My prison paintings began with PAIN

[Applause]

greetings everyone

[Music]

i have to confess i never expected to be

here today

i’m going to ask you all to picture in

your mind

a pure white canvas

now painted completely black

by july of 1983 that best represents

how i felt about my life in complete

darkness

although my despair and emotional

distress

were just that bad it is not in any way

an excuse

for the acts of violence for which i’m

deeply ashamed

hold myself responsible for

and regret every day of my life for the

last 36 years

i’m here today only because it was my

father who asked me

to surrender to the police rather than

take my own life

and he later told me phil life is not

over

it’s just going to be different take

what you know

and have learned to help others

during the 15 months of counseling

before my trial my counselor got me to

understand

that suicide is not the answer to my

problems

and that it would have been

heartbreaking for those who love me

for the rest of their lives

it was also artwork that helped pull me

out of this most painful period of my

life

by starting to do drawings almost every

day which was very therapeutic

after sentencing and entering the prison

system

i was asked if i wanted to put in for a

certain facility

and requested attica what etika

are you nuts and maybe some of you

had the same sentiment when you received

your invitation to this event

well for me attica was close to home

so that my parents family and friends

could visit

and i had read an article in the buffalo

evening news about a great art club they

had here

arriving at the attica correctional

facility

i learned that the art club had been

disbanded a month prior

that was discouraging however

i was placed in a commercial art class

which i didn’t know they had here

and unfortunately due to budget cuts was

discontinued in the mid-1990s

derrick an inmate teacher’s assistant

who became my mentor in this art

class asked what medium i’d like to go

into

pointing to a painting nearby i said i

want to do that

i was told it was a watercolor the

toughest of the painting mediums

that’s exactly what i wanted i wanted a

challenge

no i needed a challenge for something to

live for

i was so excited to receive watercolor

brushes

paints paper

showing a few basic techniques and given

some sound advice

to always get a good critique and a good

critique

is not just what you hope to hear but

also

and especially what you need to hear

genuine constructive criticism has been

responsible for improving my art ability

as well as my life in general which is

helpful

in an effort to being a better artist

and a better person

derek asked if i’d like to donate my

first watercolor

to the 1986 buffalo philharmonic

fundraiser

i didn’t think it was very good but he

assured me it had merit

i was pleased when it raised a hundred

dollars for them

and it felt good to be able to make a

positive contribution to society

this gave me another purpose for doing

artwork

making it possible to express my

contrition

in a sincere gesture for the grief i

feel for

for my victims and the harm i’ve caused

other art projects have been used to

help

the crime victims fund hope of buffalo

the kemer neighborhood watch group

the national national international

special olympics

and the law enforcement torch running

events

one of the hardest adjustments being

behind bars

was i missed my best friends who could

not visit but it’s been through my

paintings

that i’ve been given a fantastic way to

remember

[Music]

the siberian huskies that i had

i’m the one in the middle with the hat

and the brown beard mustache

and also the things i had done and the

many places i had traveled to

like my mom and said places that many

only experience through national

geographic magazines

like antarctica

new zealand tahiti

hawaii

and alaska

[Music]

the most amazing event in my life

happened when i did a painting

to thank that person for all the

counseling he gave me in jail

at a baptism reception for his

granddaughter

the baby’s godmother was walking around

and stopped to admire a painting

he asked her if she liked it and

mentioned that

an inmate at attica had done it for him

she replied that

she knew someone had adequate too and

added that

they had dated in 1972 but circumstances

had separated them

can you imagine her surprise when he

told her that the painting she liked so

much

was done by the same person she knew in

72

the godmother was kathy a phenomenal

woman

and my first love a few years later

we were reunited after a number of other

unusual circumstances

and in august we celebrated 25 years

together

as husband and wife

thank you

in 1998 i started using another medium

acrylics and was also introduced to the

camouflage

art of bev doolittle who blends images

into the background of her paintings

i did the same thing with my huge

13-foot by 28-foot forest mural

which is in the chapel mess hall

i can’t help but grin when i see

someone’s arm

shoot up pointing to the mural after

finding some of the 38

faces and animals that you have to

hunt for many even

find things that weren’t even

intentionally put in the mural

leather work was another creative

adventure that i got involved in

making and designing purses i especially

enjoyed

combining artwork and leather work and

doing wallets

bible covers

and gun slings

after the attacks on september 11 2001

the attica administration asked me to

make a 3d memorial

to commemorate the tragic events of that

day

it was made with over a thousand pieces

of corrugated cardboard

spackling burlap and believe it or not

glue and toilet paper

this was a very solemn project for me

and a personal one

because i had toured new york city when

i was stationed on governor’s island

while on the u.s coast guard it was my

way to honor the first responders

which included many coast guard port

security units

in 2013 i got others involved

to use their talents by starting the

kite artwork team

for the attica active veterans group to

help our homeless veterans

and also its knitting squad who crochet

items for the children of disabled and

needy veterans

one guy named ellis expressed an

interest

in doing a kite but said he had little

art experience

i gave him some simple steps in painting

and with a little

encouraging guidance along the way he

produced this

awesome iron man kite it was one of the

favorites at the come fly a kite

for homeless veterans event

and let me tell you his smile of

accomplishment

was priceless

through artwork i’ve been able to convey

a message

of what i’ve learned about crime and

punishment

and quite a few paintings were done

about repentance

my friend murph recently pointed out to

me

that the word pain makes up the first

four letters of painting

and it was from paint that i started

painting

interesting enough the inspiration for

art and cell window perspective

came from a bible verse sometimes it

takes a painful experience to make us

change our ways

and a quote by the philosopher george

santiana

those who cannot remember the past are

condemned to repeat it

everything seen in the painting is

repeated again

and again and again in the drawing held

by the inmate

who resembles me before my update to a

solar energy panel

believe me at my age i need it and

besides

as you can see i’d already gone green my

dad was right

life has been different and i never

expected that

incarceration would give me a second

chance at a life worth living

and happiness it has certainly been a

healing and redemptive

experience as well as an exciting and

rewarding journey

my call to action is this just as

artwork and hobby crafts have done all

this for me these programs need to be

promoted

and funded so that they can do the same

for others while they’re incarcerated

which will benefit them the prison

environment

and when released society

thank you

[Applause]

you