women by following her dream another

girl

told me that she was inspired by my

journey to compete

at a pageant in her state and she ended

up winning that title

it was remarkable my story

my by me challenging

the limiting beliefs i had i was able to

inspire others to go after their dreams

it made me realize that truly the

stories we have

within our heads are created by us

the only limits that exist are the ones

that we create

now we have the opportunity of breaking

free of these beliefs

by finding comfort and discomfort and by

doing so

despite the fear of falling but if you

do fall

you have two options you can choose to

stay down or you can challenge yourself

to get back on your feet and keep

walking

so let me ask you which of these

are you going to choose