Prisoners of the Mind

imagine

waking up every day totally consumed by

pain

migraines insomnia and uncontrollable

thoughts of ending it all fill every

minute

you begin to hate watching the sun rise

for everyone else light signals a new

day filled with opportunity

for you memories of joyful moments

continue fading to black

and when the sun sets crawling inside a

bottle is the only thing that seems to

numb the shame you feel from constantly

letting your loved ones down

imagine taking 12 different

prescriptions each day yet finding zero

relief

you were literally a prisoner of your

own mind

and you share a cell with rage

this is the reality of those living with

a traumatic brain injury

after years of blast exposure while

serving on the military bomb squad

combined with years of repeated blows to

the head from combat sports

this was my reality

i watched the man i once was disappear

as i begged doctors for help

they treated me with a mountain of pills

none of which provided any relief

each new pill added to my daily dose

just made the migraines sleeplessness

and suicidal thoughts worse

and in april 2015 after two years of

pleading with countless doctors

and no break from the pain i finally

gave in to my dark passenger telling me

to end it all

i was ready to find my relief inside the

muzzle of my 45

provided instantly with just the trigger

squeeze

a knock on my door and daddy are you

okay

from my four-year-old son was just

enough to stop me from transferring all

my pain directly to him

his tiny scared voice from that night is

permanently etched in my memory

i’m so grateful i didn’t make my son

carry the burdens that were too tough

for me to bear

every time i share this experience with

someone i’m reminded of how lucky i am

to be alive today

and where it’s led me since then

contrary to public perception tbi isn’t

just an injury reserved for soldiers and

athletes

there are 2.8 million new tbi patients

each year

in fact it’s the second leading injury

in the u.s

based on this statistic alone there’s a

good chance that some of you

have suffered a brain injury or know

someone that has

how has your mental health or theirs

been since the injury

many among the most vulnerable parts of

our population suffer from brain

injuries

a meta-analysis of 38 studies spanning

six countries including our own

found that 53 percent of all homeless

have a brain injury 80 of males

incarcerated in the u.s

have a tbi for females incarcerated

that number increases to 99

when i hear these statistics

we think about the friends peers and

mentors that have been locked up

or lost to suicide it makes me wonder

how we go through each day

carefully protecting the hardware and

software in devices designed to connect

us faster like our newest iphone

but we fail to protect the hardware and

software within our own bodies that

truly connects

us even with all of the technology that

we have available today

mental health still remains the only

area of medicine

that fails to get an accurate picture of

the organ they’re treating prior to

intervention

providers rely on patients to report

their symptoms in order to diagnose

and treatments focused on managing those

symptoms with prescriptions

for a patient with a previous brain

injury these prescriptions can actually

worsen their symptoms due to increased

inflammation in the brain

more importantly failing to treat the

root cause of the patient’s symptoms

increases their risk of suicide and

neurodegenerative disease later in life

how we’re dealing with this issue is

just intensifying the dysfunction and

disconnection

shortly after my suicide attempt an

acquaintance

who has since become family to me

noticed the pain i was trying to hide

perhaps it was easy for him to recognize

since he had suffered similarly

together we spent four years researching

tbi

and treatments that could save us from

the same fate many of our comrades have

suffered

after personally experiencing the truly

profound improvements in our own lives

from these treatments

we founded two organizations whose sole

purpose

is to ensure that everyone that’s

affected can access this care

by collecting images of the brain and

other diagnostics

our providers are able to identify and

treat

the root cause of patient symptoms

there’s no doubt in my mind that i’m on

this stage today

because of these treatments and some

amazing people that refuse to give up on

me

it’s because of these people that i’m

finally able to be fully present

in the love that i share with my wife

and the abundance of joy that radiates

from my ten-year-old son

and three-year-old girl

it’s ironic to think that the keys to

deep meaningful connection in my life

actually came from a time when i felt

the most disconnected from everything

we walk through the pains of our life

feeling all alone

but the truth is we never really are

we’re not all that different from one

another we’re all searching for the same

things in this life

to be loved accepted understood

to cherish the things that bring us joy

despite how hard we try to avoid it pain

is also a natural part of our human

experience

this world it breaks all of us at some

point

but it’s our broken pieces that present

the greatest opportunity for us to

connect deeply with others

when we give ourselves permission to

expose the cracks

and holes in our life the light in

others guides us out of the dark

we find it so easy to accept what others

feel insecure

inadequate or broken about so why is it

so hard for us to embrace the perfect

imperfections within ourselves

rising up from the traumas that chain us

down is only possible when we let others

in

so that they can shift our perspective

i share the most vulnerable painful

piece of my life with you today

because i hope it gives others the

courage to share what they’re going

through

whatever you are battling you don’t have

to fight it alone

i know there are many like me among our

most vulnerable that will not have a

chance to truly heal

and integrate back into their

communities

unless they receive effective treatment

this can only happen if we begin to

uncover the pains that we experience

and the solutions that helped us heal

when we open ourselves up like this we

begin to exercise and experience empathy

empathy is what liberates us from the

prisons of our mind

freedom from our own suffering and need

comes from helping others relieve theirs

we spend most of our time on this earth

building walls meant to protect us from

pain

until we finally realize that those

walls also restrict us from the most

significant connections we will ever

experience

when we finally muster up enough

strength to share the afflictions we so

desperately try to avoid

we discover that there are others who

truly understand

and accept all of us

our species is wired with a biological

imperative to connect we need

community in order to survive

when we finally accept the pains that we

experience as a natural part of who

we’re becoming

we give ourselves and others an

opportunity finally to discover the

community that empowers us

the bonds we form from exposing what

makes us most vulnerable

is the very essence of what makes this

life precious

being loved and accepted in these

relationships is what teaches us to love

and accept

ourselves the greatest thing about all

of this

is that it is entirely our choice

we can continue letting our pain

encourage the habits to make us feel

helpless

and hopeless or it can be a resource

that adds value to our existence by

connecting deeply with others

being brave enough to choose the latter

enables us to become the sum of each

other

and it’s our collective effort that has

a compound effect to restoring life with

meaning

[Applause]

you