Its Never Too Late

i want to ask you

two questions how many of you have ever

given up on something you

really wanted

radiance okay how many of you have ever

asked the question

why did this happen to me

you know throughout my career in media

i’ve contributed to cnn and

i write for the hollywood reporter but

how did i get there

my degree is in psychology i didn’t

study media in college

you know i’ve interviewed everyone from

oprah tyler perry kevin hart

every entertainer you can name but

how did i get there

it’s been a lot of glitz and glam but 10

years ago

i was going through a divorce

i was crying pretty much every day

ten years ago looks a lot different than

2020 right now

i have my two children life was

happening at the time they were

3 and 13 and i was wondering what is the

next phase of my life going to look like

why did this happen to me i did

everything right

why did this happen to me

what i want to talk about today is it’s

never

too late because in 2010 i thought it

was too late

i had my my life already mapped out in

my head how

everything was gonna go but we all know

setbacks come and it’s either gonna make

us or break us

so i’m just here to tell you for anyone

that may be thinking

oh it’s too late that is not

we’re gonna talk about your dreams which

is the first one but we’re also going to

talk into some key areas that many

people

give up on so the first one is your

dreams it’s never

too late for your dreams

some of you may have a dream to go to

school

go back to school maybe it’s to get fit

maybe it’s to be an entrepreneur many of

those dreams

three of all three of those have been

dreams of mine

in the past and right now i can say

i was where i received my undergraduate

degree many years ago

but i decided you know what i’m tired of

saying what i always wanted to do

because it’s never too late so as of

right now i’m a newly enrolled graduate

student i’m so excited about that

but 10 years ago again i said it’s too

late i have too much to do

and if you’re still here if you can hear

my the words that are coming out of my

mouth and if you are watching this

you are 100

able to reach your dreams as well

the first key that in order to reach in

your dreams is you have to remember

your dreams maybe you’ve gotten a bad

medical report

maybe life is happening maybe a loved

one passed away

maybe you’re managing a household right

now and it’s completely taken over your

life and your to-do list of what you

wanted to do

sometimes our dreams can get buried

under

issues setbacks and sometimes even low

self-esteem

but i’m here to tell you you have to

remember i remember those days

crying on the bed i had a decision

i can either keep crying one more day or

i can pick up my dreams while i left

them

and move on i had to remember my dreams

i had to pick up all those google

searches that i

that i had done i was always interested

in media

not gossip was never my thing but more

so inspirational media

media that encouraged educated empowered

i want to have fun with it but i wanted

to be impactful at the same time so i

dug up all of those

all that information and said how do you

let me stop crying today let me stop

singing the woe is me song and remember

my dreams

here are three steps to reaching your

dreams if you think your dreams are

you know somewhere in the file cabinet

somewhere in the notes section of your

phone

oh that’s what i want to do one day the

first thing you want to do is research

i want you to think about it what is

that one of the one things you really

want to do that you gave up on

let’s do research this is this is the

information

age everything that we need to find out

is within our fingertips

it’s important to get mentors it’s

important to take courses

they don’t necessarily have to be at a

university setting per se

but find out who’s really doing what it

is you said that you wanted

to do it could be a complete total

career change

mine was but do your research

and as you find these these mentors make

sure you’ve done

every ounce of research there is

possible before you can even ask them a

question to so

to show that you’re really serious about

this the next thing you want to do is

plan

now you have all of this research you

have the statistics

you know how much things cost you know

how much time

it may take some may move faster than

you

it’s okay you may move faster than

others

but plan out your dreams maybe it may

take a series of years maybe it may take

a series of weeks

but it’s important to plan out the time

that it takes

plan out removing people that may be a

hindrance to those and we’ll get to that

in a second

but it’s important to plan those dreams

i had to

when i was researching how do you start

an online magazine

now granted this was before social media

before anything that made it cool

to have anything online digital

the first major event that i requested

credentials to cover was the bet hip-hop

awards in 2007.

