A lifechanging question we are asked every day

what if i were to ask you a question

and what if i were to tell you that this

question

you are asked 10 20 30 times a day

but what if i were to also tell you that

if you could answer this question

honestly

and authentically it could change your

life

do you know what that question is

i’m sure you’ve guessed that that

question is how are

you and when we’re asked that question

we say i’m good i’m fine i’m okay i’m

all right

and we walk on it’s a ritual it’s a

greeting

and my particular british stiff upper

lip favorite is i’m not

too bad i mean what an answer right

if we were in germany actually we

wouldn’t ask that question

of someone that we didn’t know well

because it would be considered

impolite we would only ask that question

if we expected an answer

so i’m going to help you answer this

question

and hopefully help change your life

because we’re very good at answering

that question

for our physical health if we choose to

i’ve got a cold i’ve got a stomach virus

i’ve got coronavirus or something more

serious

i’ve got cancer there’s no shame or

stigma for doing that

whereas with our mental health the

stigma prevents us from

being more open more honest

and i’m standing out here in beautiful

nature

on an amazing morning you know what

somebody once told me the sound

of mental health is the exhale

my name is rob stevenson i am a mental

health campaigner

passionate about inspiring the creation

of mentally healthier workplaces

societies

and this journey this mission is

personal to me because

i am many things i’m a father

i’m a husband i’m a son i’m a brother

i’m a ceo i’m an entrepreneur i’m a

cyclist

i’m a dj but i’m also bipolar

i experience bipolar disorder

which is a mental illness it’s a mental

illness that is characterized by

extremes of mood from deep dark

depression where

at its worst i cannot get out of bed i

cannot do my job i cannot look after my

children

through to periods of mania where i can

take risks and make very bad decisions

but i also experience periods of drive

creativity and strength

and it’s important we recognize the

differences and the strength the

positives of our mental differences

so i was diagnosed with this condition

when i was 30.

