The graceful art of giving up

every day

we hear and read things from people who

are experts

in their field they’ll tell us how to

change our habits and hobbies

to become the best possible versions of

ourselves

they’re scholars and professionals each

with a lifetime of experience in their

areas of expertise

i am no different i’m an expert

singularly qualified in the art of

giving up

for over 20 years now i have been

collecting data

to distill the art of giving up into an

exact science

in the interest of research i have

successfully quit learning three

languages

four instruments and five youth sports

teams

when you combine that with the various

jobs relationships

and activities i’ve also left i feel

confident today

in saying that i am an expert quitter

towel thrower

and flag waver but here’s the catch

you all are too everyone watching right

now

has and will quit tens or hundreds of

things in the coming years

a person will work on average 12 jobs in

their lifetime

80 percent of university students will

change their major before graduation

we’ll all have multiple partners or

plans that have a higher probability for

failure than success

yet when the time comes for us to quit

something that we know is unhealthy or

unfulfilling

oftentimes we’re unprepared

we live in a society that views quitting

as an act of supreme weakness

selfishness laziness or insert whatever

adjective you’d like

but this is at odds with the fact that

quitting is not a rare occurrence

so the next time we want to articulate

to our friends and family colleagues and

co-workers

just exactly how we’d like to withdraw

we’ll use my proprietary

cutting edge acronym i’m out

don’t have time to help a friend with

that extra project i’m out

another class you took on isn’t

everything you thought it would be i’m

out

so what exactly does i mount me well

let’s start with our first letter

i intuition

our intuition is a biological warning

for things that aren’t good for us

and in a world filled with rules and

systems it can be hard to remember to

listen to these

unconscious deeply ingrained indicators

of stress and anxiety

take the thing you want to quit for

example ask yourself how it makes you

feel on a purely emotional level

maybe it’s the stress of making small

talk at an upcoming party

the anxiety of dealing with an irritable

boss or coach

or maybe it’s the anxiety that comes

from standing on a circle of red carpet

giving a ted talk in front of a live

stream full of strangers and trying not

to throw up

these are relatable feelings and once

we’ve identified

how our various jobs and obligations

make us feel on a purely intuitive level

we can move on to our next letter m

measurement let’s quantify those

feelings of anxiety and nervousness

this is the emotional cost of the thing

you want to quit

the want to leave the thing is weighed

against the need to do the thing

we all may want to quit our jobs but we

need money

because money can be exchanged for goods

and services

we also want to stop worrying about what

others think we want to stop

thinking about factors outside of our

control and how to fit in

these things cannot be exchanged for

goods and services and oftentimes can

actually make us lose sight of the

things that we

really do need to do that are good for

our well-being the

expert quitter recognizes the things

that can and cannot be quit just

overnight

and to begin that quitting process

requires oh

outsourcing quitting ain’t easy even

when you know you want to quit

you can’t do it in a vacuum what will

our parents think

colleagues co-workers they’re counting

on us now the

o sound here in imout could easily stand

for honesty but then this acronym

would say i’m hut which i feel has just

slightly less of a ring to it

outsourcing our quitting though is an

easy and effective way to lessen the

stress of withdrawing

and it all begins with honesty rely on

resources an hr department teachers

friends and family

where you can advocate for your needs or

at least if the roles are reverse

let’s understand another’s decision to

step away confide in friends and family

who you know will practice

you understanding our society

places incredible pressure on all of us

to do

and be more every day masculine

stereotyping asks that men

persevere and show no struggle outdated

feminine biases demand that

women shoulder excessive burdens and

voice no complaint

and this is all compounded for

non-binary individuals and

other minority groups who can already

feel that institutions are designed

against them for these individuals

advocating for their needs may only make

things worse

understanding these nuanced stigmas and

the lack of control we have over them

can help us from feeling ambushed by

them as we quit

but above all let’s remember to be

understanding to ourselves before

anything else

because at the end of the day you’re the

one who’s quitting for you no one else

and doesn’t that feel good only t will

tell

and t stands for time

once we’ve done all that work to quit

and quit honestly

in a way that considers our needs and

the needs of others

it can feel tempting to jump right back

in on that next thing

after all wasn’t the reason we quit in

the first place to free ourselves up for

something else

the world we live in places such a

premium on doing

and if you’re not filled with tasks and

projects reading novels writing your

novel what are you doing to improve

yourself

but actually human beings do a lot of

valuable things with their free time

from cave paintings to cat videos it’s

incredible to see what you

i or anyone will come up with when they

have the space to pursue their interests

the final step in the i’m out process

asks for you to sit with the space

created from withdrawing

maybe you’ll decide that you can handle

it after all

or maybe you’ll just relax seriously

in terms of sudden relief instant

gratification and a rush of dopamine

i believe that giving up can fit

squarely between a venn diagram of sex

and drugs and if that’s not intuition

right there

i don’t know what is so quit something

and soon

it might just save your life because who

knows you could decide

you could handle it after all maybe

you’ll have the courage to take things

in a whole new direction

either way there’s no shame in realizing

that sometimes

in life the best thing to do is just

you