Hows Your Family Upbringing Influence Your Life
[Music]
hello everyone my name is andrew ko
thank you so much for tech utm for the
invite i’m so pleased to be here today
let me briefly introduce to you guys who
i am i’m actually a pharmacist and also
a social media content creator
in 2014 i joined miss astro chinese
international pageant
and i won the crown ever since then i
participated in entertainment line
i participated in acting hosting and et
cetera and then last year
2020 when i appended mixed outbreak i
started my own youtube channel and in my
youtube channel
i started to flames and share about my
pharmaceutical knowledge
and also a issue in gender relationship
ever since then i received a lot of
message across the world
asking my opinions in their relationship
and
also their marriage and today i’m going
to share about
my new finding in relationship
i found that amongst all those problems
that most of my followers of my fans
are facing actually they share a
similarity between them which is
a family relationship or family
upbringing actually
influence how their lifestyle is going
to be
and in today’s video i’m going to share
about details in how families upbringing
is going to affect your adulthood
or your relationship if you take an
in-depth loop
in your past relationship or your
current relationship you often share the
same kind of behavior
in all your relationship some of you
will realize that
you are trying to please your liver
some of you will assert some control in
your relationship or you may
even have an idealized picture how your
liver should be
also owned for better and for worst
there’s a lot of studies shows that
family relationship
or family upbringings actually play a
central role
in shaping house and individuals
well-being across the live
course how we choose to react to our
different situation and how we express
ourselves our form at a very young age
marriage and family counselor dr milan k
and yokovich described
everyone have a different lifestyle
based on their family upbringing
a lifestyle is a compromise of a
tendency and inclination how we respond
to our
relationship but by understanding how we
learn we have to discover
how our lifestyle exits on our
relationship there are four common
love styles that i often see in my life
first one is the pleaser
police are often grown in a family with
over protected parents
they have to assert at their best
behavior just not to provoke their
parents
which will react angrily or harshly
towards
any perceived misdeed rather they
receive comforts from their parents they
have to give comforts back to their
reactive parents
pleaser hate to be in a conflict
confrontations or disagreements
when they find themselves in a
disagreement they often end
up the disagreement by giving ins or
making up it quickly
when they find themselves angry with
their spouse they often resolve in lie
or passive aggressiveness rather than
directly addressing
the situation which may potentially lead
to confrontations
pleasers are very anxious about making
other people upset
and they often grow up in how to read
people’s moods better
to ensure they keep everyone happy so
there’s a little
tip for all of the please out there try
to keep your personal boundary
learn how to stand up for yourself and
not to living in other expectations
second one is a low self-esteem person
with low self-esteem often grow in a
family
which is quite chaotic with one or both
parents are very violent
very angry or very judgmental they have
a difficulty and effective change with
others
and also in accepting their own
competence
because their family just purely very
judgmental
um looking back with a traditional
parenting we often
hear things like um we
shouted at you we scroll you we hit you
we beat you we belittle you it’s because
we love you
and if not who will love you better if
you often grow up in this type of a
family culture or parenting
you are often very low self-esteem
because whatever you do
you feel like you are not good enough
and those people often end up
with a controller who have the same
behavior the victim had to deal with
when they growing up
no matter how successful they are when
they grow up they will pick their own
faults
just like how their parents used to do
with them and they
often have the constant feeling that
they are not good enough
and they are incompetent in comparison
to others
in order to build stable healthy
relationship you have to believe in
yourself
you have to stand up for yourself and
not letting your parents
or your partner to manipulate you
the third one controller controller
often grow in your family with lack of
protections or tensions from the parents
with a constant lack of tensions or
protections from their parents
they having one of the mindset in order
to survive
is to toughen up so the controller
feel vulnerable if you take away their
control and they will get
angry very easily if there’s a deviation
from their usual way of doing things
controller often emphasizes in equality
or respect when it comes to adulthood
when things doesn’t go his way of doing
things they often blow up
so that’s the little tips for the
controller you have to learn to having
trust in other people and have to learn
to let go
of the things that you think other
people cannot handle so
controller have to learn to respect
others and have to
learn to relax so the final one
sentimental vesselature
okay how can i describe this type of
person they are quite
emotional so vacillator often grow in a
family where they understand they never
their top priorities for their parents
which end up they wanting more of the
attention from the parents
due to the consistent lack of attention
from their parents
they show a high sensitivity towards
connections and
rejections which end up in deep fear of
abundance
so when vacillator go into relationship
they dedicated most of the time
to their spouse because they think that
they finally find
an ideal lover so as the time progressed
their spouse will end up
feeling suffocated because they cannot
living in the
ideal picture of oscillator mice and
their spouse often
end up feel like they are not good
enough or they feeling like they are
working on the egg shells when trying to
lift the vacillator
vacillator often have a lot of
imaginations
or lots of rules and regulations of how
their liver should be
and when their liver did not meet the
standard
they will be very angry they will be
very sad
and it deemed that all those characters
that the spouse is
actually possessed are not loving them
enough so here’s a little tips for the
vacillator
try to find a realistic expectations
and learn how to space yourself so you
don’t end up
getting hurt by your own expectation
okay so here you go is the umbrella
style that i
always see in my life the above love
style
shows a different type of emotional
injury
a person might go through in their
childhood any house it affects the love
life
when they enter adulthood our childhood
experience have a huge impact
in how we receive and giving love in our
adulthood knowing your lifestyles
or your partner lifestyle can
potentially help you in
to better understanding how is your
tendency and inclination or how is your
partner
going through in your past regardless of
any kind of lifestyle that you are
having or your
lover are having right now we should
aspire to be a secure connector
secure connector is a very ideal kind of
lifestyle where
they are so comfortable in receiving and
giving love to others
so here you go my sharing today i hope
these sharings help you
a lot or your partners a lot or help you
to explain a lot of
problems when you come into relationship
so thank you for watching
see you next time
you