Why ask the question Why

visualize this

there’s a group of youngsters who have

been planning something for a week now

they’re really excited because today is

the day that they get to execute their

plan

they’re waiting for that one phone call

that would let them know about their

approaching target

as the call comes they’re all set

as soon as they get their target where

they want him

they strike with all their might using

stones cakes it all

the victim has no other way out but to

run for his life

they follow him mercilessly finally

all exhausted they stop but

with a feeling of a mission accomplished

now by listening to this narration if at

least some of us were feeling

not just out of curiosity but some

genuine concern

why would somebody do this well then

we do have hope for humanity

good evening ladies and gentlemen i’m

deepa panikin

and i’m going to talk about importance

of asking questions

especially why

let me add a small detail to that

narration that i just finished

this is a real incident and the victim

in this case

is a small puppy dog i so hope

that doesn’t make you feel any less

sorry

about the incident you know you could

very well replace the victim

the perpetrator and the scenario with

any other crime

and you might as well agree that many a

times

what shakes us to the core in such cases

is the motive or even worse the utter

lack of motive

you know i’m also a trainer for

universal human values

and that has given me an opportunity to

interact with trainers across nations

and we have come to understand this fact

that today as a progressive society what

threatens us the most

more than natural disasters or even wild

animals for that matter

is the indefinite unpredictable human

behavior

here we are today discussing grey matter

and i do believe self-control and

decision making

are integral to it

take any theory of emotional

intelligence and it will tell you

that for you to be able to manage your

emotions responses

and thereby your behavior it is

important that you first understand

and reason with them

and when you need a reason what is the

question we ask

why we as a race

seem to have lost touch with the art

and science of reasoning with our own

emotions and responses

thereby our actions so through my talk i

would try to emphasize

how asking why using the sense of

reasoning

can make us less judgmental more

empathetic

respectful open communicators and

thereby

better supportive humans you know for me

asking this question why started quite

early

all credit to my mom and dad who

encouraged it a lot

imagine as a teenager barging into your

dad’s room

and cracking an utter joke suicidal you

might think

well i did it my dad

after a few awkward moments of silence

very nicely asked me

why did you think it was okay to bring

that joke

i blabbered something then came the next

important question

why did you think it was okay to joke

about it

this it becomes important because the

joke was on homosexuality

and i back then had no idea what it was

in the conversation that followed my dad

shared a lot of

wisdom and perspective and i learned

three very important lessons that day

first since my dad did not judge me

i was comfortable to talk which means

lesser the judgment better the

communication

second i realized that before i go ahead

and label things as

embarrassing taboo unacceptable

i would rather reason with them and

understand why i want to take that stand

and third i realized i could bring

anything home

that thought was very empowering

now don’t get me wrong i’m not saying

that we should encourage adult jokes at

home

what i’m trying to emphasize is that we

need to encourage open communication

you know there’s a study conducted by

filtrated with victims of

body shaming and many of them

confided that for them body shaming

began at home

67 percent of women for them it started

because of their mothers

and 47 percent of men mentioned that

closest friends

are the ones who were the love interests

there’s one thing about insecurities and

inhibitions

i do believe we wouldn’t want to do that

to our loved ones intentionally

so then what goes wrong

what goes wrong is we don’t stop to

question

or reason with this whole idea of social

acceptance

if only inhibitions and insecurities

were allowed to be discussed openly

the process of healing would start but

when we don’t do that

we are ideally pushing our young minds

to external sources

because we are more judgmental

you know there is a study conducted by

cyber sentinel in 2019

with youngsters as to how much time they

are spending on the internet and what is

it that they are looking for

i’m sure by now some of you are already

thinking pornography family planning

yes those are there on the list but what

is also there on the list

is diet plan weight loss

self-esteem and emotional support

wow i wonder what

that says about us as a society if our

young minds have to go to google for

emotional support

where are we going wrong

it’s high time we reasoned with our set

pattern of thinking

and beliefs why would

we feel embarrassed or ashamed about

discussing those vital aspects of life

with those people who are the most

important ones to us

it’s high time we encouraged open

communication

and that would help us move beyond

judgments to be a little more empathetic

interaction with young minds is very

important and that’s why i believe as an

educator it’s a blessing

i get to interact with so many young

minds but at the same time

i have to put a conscious effort to

reason with my

actions behavior and my emotions my

thoughts

otherwise instead of inspiring

i might as well end up doing lot of

damage

you know when i just started teaching it

was just my first year of teaching

when i met this person who was into a

habit of conducting a survey

he would actually go to these teachers

and find out about class

and students that we were yet to teach

now i am not against the idea of being

well informed

but then we have to be careful when you

are gathering emotions

in terms of opinions if we fail to

reason with those

we end up with only judgments and labels

i do believe that when i enter a

classroom

i would want my students to gauge me or

connect with me based on their personal

interaction with me

and not based on what they have heard

from someone or they’ve heard from

somewhere

well then it’s only fair that i give

