From Paralyzed to PurposeDriven My Inspirational Story

all right go tom

black representation has failed

generations

it has failed me it cannot

fail the future

i think about growing up as an

adolescent

just being brought into this world

with the with the thought of being

innocent

expecting the same opportunities as

everyone else

really believing that opportunities come

to those that create them

i didn’t realize that

i wasn’t going to be able to see that

reflection of myself

anywhere around that the representation

that could encourage me and give me the

ability to be more ambitious

as a person was not something that i

seen

daily it was a mental defeat

and a mental blocker but also for me

growing up and being brought up

in the communities that i come from i

didn’t know that i had an

identity already and even though that

i was still seeking to figure out who i

was

the world had already determined that

i think about the communities

and the lack of how

being born on the east side of kansas

city missouri had

already divided

had already been divided by a system

that was going to have this innocent man

or innocent young man

defeated no direction no hope

no representation

on top of that the community that i come

from

it was only two ways out of it

you either faced death

or was imprisonment was this something

that

we could change probably with

representation

but because the images that were

portrayed to me

growing up as a youth really spoke to

this being

our reality

i think about that

embedding into like my thought process

and as i would embody it growing up

right my life

as a teenager was one of someone trying

to find an identity

one that really faced the identity that

others have portrayed

and put on to me this wasn’t what who

i wanted to be this is what

all i saw

i remember early elementary school

when i was introduced to a movie called

roots that was the first time

and potentially the last time that i

wanted to see

a person like me facing oppression

so i gravitated to things and that spoke

to

not only my identity that i

saw or reflected upon i also gravitated

to the

image that i that surrounded me daily

that image for the most part wasn’t

something that

was glitter and gold what it was

was an image of people that looked like

me

rising above oppression

maybe the direction of that wasn’t

particularly

what we would say is successful

but it was a lot better than where we

come from

and when you have a mindset

that lacks representation for you to

grow

you fall into the only things that you

know

i look at my pictures and i share this

one a lot

because it was a dark cloud in my eyes

and frankly i felt like this was the

best time of my life

i remember

truly believing that i was on this earth

to either face death by

a gun or be imprisoned

because i was trying to be better than

the circumstances that i was

born into

i didn’t get i didn’t die though

see i was shot multiple times to my

abdomen which left me

with a spinal cord injury that paralyzed

me from the waist down for the rest of

my life

i was okay with that though i wasn’t

okay with the fact that i was still

living i was okay with

dying at that moment that was my fate

that was the identity that’s what had

always been represented to me

as a black man but see

now something has changed

i have a disability this is a new world

this is something that i

i wasn’t used to yet alone

when i entered this world i realized

that

there was lack of representation of me

there as well

i didn’t have someone that i could

actually

see myself being

as a person living with a disability

because the representation that was

portrayed to me

well it wasn’t somebody that could see

themselves living in my shoes

i don’t mean lit walking in my shoes

from a dis disabled standpoint

i mean living as a black man in america

and then having to live as a black

disabled man in america

you can’t tell me that anyone can that i

can just fall into the representation of

anyone

if i can’t relate to this if they cannot

relate to my story

see where i come from you don’t make it

out there’s two ways

so what i relate to is completely

different than many people

the struggle that i went through is a

struggle that i gravitate to

when i listen to other people share

their stories

well if you don’t have representation

because the fate is so real

that you either die or go to jail then

how can people coming from the

communities i come from

actually grow

if there’s not a story we can reflect on

that’s the story that we don’t relate to

the difference with me was that

when i was shot i was also a father

i got so custody of my daughter several

months before my injury

yet alone did i know that through all

this pain

all of this hurt she didn’t see the

defeat that everyone else saw

that i saw she didn’t see the

hopelessness

all she saw was her father i didn’t

understand

that people come into your life and

there’s a reason why

like i didn’t get it until i had a

precious life looking at me differently

than the world saw me

then i saw me

but with that being said the moment of

my

injury i went back to do some research

and i was wondering why did i need this

strength from a little girl

when when i look at statistics

