My testimony as a refugee in France

[Music]

hi

my name is nixia on winter of 2019

i was a homeless refugee in paris

i was sleeping on the ground while i was

hiding behind the cars

i was hungry i was sleepless and sick

mentally and physically

i was all alone nobody knew who i am

nobody knew who i was nobody cares

all the time i was praying although i

would rather to die

than living that situation i was praying

for

magic i was praying for a hero

to find me and take my hand and save me

but as a lonely girl in a foreign

country

with the name of being refugee

i was invisible for everyone

even for heroes

i had two choices wait for

magic or

for a hero or become my own

hero we just

don’t losing my hope and

just continue to seeing myself

as a successful woman again

but how did i got there

i was born in the country that

woman actually has no right i was born

in tehran iran

you can choose where you want to burn

but you can choose who you want to be

and what will be your future

it was all my thought came when i was a

child

since i was a little girl i had the

dream to become a superstar

like most of us but my dream was so

serious i was seeing myself

as a successful star when i was watching

some movies when i was

watching even some music video or

looking at some

models picture i was like i want to be

one of them

but in my country a lot of jobs are

illegal for women

actually they are not even exist to a

woman want to work

work in that area

for becoming an actress in the time that

i was living in iran when i was a child

not all families would accept that the

children go to the art school my family

was one of them

long story short i grew up

and i decided to fight more and more for

my dream

i decided to do what makes me feel happy

what makes me feel proud

with a lot of problems that i had

finally

i became a model

i was so proud i was making good money

it was my dream job and i was living in

that dream

in my country women as a model

they must do that with hijab

there you can do modeling or

anything without hijab

but the girl inside me she wanted to

work as

all international models she wanted to

do her job like like if as a free woman

like all models all around the world

so i started to work more than laws

and government couldn’t accept that

they tried to punish me with 148 times

weeps

and send my dead body to the jail

so i had no choice but

running away from my country

on 2017 with one small bag

and limited cash on my pocket

i fleed my country i opened my eyes

i found myself alone

in unknown world i couldn’t even speak

one word english

it it was crazy i can’t even

explain how it feels i left everything

that i

loved behind my father my family my

friends

my cats my my home my

everything i became

nobody

after a long time depression i decided

to fight for my dream again

i i said to myself past this past

but future still exists so

fight for it go for it do something

but before anything i just needed a

safe zone for having an id and

continue my life but as a as an iranian

girl

or man it’s not easy

to have a visa for foreign countries for

most of countries so

i was so nervous and long story short

somebody helped me to

get a visa and for the first time i came

to europe

and i become refugee in france

i’m not gonna lie to you being a refugee

is the worst thing that can happen to

somebody

i don’t know you believe in karma or not

but i do

when i was a child we had a lot of

refugees in our country

afghan refugees

and i was a child

but it was all the parents thought that

they put in the

in our minds that the thoughts like

don’t walk next to them don’t look into

your their eyes

don’t talk with them don’t don’t

look at them don’t do anything with them

and we just hated them with no reason

they were real education educated

they were well educated or they were

good people or bad people we didn’t care

they were just in our country and we

hated them

because they looked different they

they didn’t know us we didn’t know them

and it was just all hate between us

and them

actually there was some of them

that they were doing some bad things

like

they were stealing something or some of

them raped some iranian

girls and because of these things

we started to judge even good ones all

the jobs that they could find

was shitty jobs like a be a doorman or

i don’t know manual worker with the

stupid money we use them

when i became refugee in france

government told me that i can work

i can have a house and

till i receive my answer they gave me 10

euros per day to live

imagine i came to the friends

with limited money and that money

finished

i was scared i started to trust to

people

to completely strangers

but when you’re alone when you have no

id

when you even live with look good

it’s like a magnet you attract wrong

people

nobody was behind me nobody protected me

nobody knew

where am i what am i doing

i started to trust to strangers and

unfortunately

it’s end up with they

just wanted to have sex with me just

