Hows Your Family Upbringing Influence Your Life

[Music]

hello everyone my name is andrew ko

thank you so much for tech utm for the

invite i’m so pleased to be here today

let me briefly introduce to you guys who

i am i’m actually a pharmacist and also

a social media content creator

in 2014 i joined miss astro chinese

international pageant

and i won the crown ever since then i

participated in entertainment line

i participated in acting hosting and et

cetera and then last year

2020 when i appended mixed outbreak i

started my own youtube channel and in my

youtube channel

i started to flames and share about my

pharmaceutical knowledge

and also a issue in gender relationship

ever since then i received a lot of

message across the world

asking my opinions in their relationship

and

also their marriage and today i’m going

to share about

my new finding in relationship

i found that amongst all those problems

that most of my followers of my fans

are facing actually they share a

similarity between them which is

a family relationship or family

upbringing actually

influence how their lifestyle is going

to be

and in today’s video i’m going to share

about details in how families upbringing

is going to affect your adulthood

or your relationship if you take an

in-depth loop

in your past relationship or your

current relationship you often share the

same kind of behavior

in all your relationship some of you

will realize that

you are trying to please your liver

some of you will assert some control in

your relationship or you may

even have an idealized picture how your

liver should be

also owned for better and for worst

there’s a lot of studies shows that

family relationship

or family upbringings actually play a

central role

in shaping house and individuals

well-being across the live

course how we choose to react to our

different situation and how we express

ourselves our form at a very young age

marriage and family counselor dr milan k

and yokovich described

everyone have a different lifestyle

based on their family upbringing

a lifestyle is a compromise of a

tendency and inclination how we respond

to our

relationship but by understanding how we

learn we have to discover

how our lifestyle exits on our

relationship there are four common

love styles that i often see in my life

first one is the pleaser

police are often grown in a family with

over protected parents

they have to assert at their best

behavior just not to provoke their

parents

which will react angrily or harshly

towards

any perceived misdeed rather they

receive comforts from their parents they

have to give comforts back to their

reactive parents

pleaser hate to be in a conflict

confrontations or disagreements

when they find themselves in a

disagreement they often end

up the disagreement by giving ins or

making up it quickly

when they find themselves angry with

their spouse they often resolve in lie

or passive aggressiveness rather than

directly addressing

the situation which may potentially lead

to confrontations

pleasers are very anxious about making

other people upset

and they often grow up in how to read

people’s moods better

to ensure they keep everyone happy so

there’s a little

tip for all of the please out there try

to keep your personal boundary

learn how to stand up for yourself and

not to living in other expectations

second one is a low self-esteem person

with low self-esteem often grow in a

family

which is quite chaotic with one or both

parents are very violent

very angry or very judgmental they have

a difficulty and effective change with

others

and also in accepting their own

competence

because their family just purely very

judgmental

um looking back with a traditional

parenting we often

hear things like um we

shouted at you we scroll you we hit you

we beat you we belittle you it’s because

we love you

and if not who will love you better if

you often grow up in this type of a

family culture or parenting

you are often very low self-esteem

because whatever you do

you feel like you are not good enough

and those people often end up

with a controller who have the same

behavior the victim had to deal with

when they growing up

no matter how successful they are when

they grow up they will pick their own

faults

just like how their parents used to do

with them and they

often have the constant feeling that

they are not good enough

and they are incompetent in comparison

to others

in order to build stable healthy

relationship you have to believe in

yourself

you have to stand up for yourself and

not letting your parents

or your partner to manipulate you

the third one controller controller

often grow in your family with lack of

protections or tensions from the parents

with a constant lack of tensions or

protections from their parents

they having one of the mindset in order

to survive

is to toughen up so the controller

feel vulnerable if you take away their

control and they will get

angry very easily if there’s a deviation

from their usual way of doing things

controller often emphasizes in equality

or respect when it comes to adulthood

when things doesn’t go his way of doing

things they often blow up

so that’s the little tips for the

controller you have to learn to having

trust in other people and have to learn

to let go

of the things that you think other

people cannot handle so

controller have to learn to respect

others and have to

learn to relax so the final one

sentimental vesselature

okay how can i describe this type of

person they are quite

emotional so vacillator often grow in a

family where they understand they never

their top priorities for their parents

which end up they wanting more of the

attention from the parents

due to the consistent lack of attention

from their parents

they show a high sensitivity towards

connections and

rejections which end up in deep fear of

abundance

so when vacillator go into relationship

they dedicated most of the time

to their spouse because they think that

they finally find

an ideal lover so as the time progressed

their spouse will end up

feeling suffocated because they cannot

living in the

ideal picture of oscillator mice and

their spouse often

end up feel like they are not good

enough or they feeling like they are

working on the egg shells when trying to

lift the vacillator

vacillator often have a lot of

imaginations

or lots of rules and regulations of how

their liver should be

and when their liver did not meet the

standard

they will be very angry they will be

very sad

and it deemed that all those characters

that the spouse is

actually possessed are not loving them

enough so here’s a little tips for the

vacillator

try to find a realistic expectations

and learn how to space yourself so you

don’t end up

getting hurt by your own expectation

okay so here you go is the umbrella

style that i

always see in my life the above love

style

shows a different type of emotional

injury

a person might go through in their

childhood any house it affects the love

life

when they enter adulthood our childhood

experience have a huge impact

in how we receive and giving love in our

adulthood knowing your lifestyles

or your partner lifestyle can

potentially help you in

to better understanding how is your

tendency and inclination or how is your

partner

going through in your past regardless of

any kind of lifestyle that you are

having or your

lover are having right now we should

aspire to be a secure connector

secure connector is a very ideal kind of

lifestyle where

they are so comfortable in receiving and

giving love to others

so here you go my sharing today i hope

these sharings help you

a lot or your partners a lot or help you

to explain a lot of

problems when you come into relationship

so thank you for watching

see you next time

you