How a simple question can influence your conversation
[Music]
i know
something you may not know
my name is ravi mehr i am a hypnotist
pickpocket magician trainer
and consultant i was born in england
grew up in montreal canada and now i
live permanently back in london england
i am fascinated with the art of
influence
at the beginning understanding how
people think
in the moment gave me the advantage
in my magic performance
and to be honest it made it a lot more
easy for me to steal your wallet
don’t worry you’re safe we’re online
as i continued down this rabbit hole of
learning
i became a hypnotist and that’s when my
fascination became an obsession
i know something you may not know
i know you will answer a question
i know you’ll answer any question during
a conversation
i know you’ll answer a question even if
you don’t know the answer
i know you’ll answer a question either
internally to yourself
or externally out loud
this is the secret a question
will break your preoccupation and
you will give that question instant
attention
if i ask you a question in the middle
of our conversation you have to stop
your thought process refocus on
the question and then think about how to
answer
my question
this is called a verbal pattern break
this gives
me complete control over the verbal
exchange
at that moment
a decade ago i became friends with a
mind reader
his name was john john
would he would he would read people’s
minds
using similar skills that i have
i would go visit john at his english
cottage
we would sit out in his garden sipping
on our favorite drink
and hope it would rain our conversations
would always turn into heated debates
personally i blame the uh i blame the
favorite drink
eventually we both would be up in arms
trying to influence each other’s
conversations
using language skills
a hypnotist having a debate with a mind
reader
is like a boxer fighting a wrestler
it’s just weird
one day in the midst of our heated
conversation i said john
mind if i ask you a question
to this day i remember how john
lost his position in the conversation
it was an incredible thing to watch
remember this question
john mind if i ask you a question
also remember to use the person’s name
you are talking to
and not john unless that person you’re
talking his name is actually
john this simple
question gave me control
and affected john in different ways
after i asked the question john felt
forced to say yes the reason
was because my my question broke his
train train of thought in
mid-conversation
and at the same time cause them to
refocus
onto the question
the question also stopped john
from speaking the question i
asked was only an introductory question
john might have asked you a question
i hadn’t yet asked the pertinent
question relating to our conversation
so john had nothing to verbalize
or argue about yet
the question affected john’s confidence
and body language
the moment john couldn’t continue with
his line of thinking
he lost conviction and belief with what
he was
saying physically
his shoulders dropped as if he wanted to
uh
lean on something
he looked defeated for a moment
this experience with john made me
realize that i could
influence someone in a moment’s notice
by simply asking the person’s name
and then saying mind if i ask you a
question
i started using this question everywhere
so let’s jump forward to when the world
went
into lockdown my business came to an
abrupt stop
there were no more shows and my industry
collapsed overnight
the author john le carey once said i am
still
making order out of chaos by reinvention
i started to think about how i could
reinvent myself during lockdown
i thought about what i did for a living
well i am a hypnotist
i can always walk into a bank and
hypnotize the girl behind the counter
just kidding just kidding
i watched performers move their shows
online for me online shows do not
encapsulate what live performances are
all about
one day i got a call from a magic
company they asked me to do an online
do an online magic lecture
it was at that moment i started to
realize that performances
may come across stir oil on camera
but offering knowledge online could work
i began by offering a course on social
media
after a couple months i made deals with
online companies in america
india and england
at this point i knew offering
knowledge online worked
the purpose of this story is to express
my belief
that everyone has pieces of knowledge
that someone else
would pay for to learn
a while back i called a plumber to come
fix a problem in my kitchen and i
remember i remember he called out from
under the sink calendar and he said okay
i need to adjust
the main pipe and change the valve in
the other one
to create an even flow of water to this
day
i have no idea what he was talking about
you see the plumber knew something
i didn’t know
he could teach that knowledge couldn’t
he
i now found myself working for other
companies
this was not the dream the dream was to
build my
own business and mentor my own students
i started randomly calling people
in the hopes of creating some business
this had zero effect
i got in touch with an entrepreneur who
has his own
business academy during our conversation
he said something that stuck in my head
he told me to write an ad copy and then
email it to potential clients past
clients
friends to anybody and to everybody
to be honest business is not one of my
strengths
i’m an artist who wants to perform
and teach people my piece of knowledge
after having zero effect we’re trying to
call people
up personally i thought this isn’t going
to work
i still proceeded
in the subject header of my ad copy
i wrote this simple message or it’s a
simple question
mind if i ask you a question
i added only the client’s first name to
the beginning of the question
i thought if i put the whole name it it
would
it would sound too formal and hinder the
true connection i was trying to build
i got inquiries and noticed a pattern
developing
i recognized that everybody everyone
replied back in the same manner they all
answered
in the simple they all answered the
simple question that i put in my subject
header
the first comment they wrote back was
yes
and then continue with their thoughts
this simple question allowed me to jump
the first hurdle
it engaged with the clients it
underlined an early feeling of rapport
with me
the next stage i set up time to have a
quick
five-minute chat with the clients on the
phone
i was now in a position to be
conversational with my clients
i can now ask additional questions to
refine
my course to their needs
this process worked like a dream
it started to help me fulfill my dream
once i had a weigh-in with the clients
all thanks to this simple question
now this simple question is not
to be used just to influence people or
for business
i remember i was in uh singapore’s years
ago
i was walking down sentosa sentosa beach
admiring the beauty when from the corner
of my eye
i noticed a girl sitting on the beach
crying
social convention dictates that i’m a
tourist
i should mind my own business and keep
on walking
and i did i got about 10 steps away
before
everything about me felt compelled to
talk with her
so i walked up to her and i asked her
the typical
question are you okay
she was abrasive there was hardly any
eye contact
which was natural because as strangers
we have our guard up
she started to feel shy and embarrassed
as if i caught her
doing something wrong and then
she said in a little voice yes sir
what’s your name gail she replied
gail mind if i ask you a question
i remember she turned around and looked
at me
with sustained attention at first
i thought she was looking at me thinking
who is this guy
something happened the question bypassed
her condition
her focus shifted
this simple question allowed me to break
the initial barrier
and make a human connection
from this point i could ask further
questions
based on her answers and refine my
responses
for her and help her
find the answers she needed
by the end of our conversation the girl
had calmed down
the tears were gone and i just had the
best learning experience
questions allow your listener to speak
this simple question will allow me to
build an instant connection with people
and open a dialogue with them
that being said i don’t think this girl
expected to talk to a canadian
indian who lives in england walking on a
beach in singapore
but hey the world moves in mysterious
ways
an idea can change the world
a question can influence as well as
connect
with the people in the world
now you know something someone may not
know
so you sir yeah you
use her in the front mind if i ask you a
question
thank you
[Music]
you