Our Loneliness Problem

[Music]

i’m going to ask you

some personal questions and i want you

to take a moment to think about your

answers

using a scale of never rarely

sometimes always okay

never rarely sometimes

always you ready how often

do you find it hard to feel close to

people

how often do you feel left out

how often do you feel that no one really

knows you well

how often do you feel isolated from

others

how often do you find that there’s just

no one there to talk to

if you answered sometimes or always to

these questions

you may be more likely to be lonely like

i am alone i’m not alone in that

loneliness

in a widely publicized study presented

by cygnus health

in 2018 61

of those surveyed reported feeling very

lonely

i took the survey based on ucla’s

loneliness scale

with questions similar to those that you

just answered

and sure enough i suffer from loneliness

loneliness problem is a pervasive one so

much so that scientists have been

working to identify

causes and ways to prevent it as a

communication scholar i was

curious about the impact that this would

have on our

behaviors but as a person

i wanted to better understand my own

experience

to ward off some of the adverse effects

we have a serious problem here but i

believe

we can do something about it when we

consider the implications the new york

times attests that as we age

loneliness can impair our health by

raising stress hormones

it’s just not healthy to be in fight or

flight all the time this

in turn increases inflammation

inflammation that leads to

cardiovascular disease

type 2 diabetes arthritis

and dementia as if that weren’t enough

the centers for disease control and

prevention report that

social isolation significantly increases

a person’s risk

of premature death a risk that may rival

those of smoking

physical inactivity and obesity

right now we are living through an

unprecedented pandemic

and we are forcibly isolated

the cdc identified many common reactions

to the pandemic that could complicate

our mental

health such as feelings of guilt fear

uncertainty and loneliness

in april 2020 the national center for

health statistics launched a survey

and partnership with the united states

census bureau to try to determine the

impact that this could have on our

overall health

from the period of april to june the

weekly survey found that americans

across nearly all

age groups reported a steady increase

in depression symptoms now please don’t

confuse

loneliness with depression depression

for many is a very

real and serious condition and requires

medical treatment

this is still a cause for concern

because loneliness isn’t just a

temporary experience

all too often it creates a cycle of

isolation

right now we are living through an

unprecedented pandemic

and it’s ensuing quarantine one that

will surely impact the way we live for a

long time to come

the truth is this gives us time to

think about things like loneliness

it’s hard to talk about this though when

beginning to write this talk i wanted to

reach out to my 500 plus friends on

social media

to ask if they were lonely and to invite

them to take the same survey i took

to prove it i couldn’t do it though it’s

just not a topic we talk about

you know i moved a lot as a teenager and

each time i had to work to make new

friends and fit in

it became so difficult for me that i

hated high school

and i ended up quitting all together

instead of reaching out for support or

social outlets

i just gave up i needed help

but i was too embarrassed to have this

conversation

and that has to stop why don’t we talk

about

it 61

that’s a majority that means if you

don’t feel lonely

someone you know does this is obvious

it’s a problem we all

share we don’t talk about it because

like so much of the human experience

there’s a stigma associated with

loneliness

stigma as dr pierre labol points out

is a process of being shamed

and excluded from society it’s a process

so in that process we can break the

cycle

by talking more openly about loneliness

we normalize this common human emotion

and we stop the stigma

by redefining our own experience with

loneliness

we begin to heal and we take away its

power

to hurt us loneliness is defined in

several ways

but as educator researcher and

psychiatrist dr shaunra

savarda tawari points out it is our

perception

of being alone and isolated that matters

most

so and hear me out

if we redefine loneliness

as an opportunity for growth

we can consider this time spent

as a place for peace

rest self-reflection

and solitude but we have to start this

conversation

how do we do that and what does it look

like well

for me it was a ted talk

for you it can be something much easier

than this

so recently without any provocation from

me whatsoever

a friend of mine did something

extraordinary

she posted a question on facebook she

asked

what are some ways to deal with

loneliness other than alcohol

and yes she means healthy ways we often

deal

with loneliness and unhealthy

self-destructive ways

the responses were pretty amazing many

people

shared their experience with alcohol and

the negative impacts that ensued

others offered a hand

call your old friend i’d love to catch

up come

social distance visit me i miss you

others offered advice like self-care

self-reflection or just doing something

new

fun exciting rewarding trying a new

recipe

or something as simple as going out and

taking a walk in the sunshine

or cuddling your pets

best of all what this showed us is that

others have been there

and they care and it also broke that

cycle of isolation and silence that

often accompanies

loneliness another thing i learned

through the course of writing this talk

is that when i shared my idea

with others they opened up

about their experience with loneliness

this allowed for a real connection and

that connection

means so much

there is research that suggests there’s

a positive outcome to this pandemic

while our interest in meeting new people

may be diminishing over time

our desire to help them is not

a netherlands study published as a part

of a larger study on pro-social

development in adolescents

aged 10 to 20 years of age identified

that young people

are becoming more inclined to give to

strangers

and those most in need

the study examined 147 participants

before the quarantine and then again

after spending considerable time

in social isolation as they journal

their thoughts including their mood

desire to help others and their concern

for the well-being of others

and then they play dictator games this

is a game that rewards participants for

sharing resources

so the second report showed a higher

level

of giving to strangers

especially those impacted by covid19

healthcare workers and those at greater

risk

and to giving to friends which was

always the standard outcome

we are becoming more caring as a result

of the pandemic

now while it’s difficult to determine

whether these young participants will

act more altruistically

or more inclined to do good deeds they

should

another study published by the uc san

diego

centers for healthy aging determined

that empathy

and compassion could solve our

loneliness problem

participants were surveyed on

characteristics often associated with

wisdom

such as empathy compassion emotional

regulation

self-reflection alongside the ucla

loneliness scale

those who rated high in wisdom