Moral Questions are Easily Answered but Harder to Practice

i don’t know how many of you know what

happened to me in 2007

but long story short i’m from australia

and i was on holidays in bulgaria

visiting my friends when i witnessed

about 15 drunken neuro nazis shout

racist slurs

chased down and attack a boy with darker

skin the victim was most probably of

roman ethnicity

after i successfully protected the

victim from death or serious bodily

injury

the gang attacked me i was knocked out

and i don’t remember what happened

but suffice it to say i had a knife to

protect myself and one of the gang

members had died

the parents of the deceased as well as

the parents of the other gang members

were extremely connected people

they referred to themselves as the elite

of bulgaria the investigation

and the subsequent trials became heavily

corrupted because of

that despite overwhelming evidence that

i intervened to save somebody’s life

i was convicted for something like

premeditated murder and sentenced to 20

years

maximum security prison last year i was

lucky to get a panel of judges who were

above corruption

and i was released early from prison

after having served 12 years of my

sentence

however the corrupt bulgarian government

has continued holding me here illegally

in bulgaria

now for almost a year with my own inside

they are simply refusing to take my name

off a ban list of people

who cannot leave the country many times

i have been asked how had i

stayed staying for 12 years of prison

and almost a year now

being held illegally by the bulgarian

government i think it all boils down

to moral choice i had to make on the

night in 2007

i think of it as something similar to

asking children hypothetical moral

questions in a classroom or around the

family barbecue

brain diseases that are designed to test

people’s morality

often between an evil solution and less

evil solution

some moral conundrums are easier than

others to answer and of course morality

is subjective

but generally across different cultures

becomes the same conclusions

as to what is right the right action in

a difficult situation

now when presented with this situation

as a hypothetical moral conundrum

most people would say well the correct

thing is to help the boy being attacked

by the neo-nazis

but when that happened to me in real

life people were less united in their

responses

this is where the hypothetical moral

dilemma becomes more complicated

when it meets reality people are not so

quick to answer

when there is a possibility of yourself

or the attacker dying

if you chose the morally correct option

hypothetical questions

are easy to answer but harder to

practice especially so when there is a

possibility of great sacrifice

often these gangs murder their victims

with many witnesses and bystanders

on the following morning in various tv

news shows there are always lots of

friends and family of the deceased

and the first question everybody asks is

why didn’t anyone do anything

although there were people shouting at

the police in america

still not a single person stopped the

police from murdering mr floyd george

when i watched the video a murder of mr

george the only question that was going

through my mind was

why are people just watching why is no

one stopping them

probably if just one person had pushed

the policeman off mr george he wouldn’t

have been murdered

when i saw the neo-nazis attack the boy

i thought about how i would feel if the

new nazi gang murdered this boy

and they had murdered him in front of me

because of the color of his skin

what would his parents say what if this

boy was one of the friends

one of my friends and someone was

attacking my friend for nothing less

disgusting than racism

how could i live with myself knowing for

the rest of my life

that i had an opportunity to save the

life of this boy and i didn’t use it

it was an existential question and i’m a

big believer in the saying

bad things happen when good people do

nothing if i didn’t help this boy

in his moment of need what right would i

have to expect or to ask for help in my

moment of need

too often people renounce their personal

responsibility

that we have for one another i was not

the only one who watched the gang

attacked the long way there were maybe

another 30 people also watching

none of them chose to intervene to save

the life of the people to me it was a

question also of freedom

because i believe there is no freedom

without responsibility

so if i am to be free then i must be

responsible to myself

but also to those around me i made my

decision

in what now feels like the blink of an

eye i was successful in the sense that i

saved the boy

being attacked by the game but

unfortunately one of the attackers was

killed i was arrested and despite the

gang also having attacked the police

not one of them was even ever detained

immediately the entire media apparatus

in bulgaria clipped into action to

exonerate the gang

and demonize me there was every possible

crazy story

for me being a terrorist to being a drug

addict intent on stabbing random people

whilst looking for drugs

these lies were repeated in every

newspaper on every tv

channel every radio station hourly for

the first

five years of what i call proceedings it

was tremendous psychological pressure

that i think would have driven most

people mad it is surreal to know

what really happened but the entire

world is saying that you’re lying

i guess my my my word of caution here

is that we rely almost completely on the

media to inform our opinions of people

and events

but this only works with free and

pluralistic media that engage in

responsible journalism

in bulgaria however the barrage of lies

and the same lie

was being copied and pasted from one

video source to another without a single

journalist bothering to check if the

information

is correct or not this brainwashed an

entire generation

of people in bulgaria about me and what

happened in 2007.