when i was 31 i tried to end my life at

a time where i felt

a loss of hope and a sense of futility

but with the love of close friends and

family around me and the ability to talk

about how i’m feeling i learn to manage

my condition

sure therapy and

medication have been helpful on this

journey

but also building up the self-awareness

of what is driving my mental well-being

has been crucial

in my route to survival and to thriving

so answering that question of oneself is

super important

and it’s also important for all of us

because one in one of us

have mental health it is one of the most

beautiful things about being human

we all have it is it is complex

but if we have it we can accept that we

can influence it we’re all on this

continuum we oscillate from thriving

through to struggling

daily hourly but that knowledge brings

power

because then we can make micro steps to

tweak

where we are on that continuum and if

the pandemic has shown us anything it

has shown us that 100

of us will struggle with our mental

health

from time to time so if we can talk

about it

we can influence it and with influencing

becomes greater happiness and

productivity

as we become flourishing more of the

time

so let’s get back to the question and

let’s change the emphasis let’s change

the narrative

rather than how are you let’s say how

are you today

if we say today that brings a level of

immediacy to the question

it implies that today might be different

to yesterday

to reflect the fact that our mental

health is always changing

like our physical health and fitness is

but it also implies that the person

asking the question

might be available to listen might be

expecting

an answer so let’s try and answer that

question of ourselves in a very

light and curious way

by reflecting on what might be driving

our mental well-being

how well did you sleep last night have

you exercised well recently

is your nutrition balanced

and are you eating a range of good foods

is your alcohol in check

are you getting good nutrients

what is your sense of purpose like do

you know what your why is and has that

changed recently

importantly in current times how well

are you balancing

the natural stresses of our lives our

work our studies

with periods of recovery with mindful

moments

with time away from our computers with

time

focused on our families with time

focused on ourselves are you helping

others

helping others is great for our own

well-being

and what about your finances do you feel

relaxed about your finances right now

there are many drivers of our well-being

those are a few of them

and just reflect in a light and curious

way as to how they apply to you

and think what is my well-being score

out of ten where six is average

five is low four is very low and then

three two one we’re into struggling and

might need some professional help

but seven is good eight is very good

nine is exceptional

and ten is lifetime peak form

where all of the stars align everything

is in balance and it’s the perfect

day for you so what is your score and

the out of 10 bit is important

because it changes

the language we can use to communicate

with how we’re feeling

and this is good for ourselves because

self-awareness then brings

the ability to

really tweak what we’re doing to change

the way we’re sleeping

to prioritize exercise to take those

breaks in the day

to try and move that score upwards or

maintain a good score

but in communicating with others that

language is also very important because

it’s much easier to say

i’m a four out of ten today

rather than i’m experiencing anxiety or

depression

or i’m feeling very very isolated

it breaks down that stigma and

normalizes the conversation

and i think if we can share how we’re

feeling if we can answer that question

how are you today

we can create a type of herd immunity

for mental illness

because we’re creating these circles of

support

in our friend groups our families our

workplaces our communities

all from answering that question

and workplaces i think can can pay

attention to this

if you are a leader of a workplace you

should be asking this question of your

employees in respect of their mental

health

because we’ve removed those natural

support mechanisms to be physically

distant and safe those those social

connections we need

as human beings i hate the word social

distancing by the way

i actually lobbied to get this changed

because we need to be physically distant

to be safe

from the coronavirus but we need to be

socially connected to be well

so workplaces need to be asking that

question and if leaders of workplaces

are not asking their people how they’re

doing

i think you need to question whether you

are truly a leader

right now the same applies to

governments

as we look to build back better is

economic growth

and gross domestic product a really

useful measure of the success

of doing that or should we be looking at

the well-being of our citizens

as a more appropriate measure some

countries do this

scotland new zealand

so i think asking that question of our

nations

of our workers of our employees and of

ourselves

can have a big difference

and i’d like to just share a story with

you from

and some advice from my six-year-old

daughter

because a few years ago gabby age six

i i just i decided i needed to

talk to my children about my mental

illness because i was talking to the

world

at large about it so i sat gabby down

and i said

let’s have a chat about mental health

and if you look carefully on the picture

you can see

she’s put a little l above the m she was

more concerned about the health of our

lentils

our lentil health so i said gabby how do

we look after our lentil health

and she said no accidents daddy wear

your helmet on your bike and think a lot

use your brain which

sometimes is not the right answer if

we’re feeling anxiety and if we’re

ruminating but good advice

literal advice from a six-year-old so i

said

to gabby i’m going to ask you a more

specific question if you woke up one day

and you didn’t feel yourself you were

sad you didn’t want to get out of bed

you didn’t want to play

what would you do

and gabby looked at me like i was asking

the most obvious question in the world

she said daddy i would find someone who

i love and i would tell them

i would talk find someone who you love

and tell them

talk and then i said to gabby if you

went to school one day

and these were the beautiful days when

one could send their children to school

and you saw a friend sitting off to the

side

not playing like they would normally do

looking really sad

looking reserved what would you do

and gabby looked at me like i was a

complete and

utter idiot she said daddy i would go

over and i would ask if they’re okay i

would see if they’re okay

so two things we over complicate as

adults and societies

if we’re struggling with our own mental

well-being

find someone to talk to find someone you

love someone you trust

and talk because talking is the start of

the journey

towards recovery

but importantly in our workplaces in our

communities

in our friend groups in our families if

we see those

signs of behavior change and we have to

look a bit harder right now

but if we see them go over

and ask that person how are you today

and you might need to ask them twice

because of the stigma

that question brings

because we can really create this this

support this herd immunity for mental

illness that i mentioned

if we take the time to ask people we

care about

how we’re doing so

we stand at a junction in time we’re

going to go this way

and we’re going to go this way

over here is a more hopeful world

over here is where we were before

but it starts for me with this question

asking this question

and answering it honestly and

authentically

so let me tell you how i am today as i

record this in this amazing

setting i’m a nine out of ten

i’m on exceptional form my mood is

exceptional

but if we were in a theater right now

and i was standing on that

red dot presenting to you on a stage

which i would love to be doing

right now i would love to be doing that

i would pause and give you the gift of a

few minutes

to reflect on how you’re doing

answer that question and share your

score with the person next to you

and share as much or as little as what

is driving that score

and we would watch the magic happen the

magic

of human connection now we can’t do that

directly today

but we can recreate that magic so after

this talk

when you’ve got some space i invite you

i invite you

to contact somebody you care about and

ask them

the question and share your score

with them and invite them to do the same

and have a chat about it

and i promise you doing that

will change your life so

thank you for listening to me today

and how are you

today