The Power of Support

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

on may 18 of 2008 i was pronounced

clinically dead

when i revived three minutes later it

was immediately clear that i was in dire

need of support i did not have

i knew i had to make some major changes

and it was time to leave the violent

relationship i had endured

that’s me about two months prior to this

event standing outside the crime scene

in the united states one in four women

and one in nine men experience severe

intimate partner violence in the form of

physical sexual emotional verbal and

financial abuse and stalking

all of which often result in injury

fearfulness post post-traumatic stress

disorder and a name for a need for crime

victims treatment

14 of homicides 70 of which happen to

females and 30 to men

are the result of intimate partner

violence

of those who survive an estimated 94 to

99 percent will also experience economic

abuse

when i think of these facts i’m reminded

of the people who question why i didn’t

just leave or why i wasn’t smart enough

to realize

he was unsafe

i remember those who called me stupid

and weak

or questioned my credibility

most memorable are the ones who said

they didn’t want to know it all because

there was nothing they could do

my lack of support and safety directly

correlated with my circumstances

and i knew if things were going to

change i needed the right support system

this is maslow’s hierarchy of needs

psychologist abraham maslow theorized

that a person cannot thrive if their

basic physiological needs are not met

physiological needs include things like

shelter safe shelter water electricity

utilities

safety needs include things like knowing

that your home is safe from abuse

knowing that your home is safe from

threat knowing that your home is not

going to be taken away from you

a person who lives in fear for their or

their children or their pets lives

cannot excuse me cannot active excuse me

cannot achieve or maintain safety love

belongingless belongingness self-esteem

or self-actualization

therefore a person experiencing intimate

partner violence and especially economic

abuse is essentially disabled from

leaving

despite coming from an affluent

background where my physiological needs

and safety were met i still had no

support

after being revived in the er i was

fortunate to be connected with a

survivor advocate who shared information

for community support resources and she

encouraged me to share my narrative

shortly after i began attending a

survivor support group where i learned

that economic abuse had fulfilled this

former partner’s ability to exert power

and control over me

which resulted in him taking my life

in the process of healing and reclaiming

myself i developed what i call my stem

theory

stem is an acronym for support time

energy and money

think of it sort of like a plant

at the root you have support which are

your friends and your family the people

in your community who care about you and

champion you to your success

people who mentor you and encourage you

to stay ahead

tea time those are the seeds

the time that’s invested in pursuing

life-affirming and fruitful ventures

that will help you to get ahead e is

energy those are the branches

when you wisely invest that time and

energy excuse me the energy

and you allocate it the right way these

lead to lucrative opportunities that

will ultimately help you to make m money

those are the leaves

the fruit of your labor

many people want to invest in you but

they will definitely want to invest in

you and they observe you growing and

being successful

if intimate partner violence survivors

are going to reach self-actualization

they must be empowered to attain

financial freedom from abusers

western society dictates that money is

the most important important currency by

which we transact

my experience taught me

that support is the most powerful form

of currency on this planet

it transcends

socioeconomic status gender ethnicity

religion age and any other identifier

that humans use to define themselves

when we intentionally combine that with

well-managed time energy and money

anything is possible

economic abuse is debilitating on many

levels socially financially

physiologically

emotionally spiritually

but most importantly

it cuts off a person’s stem

without which they cannot thrive

in 2008 when i began my second life i

transcended surviving and began thriving

by cultivating my stem

i did this by utilizing my system of

support and

in

exercising what i call extreme self-care

i regained my mind body and spirit

health by participating in art based

healing circles with other survivors and

engaging in frequent journaling and

reflection

exercises as well

i attended to me and i reclaimed me

so i’m here today to tell you that if

you or anybody you know are experiencing

intimate partner violence you can

develop your stem today by connecting

with helping professionals who can help

you align with community resources and

help you to get a safe space for you to

speak your truth

and champion your health and your safety

you can manage and cultivate your energy

to align with your unique gifts talents

and abilities to free yourself from all

forms of intimate partner violence

i believe that in doing this you will be

set on an economic path of freedom which

is a form of self-actualization

if you can sew a button if you can cook

a meal care for others walk a dog or

drive you can leverage any skill to

achieve economic freedom

because of those amazing women healers

who took me under their wings and

supported me with their time and energy

i was able to reclaim myself while

identifying my own strengths

this is what gave me the ability to

become an entrepreneur a speaker and the

brand ambassador that i am today

i want to leave you with this final

thought that survival is living in

vigilance over one’s physical safety

needs

however thriving is evolving to a place

of stable secure and safe realization of

your autonomy

with a system that thrives toward a stem

victims are transformed into those who

live victoriously

i’m andrea sasha ortiz and i would not

be here today

without a powerful stem

and i believe in the power of support

thank you for listening

[Applause]