in the court of public opinion i was the

sociopathic foreigner

who needlessly attacked a peaceful group

of youngsters and brought about the

death of one of them

while the media was making slanderous

claims about me and my case

they didn’t spell my name correctly for

the entire 12 years of my incarceration

they didn’t even check basic facts it

was a very conscious propaganda campaign

and the people reading it knew that they

couldn’t control non-bulgarian language

media

so the people connected the people

connected with the nazi gang

and their parents never once spoke to

independent or objective media

never once spoke of international news

journalism

eventually as more people outside the

bulgaria started asking questions there

were two versions of the story that

emerged

one version recorded in bulgarian

language where i was still a monster

and a completely different one reported

in english or any other language other

than bulgaria

where it was acknowledged that i came to

the rescue of an innocent person in

great danger it wasn’t until 2019

when after years of asking my lawyer and

friend kalin angelos

was finally able to obtain security

camry footage of the area where the 2007

incident took place that people in

bulgaria started realizing

that my side of the story was the true

one

up until that point the psychological

pressure was so great it was difficult

to explain

sometimes it felt like the lies were

designed to manipulate the general

public

but other times it felt like the mass

propaganda was actually made to try and

convince me

that i was the person they said i was

this is known as gaslighting

this brings me back to the question i

often get how did i stay sane

and it all goes back to the fundamental

question of morality

is it correct to beat and kill people

because they have darker skin than

yourself

the answer of course was simple that

this was unacceptable

to allow new nazi gangs to attack and

murder people in front of your very eyes

sanity for me for the next 12 years

after i intervened and even still today

became intrinsically connected to the

basic morality

that people shouldn’t be attacked

because of their skin color

it is hard for me to be talking about

these things because i feel stupid

having to say that we shouldn’t be

attacking people because they have

different

colors in than us but what a lot of

people need to know

is that this is not a universally

accepted moral principle

it isn’t even a question of subconscious

racism

it is open over and normalized for many

people and not just in bulgaria but of

course around the world

unfortunately many people like to leave

morality in the realm of the theoretical

but for me it had very practical

implications

and how i spent my time in prison always

went back to what got me there in the

first place

if i was going to oppose racism on the

street i had to defend that principle by

the way i lived in the place where i was

being judged for it

the way i saw it anything i did or

didn’t do in prison would reflect back

on the moral choices i made back in 2007

and the prison environment reflected

pretty much the same street environment

of the attack in 2007.