have a sex for a safe place or for a job

and when i was not accepting that they

were

kicking me out of their places i don’t

know they

they just i heard million times why

don’t you

go back to your damn country what are

you doing here

we don’t need foreign air in our country

once somebody kidnapped me once i was

locked in

another city with completely stranger

and a lot of crazy things happened to me

at the end i decided to jump into my

fear

my biggest fear that was sleeping in the

street

i get tired of crazy people around me

so i started to live in the street

i thought my life gonna change

i’m gonna change it but it was just

getting worse and worse

when i was sleeping in the street when i

had no money

when i saw how people treated with

refugee or homeless people or

people like me all inside me was full of

anger

i really wanted to hurt somebody i

really when i was hungry i really wanted

to steal something

to just to just eat and do you know what

what thing was in my head the first

thing came to my head

was refugees in my country

the first thing that came to my head was

the refugees who were raping and

stealing something

and i thought to myself oh my god

it’s a karma you know time

passed and passed and now i was in the

same situation

and i could feel them not everybody are

strong to

keep their soul white when they are in

hard situations

a lot of times in the metro there is

some boxes with

food i don’t know what is this

machine’s name but i was even thinking

like broke it and eat something just

just take something to eat

i was thinking stealing some bags some i

just

i need food

but i didn’t but not everybody are

strong enough so this

i was thinking it was us to lead

people to do bad thing when you’re alone

when nobody care about you when you’re

hungry

when when when you can’t have your needs

not everybody can be strong and say i

will do it on future a lot of us will

lose ourselves

not everybody can be strong and say i

will

do it on future a lot of us will lose

ourselves

and maybe do crazy things so this is us

to lead people to do bad things

i just kept on praying and praying

and the magic that i was waiting for it

just happened

i just control myself to keep my soul

white to do not

do crazy thing and one day when i

thought

my life is over i you know

all under my eyes were black because

government told me that if you lose your

documents

you have to leave country we don’t care

so imagine

i had no money in my back in my luggage

but

it was my refugee documents and

all the time i was telling to myself i

have to protect this what if somebody

think that i have money and steal this

back so

imagine for a long time for a long time

i was not sleeping

i was not eating something and i

remember i was controlling

um i was losing the control of my head

my head was shaking like that

and one day i just i just

cried and cried and i thought

it’s over even in my nightmares

i never saw myself in that situation

but exactly in that moment magic

happened

one of the one of the journalists of

really one of the in my english is so

bad

one of the famous journalists for uh

that worked for a famous

um newspaper in france he found me

he found me and he wrote my story he

wrote down my story after that and other

countries wrote my story

and like that people starting to know my

story

know me give me good energy took

taking my hand and like that my life

started to change

but now i feel like

it’s my responsibility to tell you

that you need to change your point of

view about refugee people

refugee people are not here to take your

place

to take your opportunities refugee

people

had no choice there is some countries

that

you can go to school there are some

countries that woman has no

right there is some countries you can

buy your

your medicine there is war out there

we all have right for living

we all have right to live

happy

these people has no choice just being

nice with them

just be nice with them don’t lead them

to the wrong places

i followed my dream

and i end up there i’m just

not gonna lie to you following your

dream it’s not easy

sometimes it hurts you it takes

all you have

sometimes you need to drown to know how

to swim

sometimes bad things happen to universe

just see

how much you want you want that dream

and i proved that i wanted so much

today i’m nobody to tell you what you

have to do about your dream

but i’m so proud that all my you know

you

god heard my voice and now

today i wrote a book about my life about

women

about sexual abusing about refugees

about homeless people

maybe this book can change the point of

view of people

about people who living in the same

situation that i was living

i want to end it with one poet that i

love it so much

as sadie said human beings are member of

a whole

in creation of essence and soul

if one member is african

with pain other members uneasy will

remain

if you have no sympathy for human pain

the name of human you cannot retain

just be nice

you