Why We Talk Ourselves Out of the Room.

[Music]

i don’t belong here

i scammed and hustled my way into this

tedx talk

i have nothing important to say and at

most two maybe three people might watch

this video

because i don’t belong here

am i the only one that’s ever felt this

way like you’re successful

but only because someone else fell out

of the running someone just liked you or

they needed a female face

i would say probably not because

according to medical news today

approximately 70 of us feel symptoms of

is

more commonly known as imposter syndrome

so what is imposter syndrome

coined and developed by pauline rose

clance and suzanne iams

in their 1978 seminal article the

imposter phenomenon in high achieving

women

dynamics and therapeutic intervention it

is described as the feeling of immense

doubt in one’s skill set

and the way others view one’s competence

that feeling of not measuring of not

being good enough

can creep in at any time like

while you’re giving your tedx talk i am

by no means at the height of my career

success

i have 11 years as an onset casting

story and supervising producer for major

television programs

i’ve produced promo campaigns for the

bet awards i’ve created digital pieces

for successful brands

i’ve cast the winner of america’s next

top model produced several his seasons

of the show

and have even been tapped to launch an

international franchise for the show

and yet and still it is a constant

battle to remind myself that i’m good

enough

when i was asked to give this tedx talk

it took me a while to get back to the

organizers

not because i didn’t think it was a cool

opportunity but because i knew that for

however long

i would have to stand in front of you

and show and prove that i thought i was

good enough to stand in the ranks of

other amazing ted speakers

for a long time i didn’t think i was

good enough fair

locked control of the outcome stepping

out of my comfort zone of being behind

the scenes

all viable reasons to say no 2020 has

already been a lot

this is not the best time to test my

boundaries expose my weaknesses

or maybe it’s the perfect time maybe

this is our year of fearlessness

the either we don’t just call out the

fair but we conquer it

don’t just step out of our comfort zone

but we live outside of it

because it’s not about whether you’re

scared or not

it’s whether you’re there or not so now

that we know what imposter syndrome is

let’s talk about who’s susceptible to it

as i mentioned

it’s highly seen in minority groups but

when i look at myself i see three main

identifiers

i’m a black woman i’m a caribbean

national lives outside of my own country

and i’m a creative that works in a

corporate environment which means at any

given time i could be the only creative

wild card voice in a room full of

otherwise professional perspectives

now these may not be yours we can all

think of one or two identifiers that

make us the outlier in any given room

but if you’ve ever felt like your voice

didn’t matter if you’ve ever felt like

your voice didn’t belong

you’re wrong speaking up makes you the

most valuable asset in the room

because it’s not about whether you’re

scared or not it’s whether you’re there

or not

so now that we talked about who can feel

impostor syndrome spoiler alert

everyone let’s talk about the causes

first internal causes

internal causes can range from

unresolved issues from the past

to unresolved esteem issues but the root

is always fair

fear of being exposed can lead to

anxiety fear of being praised too much

can cause you to shrink

and be passed over for growth

opportunities two particular internal

affairs that i’ve had to work on

are one the fear of being unprepared

overworking yourself past healthy

boundaries what i call

the duck panic have you ever seen ducks

gliding on water seemingly calm

but you look below the surface and their

legs are popping like all hell

there’s nothing wrong with hard work but

when you have imposter syndrome you feel

the smallest accomplishment can’t happen

unless you work yourself three and four

times harder than everybody else

remember panic is not part of

preparation

internal cause number two fear of not

being light

being a yes person traditionally this is

seen in women

who hide their success to pay more

feminine and more likable

now we do it when we defer to people who

we think are more liked or better suited

for leadership

in the caribbean there’s a cultural

message that is sent at the age of 11

when we set a test that determines what

school we go to

to an extent our social circle and to a

larger extent of social standing later

on in life

that small distinction of what school

you went to can really influence how

comfortable you feel later on in life

speaking up in a room where you feel

like your educational background

is not the one that most people

associate with professional leadership

you feel like you’re being a team player

but what you’re really doing is robbing

the room of a fresh perspective

because it’s not about whether you’re

scared or not

it’s whether you’re there or not now

internal causes are real

but imposter syndrome is not just all in

your head it’s not just you

there are also external causes for

instance over praise

as children we all heard you’re so

naturally gifted at things you don’t

have to try you’re so smart

and that’s a great thing but for someone

with is

it sends the message that you have to

automatically be good at everything you

do it can cause a fear of failure

you’re really good at this one thing

right here in this small box

step out of that box and you fail and

for someone like that

failure is a lack of identity we have to

leave room for our kids

our colleagues our loved ones to fumble

without it affecting how we value them

external cause number two absence of

relatable role models

being the first in your family or

community to achieve incredible success

can be an amazing thing

you can be a unique voice and open eyes

new cultures but for someone with is

a lack of relatable role models can

really be daunting

you feel isolated a pressure to

represent the entire community

you can’t mess up and you feel like the

only value you really bring to the group

is that one perspective

combating imposter syndrome is important

as women

as caribbean people as minority groups

the world is not engineered to make

space for us

as our truest selves versus the

stereotypes that are easier for them to

believe

we make that even easier when we

discount our work

our skill and our value it is up to us

to show up as our truest selves and

stand in that power because until we

claim the fullness of what we bring to

the table

we’ll never feel comfortable sitting at

it because it’s not about whether you’re

scared or not

it’s whether you’re there or not so

we’ve talked about how important it is

to combat

imposter syndrome how do we deal with it

everyone has different methods but

psychologist ellen hendrickson formed a

list for psychology today

that really resonated with me and three

tips that i love are

one find your tribe my tribe consists of

my friends and family

that understand imposter syndrome they

listen they don’t discount it

but they remind me that the same doubts

and fears that i feel every time are the

same ones i dealt with in the past and

it always works out

tip number two expect failure

a big part of why i was hesitant to do

this tedx talk is because all my life

i’ve been told

i talk really fast i’m hard to

understand and i trip over words

but so what if i stumble stutter or even

forget something i wanted to say

does that make what i’ve shared hair

less true fear of imperfection is a fear

of progress

and progress is essential tip number

three

watch how you talk to yourself no matter

who tells you how important how amazing

how gifted you are the most important

voice is yours

to learn how to say i can do this write

it on post it’s on the wall

read books that reinforce it learn to

accept the compliment without tearing it

to parts

you are in that meeting room you are on

that list on that tedx platform

because you showed up for others so show

up for yourself

it’s like my favorite quote attributed

to maggie kuhn speak your mind even if

your voice shakes

or as i like to say it’s not about

whether you’re scared or not

it’s whether you’re there or not and

we’re here

[Music]

you