So What do you do

[Music]

imagine you’re at

a social event it could be in person or

virtual

when someone at that event inevitably

asks you

so what do you do

just take a moment to think about how

you would answer that question

now i imagine a lot of you would have

answered with what’s written on your

business cards

and that’s not surprising nor is it

wrong for most of us this question

is asked and answered on autopilot

and is typically interpreted to mean

what do you do

for a living but that’s just one part of

how we’re living as human beings

and the way we answer that familiar

question what do you do

we’ll be shaping our experience of

ourself and the story of our life

every time we’re asked that question is

an opportunity to tell our story

now i’m sure all of you do lots of

different things you might play golf at

the weekends

volunteer for a local charity run a book

club organize

wine tastings we all have many strings

to our bows we’re not just one thing

so in this day and age how should we

answer this question honestly and

authentically

say for example you’re an accountant

that’s how you make your money

pay your mortgage and look after your

family

but what if you also make wedding cakes

on the side

which one is true at what point do you

feel it’s okay to tell the story of

i’m a baker i design and create bespoke

cakes for weddings

how much time do we need to be spending

on an activity or

how much money do we need to be making

from that activity

for that to be the truth the point is

that both

things can be true all of these selves

are us we’re not just one thing

yet when we’re asked the what do you do

question people are typically expecting

one answer one story that shapes their

understanding

of who we are what we do and puts us in

a box

a box that profoundly affects our

identity and sense of self

and of course there are times when we

all want to be taken

seriously the temptation can be to

answer in a way that says

i’m important but is what you’re saying

important to you if you’re happy

answering with your job title that’s

fantastic

honor that and own that but if you find

yourself in a situation

where you’d rather be talking about a

different part of yourself a part that

speaks to more of who you are as a

unique human being

becoming conscious of your automatic

answers will give you more choice

we’re told not to judge a book by its

cover

yet so many of us judge and then define

ourselves and each other by these titles

i started my career as an actress and

whilst i was good at telling stories on

stage and screen

i wasn’t very good at telling my own

life story

particularly with regards to the what do

you do question

because like a lot of actors i did do a

lot of different things

i remember one time being really nervous

about going to my

then boyfriend’s family party we’d only

recently met and i was eager to make a

good first impression

but it had been months since i’d had a

decent audition let alone a noteworthy

acting role so

i was struggling to own the i’m an actor

identity because

i wasn’t doing all that much of it nor

was it paying my bills

instead i’d be making money through

nighttime shifts at a packing factory

so i could still go to the occasional

audition or acting class during the day

before the party i shared my anxiety

with my acting coach philippa

she threw it back at me well what do you

do katie

what are you doing at the moment that

you’re really enjoying

i paused to think about this well

i’ve been doing a bit of stand-up comedy

around london but i’m not paid i’m not

professional and i’m probably not any

good

she looked at me for a long moment but

they didn’t ask you if you were paid

professional or good they asked you what

do you do

and right now stand up comedy is

something you’re doing and enjoying so

talk about that

i was skeptical i mean did i really want

to imply to my new boyfriend’s family

that i was a stand-up comedian

this was never going to go well fast

forward to the party i’ve barely taken

off my coat before someone pops the

question what do i do well

i didn’t want to talk about the factory

or my fledgling acting career so i

dived in the deep end and followed

philippa’s advice

i do stand-up comedy no way that’s

amazing i’ve always been aware of people

who do stand up

do you find it scary before long

a little crowded gathered around keen to

hear about my experiences in the world

of stand-up

and i realized that they didn’t care if

i was

paid professional or good they were

interested in me

as a human being

that was the day i recognized the power

of storytelling in everyday life

there are a number of ways we can all

answer the what do you do question

and the way we answer it can completely

transform

our experience of ourself and the story

we end up living

here’s the thing about story it creates

our experience

it comes first we often wait for our

lives to happen in order to tell the

story

but actually the stories we’re telling

ourselves now create our lives

so this isn’t just for storytellers in

the traditional sense

this is for everyone whether you’re a

bus driver or a banker

retired or unemployed young or old you

can start answering the what do you do

question

in a way that will bring more of who you

are and who you want

to be into your life we can choose

how we show up in our answer to that

question

so whilst i thought i wanted to tell

people at the party that i was an actor

what was at the core of that dream was

something so simple

a desire to tell stories and that’s what

i was doing with stand-up comedy

and that’s what i’m doing now i’m

telling my story

and when i look back i can see that

storytelling is the thread that connects

many things i do and have done in my

life

it’s shown up in many different ways and

under many different job titles

i write articles i host a podcast i sing

in a choir

and as a coach i help people to take

charge of the narratives that they’re

putting out into the world

i am a storyteller and that’s something

i can own and live from in lots of

different ways

it’s not confined by the tangibles of a

certain job title

description or salary first and foremost

it’s who i am

it’s how i’m choosing to show up in the

world

and that ultimately informs what i do

and how i live

i remember walking into that party

feeling

embarrassed and slightly ashamed that i

was struggling to answer that question

but now i can see that that moment was a

gift because

it helped me to appreciate the many

other parts of my life

instead of defining myself by simple

straightforward job title

i was forced to step back and see the

bigger picture

just as actors step into many different

characters

in our everyday lives we also step into

a variety of roles professionally and

personally

and the impact of the covid19 pandemic

this year has been

such a wake-up call to this

so i was originally supposed to give

this talk in april 2020

but like so many conferences weddings

sporting events and holidays

it was put on hold and many of us found

ourselves living under lockdown

regulations

what we did and what we were planning on

doing in 2020

suddenly looked really different for

some

jobs and responsibilities were stripped

away and for others

roles began to overlap the lines blurred

between father

manager and now suddenly home school

teacher

we could no longer divide our identity

so easily

when the geography that separates work

from school

or the gyms from our homes no longer

applied

and it became impossible to ignore the

fact that

we’re not just our job titles we do lots

of different things

and what we do and how we do it is

continually changing

yet when it comes to the what do you do

question we’re so often expected to have

a

fixed financially focused answer

and if not made to feel like what we’re

doing and

who we’re being isn’t enough

which i believe is a disservice to our

humanity

because some of the most interesting and

important parts of our lives sit outside

of our job titles

like raising the next generation of

human beings celebrating with friends or

falling in love

as a parent a partner or friend what you

do becomes

bigger than just you so

yes whilst you are the leading role in

your life

never forget that you’re surrounded by a

cast of characters

family friends colleagues your community

all people who inform and shape the

story of you

you’re never standing on stage alone

now a common misconception about acting

is that it’s about placing a character

on top of who you are

yet in reality what really good actors

do is they stretch into a different part

of themselves

and as human beings we can and we do do

the same

we can choose to dial up or dial down

certain parts of ourselves that will

best serve us in any given situation

we have so much more range than we often

realize

which is why for me fully stepping into

this character

katie and embracing its breadth and

diversity

is by far the most fulfilling and

freeing part i’ve had the privilege to

play there’s a lot going on in this

one-woman show

and what i do for a job that’s one part

of me

and it certainly doesn’t have to define

who i am as a person

and who i am becoming your answer

only offers a tiny snapshot of who you

are

one of the many complex and

contradictory plot lines in the story of

your life

so the next time you’re asked the what

do you do question

i challenge you to change the game

break through your autopilot responses

and breathe

life into your answer by switching your

focus from

what you do to who you want to be in the

world

what makes your heart sing gets you out

of bed in the morning gives you a sense

of belonging and meaning

after all we’re not human doings we’re

human beings

and who we are is so much bigger and

better than what’s written on our

business cards

thank you