especially around the time of my my

accident

there was a lot of representation

that looked like me it just wasn’t shown

and in missouri alone the statistics

show

that not only does the number of black

citizens disabled citizens

is pretty high the number

the percentage of people living in

poverty with disabilities

is also high those are two

demographics that i i can really relate

to

so why wasn’t it shown to me why wasn’t

it shown to me that

if these numbers were so high that there

could be some type of positive

representation to show me that there was

a better way

than for me to only face this as

defeat but again

with the lack of that representation in

the disabled community the lack of the

representation in a black community

it took a little girl to give me

strength

it took her to see something different

that gave me the ability to see myself

differently there’s a quote that

i go by by gandhi says be the change we

wish to see in the world

you’ve heard my story

all i’ve expressed is

the defeat the trauma the tragedy

this is my success see

i had to realize that i needed to be the

person i kept

looking for and that even though in a

world

i couldn’t find a positive

representation

of someone that came from where i come

from i have that ability because

i am still breathing

and i know for a fact that we all have a

purpose in life

and maybe my purpose was to go through

the struggle maybe

my purpose was to not be able to

gravitate to

representation that helped me grow

because i was it

i look at my life differently now

because i look at the things i

did the moment i stopped seeking

for the person i was already becoming

i became that representation i am that

representation

do i see myself as being the only one no

but i see my story creating more

my story gave me the ability to face the

man that shot me

on national tv

none of that would have happened if i

didn’t see the purpose

my purpose in life bigger than me if i

didn’t recognize and realize that

we didn’t have representation we didn’t

have someone to show us strength that we

could face things the moment we take

accountability of everything in our

lives

no matter what that thing may be it

could be someone that changed

the trajectory of your life but when you

have the ability to accept

let go you become something that you’ve

never

believed that you could be you find

power because you you become

humble and grateful i was grateful for

the position i was put in

because i would never be able to

represent my community the best way i

can today

none of that made me face that man that

put me in this position

and hate him for that what it did was

allow me to realize that the lack of

representation in our communities is

what created the mindset

and created that situation that day my

actions and emotions is the reason why i

reacted

his understanding and knowledge is the

reason why he did

how do we change that representation

we give people the ability to have

strength

by showing them a reflection of

themselves but in a positive way

no one can be judged by their situations

or circumstances that they have been

brought into this world

it is up to you though

to change that and if you cannot find

someone around you

you have to be that

that’s the way life works

but as i think about us and what we can

do

there are many things that everyone

needs to take time to do today

tomorrow and even in the future

understand that our legends die young as

black men

there’s not one person that i look up to

that since here today

that is our reality is that the moment

that some of our

leaders speak up become who they are

that’s it that’s their legacy

so represent us now while we’re still

here

take time to listen stories all over the

world

speak on the same thing speak on lack of

representation

in all communities i may be speaking

primarily about the black community but

representation is needed everywhere

it shows us something different and is a

reflection of

all of us

take note we are more

likely to identify with someone who

looks like

us and better able to imagine

our own potential

everyone should have characteristics or

images

they can relate to it’s realistic

and everyone should be able to see

themselves as heroes

the fact that i’m speaking on

representation

is because the conversation of black

lives matter

is one that we are facing every day

and we are constantly seeing things

unfold in our country

that as a black man i’m not proud of

i’m not proud of the hurt and pain that

i constantly have to watch

i have not seen

a moment that i could really embrace

being black because

i’m constantly fighting to be the

representation

for other people that look like me to be

able to embrace

being black

but this is not something that i could

do alone

this is not something that

it’s just going to happen overnight

but this is a step that we take so that

our future leaders

are more diverse than the leaders that

we have today

that our voices matter in the way that

we see this world

becoming and that we can all come

together

and be better

but it takes all of us

to recognize that we are all different

that cultures matter

and representation

is the way to create an identity for

people

that don’t have one

thank you

you