them the same opportunity

rather if you look at it it is their

right

this approach of reasoning with what

all my actions thereby has helped me

enter a classroom without these labels

these judgments that extra burden and

thereby

i connect with my students at a level

where they become comfortable

they feel the mutual respect and it

makes easy for them

to communicate effectively with me

you know let me share this another

instance with you

uh i saw this habit of taking up

students the

role numbers for discussion it’s fine as

long as you’re taking attendance

but then when you’re discussing

individuals and you still refer to them

by numbers

we do have a problem there so what i did

was with all these observations

i went ahead and used them while i was

while i was interacting with teachers

be it in a seminar workshop training

whatever

all we had to do was reason with these

actions

so i would ask them a simple question as

imagine one day you enter your workplace

and instead of being called as let’s say

deeper you’re called as triple one

triple zero how does it feel

and they would all agree that it was

kind of demeaning

and they didn’t really like the sound of

it

so then the question was very simple why

would you do that to your students then

and it would click interestingly many

teachers post the sessions came

and told me that we have stopped doing

that but what was more

important was that many teachers

mentioned they had never thought of it

that way

it was not intentional that is the

beauty of reasoning

it opens up perspectives for you which

otherwise remain

unexplored thereby helping you become

more empathetic

it helps you understand people and

thereby it also helps your understanding

of the concept

respect yes respect now let’s come to

that let me share another experience

with you

i was at this interview and one of the

panelists was

not really happy with me because i had

attended a

you know a workshop on how social media

could be used for english language

teaching

and she told me very clearly that she

was dead against social media

the reason that she stated was that a

girl and her family

had to commit suicide because uh the

girls photographs

on facebook were hacked

morphed and published indecently

so blame it on facebook and blame it on

the girl

when i sat there reasoning with this

what i felt was

there was some person on social media

who did not realize

that even in virtual space respect is

due

you have to respect a person and their

right to privacy

also this person was incapable

or let’s say he did not have the ability

to reason with his thoughts and actions

thereby he ended up doing such a big

damage

why blame him alone let’s blame it on a

society as well

we as a society are akin to picking up

easy targets conveniently and

unreasonably enough

we would rather blame the victim and add

to that trauma

indulge in victim blaming instead

of going after the culprit so what is

wrong with us here

what is wrong is that we don’t use our

sense of reasoning

we don’t ask why is it that we follow

this herd mentality

and continue with a sick set fixed

pattern of behavior

why is it that we start thinking of

respect as an

object which is kept out there and it

could be taken away by

from me by somebody else’s insensitive

inhuman behavior

my dear friends i do believe that

respect

is self-defining

every time i open my mouth to say

something about somebody

or act for or against someone i actually

expose more of

my character and not of the other person

so my class my community

my gender my age my sexual orientation

the fact that i’m a rape survivor or a

survivor of acid attack

the fact that i don’t want to fit into a

propagated framework

set apart by the society or the fact

that

i’m an english teacher from an arts

background teaching and engineering

college

none of this can decide whether i’m

deserving or undeserving of respect

why do we respect we respect because

we can i’ll repeat that

we respect because we can and if we

can’t

then high time we question what is it

that pushes us into a zone

where we become so insensitive that we

cannot even respect our own kind

you know i tell my students that

whenever somebody comes to you with

appreciation or criticism always seek

reasons

why well because if you know the reasons

you know what you’re good at

and you also know what you need to

improve on

but if either of these things comes

without

reasons well do realize that you have to

understand it is baseless

and you should be able to move on

i do believe this reasoning approach has

become very important because

one i need to safeguard the interest of

my students

i want to make sure their self-esteem is

not put on the line

second i do feel that

it will make them more humble grounded

and accommodated

my sessions with my students are not

about just a concept

we discuss life experiences we reason

with beliefs

we reason with perspectives we reason

with failures and vulnerabilities

so they know that the teacher is not

perfect and it’s okay to fail

as long as you’re ready to learn and get

back on your feet

this kind of a healthy discussion this

kind of

a reason based approach makes us people

who are good listeners

we are open to new perspectives and we

do realize

that though we share the same planet

each one has a different world of

experience to bring

and we respect that we accommodate that

i do believe that is what is required

today

this sense of reasoning has also helped

me as an educator

because i’ve come to realize that what i

serve is not just a system or an

institution

i serve a bigger purpose that has helped

me touch lives

you know we live in a society where

certain set frameworks get propagated so

influentially

that they become a norm and then it is

expected that you give

absolute allegiance if not question it

now

then when we are in for trouble if we

don’t use our sense of reasoning

so all i’m trying to say is that we have

one life to live

and we have a gift of sense of reasoning

we could use it to add value to people’s

life

or make people’s lives miserable choice

is completely ours

but it is important that we ask why and

we use the sense of reasoning wisely and

well

for this will decide whether it is tales

of

fear insecurity or

tales of humanity empathy and respect

that our future generations will get to

tell

thank you