even the most sympathetic prison staff

still thought of me as an idiot

for having gone to the rescue of someone

especially a roma person

they thought even if i was morally

correct in terms of opposing racism

the act of actually doing it came with

such a high price that it wasn’t worth

it

or even worse there were races prison

management who before i was naive

to help someone of one fbc and yet

others called me a race trader

but if i gave up on my beliefs now then

really it would have made all the

suffering through nothing which i

suppose would have been the biggest

punishment of all

despite the stereotypical portrayal of

prisons in the media

and cinema where prisoners sit around

fighting crimes and violence

the public still has a general idea that

people are supposed to be changing for

the better

and thus leaving prisons more socialized

than when they had entered prison

this however is based on the premise

that those running the prisons

are morally superior or more socialized

than those being sent there

what people don’t understand about

prisons is that very often the staff who

run the prisons are more morally corrupt

than any of the people sent there never

before in my life have i seen people

deprived of given the most basics of

morality

many listening now might think i’m

speaking about the other prisoners but

i’m not

i’m speaking about the stuff the best

way i can explain

ism is to describe it as a living death

it is like being at your own funeral

friends and family and society as a

whole

have some period of grieving but then

move on and the prisoner is forgotten

but that didn’t mean those of us in

prison had to forgive ourselves or each

other

this is what motivated me to start the

bulgarian business association

the first and so far early organization

to take the rights specifically

of being incarcerated in bulgaria during

my 12 years in prison

every day my moral values were tested

for example when a prisoner was tortured

by gods

he asked me for help after i was

reluctant

because i knew it would mean the gods

with exact revenge on me

it took me about 30 seconds to tell

myself you’re not yourself

when things are going good you show your

true colors only when you are afraid

in a way it was exactly because i was

afraid

that i knew that i had to help this

person because if i didn’t

it would mean that the terror inflicted

by these types of people

had been successful it had achieved its

goal

the goal of breaking solidarity between

people that extends back thousands of

years

even to the story of a good samaritan it

was a similar feeling and thought

process

to the fight in 2007 that through fear

and intimidation

they want people to turn their backs on

the most basics of morality

to not help this prisoner who had been

tortured put me to renounce the very

person i believed i was

it meant to announce my very existence

if i didn’t help this man after he was

tortured i wouldn’t know who i was

anymore

i used this particular man’s case as one

example but obviously as part of the

bulgarian business association

i have had to deal with many similar

cases of injustice being down to the

disadvantage involving

prisons i have witnessed fellow

prisoners being misled or outright lied

to about their basic rights

with often dramatic consequences i was

put in prison for helping a person

persecuted by the elite

the elite and the idea was to not only

terrorize me

into check into not challenging the

hegemony of this elite

the message was clearly made to

bulgarian to bulgarian people as well

that these people from the ruling elite

could not be opposed

they were and are allowed to anything

they want

even to the point of attacking anyone

they choose this message was repeated in

prison

that for any disagreements with the

prison management no matter if they were

legitimate or not

then that prisoner would be persecuted

to the fullest extent possible

the problem i had was that if i was

standing on morality to get to prison

the point i was making against racism

would be lost if i was to renounce

morality in the name of

selfishness and self-protective

individuality in prison

in the prison i was told regularly by

the staff to think only about myself

it was even like a slogan in bulgarian

prisons

we are only responsible for ourselves i

was told it was a mantra that the staff

used to break social responsibility

both with regards to interpreters and

solidarity but also to renounce the

responsibility the prison staff

had to each other and to the prisoners

it was a constant temptation to give up

helping or caring about other people and

to think only about myself

almost a daily struggle in my mind

and the pressure was incredible you see

prison is an artificial

despotic surreal world where very little

of what happens makes much sense

but passing through the prison gates and

entering prison did not make me a

different person

there wasn’t a magical barrier that i

passed that changed the person

i was or how i acted there were people

who justified directions to me by saying

here is prison to me this was like

childish school playground psychology

a type of mass psychosis and so i tried

to be

conscious and vigilant not just succumb

to pure pressure

or to the very low standard of social

pressure if something is morally correct

just because you’re being bullied

doesn’t change the fact that it is still

moral

correct others no matter how constrained

still allow for a moral choice to act or

to not act

if you are on the street confronted with

a person needing help from a mob

or in a prison the choices and

responsibilities always remain in yours

originally i hadn’t planned on

mentioning the current pandemic but it

occurred to me

having listened to other people that for

some people self-isolating in their

homes is really difficult for them

for me and for prison activists i think

this is a good time to remind everyone

that this is what prison is like for an

estimated 10.35

million prisoners around the world

another thing i’d like to mention on the

topic

is the incorrect use of the term social

distance team

i have no idea how this term became so

popular internationally

because what we are doing with regards

to the global pandemic isn’t social

distancing at all

it’s physical distancing social

distancing is the purpose prison service

we are not socially distancing during

that pandemic because we still have

social interaction

even within our similar even either

within

our smaller group of friends or family

or online

prisoners are truly socially distant

especially here in bulgaria

where prisoners are only allowed two

40-minute visits behind

glass a month not only that but the

prison administration on purpose

keeps families and friends waiting

outside the prison

in the cold or the heat for up to three

hours

the government is currently building a

new prison that is hours away from any

city

and so the social distancing continues

if we consider that prisoners

are people who have been anti-social how

do people

politicians judges or prison staff think

that these people will be able to

reintegrate into society

by being in an environment that doesn’t

resemble either the general society

or a healthy environment we take people

who we say

are sick and then put them in a space an

experience that is even even

sicker and then we expect them to heal

we need to end social distancing and to

do the opposite by bringing back

offenders into society not by pushing

them further away

part of social distancing are the media

exaggerations and sometimes outright

lies

not only that but it is a cons it is

constant and probably

never ending making social intervention

harder or impossible

but i also believed and i still believe

that a large part of the hospital media

campaigns

and persecution against me personally in

the prison

was to push me to a breaking point where

i would lash out

and then those who had invested so much

time and effort in securing the decision

of the kangaroo court could say see

we told you so we told you john was a

bad guy and again

how i reacted to these tabloid

journalists would be my choice

so i had two important things to

remember what to renounce the person i

was

and also not to become the most i was

trying to defeat so i made a conscious

effort not to change whilst i was in

prison

i did my best at forgetting that i was

in prison and instead looked at the

world around me

as any other i was still a person and

the people around me were still people

it will sound like a cliche but an

extract from what is known as the prayer

of serenity

i believe is extremely important

philosophy grant me the spirituality to

accept the things i cannot change

the courage to change the things i can

no wisdom to know the difference

every time i was confronted with a

problem or dilemma i had two choices

to do something or to not do it not or

to do nothing

there is no third option this vision not

to do anything is also a conscious act

maybe most of us are afraid at times to

do the right thing

maybe only idiots are not afraid the

consequences could be drastic for

example i know of a similar situation in

australia

where a man protected someone being

attacked by a new unites and he himself

was killed by the attackers

but the way i cope with the fear is to

think of myself in the future

looking back at myself and judging

myself judging the actions i took

or didn’t take when confronted with a

dilemma the fear of doing what is right

will have long been forgotten

but the regret of having the opportunity

to have help someone in their time of

need

and not having active would be with me

for the rest of my life

again there are only two choices to do

something or to do nothing

there is no third option thank you very

much for listening to me

you