i figured out my own website this was

before words

wordpress or squarespace or anything

that makes having a website easy right

now

i had to figure it out so i figured it

out at the time yahoo

yahoo yahoo had this great template

where i can build my site and i had it

up and it looked

it looks like i was an official magazine

and so i reached out to bet i filled out

my paperwork i didn’t think they were

going to tell me no i said hey

why not me so i submitted it and hit

this

hit the submit button was like oh my god

what are they going to say and lo and

behold i got the email that says

congratulations i’m like oh my gosh

okay now what do i do now what

because again i’m figuring this thing

out i’m moving in confidence

right i’m showing up to do the work

i really don’t know what i’m doing but

i’m going to keep keep moving and learn

as i go

it’s important to know you don’t have to

have everything figured out before you

make a step

and when i got there i see the red

carpet at the time

this is when terrence j and roxy was

doing 106 in park it’s a tv show

um and i was like oh my gosh i’m really

here

i’m standing next to all these major

media outlets

they surely seem to know what they were

doing and i had my little

point-and-shoot camera i said you know

what i do too

right so i’m ready to ask all my

questions

to the talent that walked down and i i

pulled it off

and that just showed me and i made

relationships with the publicists that

represented them and some of the talent

and from year and year and year they

keep inviting me back to things

why it wasn’t because i just knew how to

do everything

right it’s because i was professional

i moved in excellence i planned it out

and i showed up

that takes us to number three we have to

execute

we have to do what we researched and

plan to do

now execution is not thinking about this

is what i want to do

the work is the work showing up is the

work

execution won’t be easy but it’s an

important

step to get to those dreams that we want

the next thing i want to talk about is

love

now you may be saying kim how are you

going to make that quick switch from

dreams to love

but i’m here to tell you they go hand in

hand

because who you choose to love can make

or break your dreams

it’s important to choose someone

that’s supportive right it’s important

before you even choose someone that you

know what love is

so let’s take a look at it love is a

series

of choices to be patient

kind unselfish enduring

we have to be that person ourselves

first

that may take some work sometimes

because of what we may have experienced

in the past

but guess what it’s not impossible we

can do it

it’s never too late some of you may be

saying kim okay i have

my dream job already my career is is

popping

i just don’t want i just want somebody

to be at home when i get there

right i want you to know it’s never too

late i stand here before you

in faith believe in the same thing that

it’s never too late

i stand here before you believe in that

dream for myself

because i know it doesn’t matter the

pain

from past experiences i’ve had

encountered

because i know it exists and we can’t

let anyone

take us off of it it’s never too late

now this is what love is not as i

mentioned as you

aspire and take those steps to your

dreams

it’s important to keep you know healthy

people around us

whether that’s friendships or

those you choose to be in a relationship

with

and it’s important that i talk about

toxic relationship

because that’s the relationship that i

was in

that led to my divorce because while i

was married

i could not pursue what i’m doing right

now

i wouldn’t have been on cnn and every

major red carpet if i hadn’t

gotten myself into a position to where i

could click um think clearly

so a toxic relationship looks like this

these are just three things there’s many

there’s at least definitely

scientifically there’s seven but we’re

just gonna go over three today

there’s humiliation

meaning when something

happens it should be their time

to cover you but just think about is

this a person

that wants to capitalize on that

opportunity to humiliate you

and sometimes this is a joke but it’s

really not funny because it really does

eat at you a little bit by a little bit

the second one is guilt guilt is

is their weapon say you’re pursuing your

dreams

wow you said it’s never too late for

that dream

and you made a huge accomplishment you

made a huge stride and you want to come

home and

and share that information with your

loved one

and they hit you with yeah well but

remember you messed this

up last week and just crushes it

instead of celebrating the win you

finally had

that’s toxic and the third one

many people don’t know is called

financial abuse

now if you’ve never heard of financial

abuse that’s when

a person basically manipulates you and

pretty much holds

a tight strain to all the money or if

you have all the money

they put you in a position to where they

use it all

and leaves you with very very very

little to pursue your dreams

now i don’t want to stay on this too

long but i want you to understand the

importance

and beware of these three things that

may try to steal

any of the things that you’ve said it’s

too late for

the next thing is your past it’s never

too late to heal

from your past like i said i want to

take you back

10 years ago crying on my bed

wondering how could i have made it

better

run it over in my head day and day and

date what could have

done better what’s wrong with me why

can’t i get it right because

growing up i had a healthy home

my parents always told me what i could

do you’re a winner

you know go out there and go for your

dreams

but then when you get with the wrong

person again it could be the person

you’re in a relationship with or a

friendship

or a family member those are the type of

things we have to heal from from our

past

whether that’s going to see a mental

health counselor

or whatever the work is we have to do

the work

to receive the thing that we said is

never too late for

the first thing you want to do to move

on from the past is we have to let it go

does it hurt to let it go yes

because sometimes it’s like they got

away with it

if you let them go oh but no

they move on to do what it is they want

to do but it frees you

up to receive everything that you’ve

been working so hard for

someone told me this story um and i may

not be getting it right because i’m

going to paraphrase because i get

stories wrong sometimes

but there’s this story

this person is doing an experiment in

the jungle

and there’s these monkeys and

they end up getting their hands caught

in a trap

right and what they were supposed to do

is their hands are caught in the trap

and when they put the hands in there

their hands were stuck on some coconuts

right so think of

just some bracelets around your hands

and you get your hands stuck in there

what do you think you need to do in

order to get free you can either stay

there

and just moving around with your fists

balled up just like my fist is balled up

now

but how do you get free you let go

that’s all they had to do was open their

hands and let go

to move on to do what it is they wanted

to do

so it’s important to let go to heal

sometimes it’s easier to say

easier to do to say than to do just let

that go

that goes back to maybe you need to talk

to someone to figure out

how to let that go

and the next thing obviously it takes us

back to the beginning is to focus

is to focus on your goals and go after

it now i want to talk

talk about some people that said you

know what it’s never too late

the first person is ava duvernay an

amazing

writer director she’s written some

amazing work on netflix

and she started out as a publicist she

didn’t pick up her first

camera into her mid-30s

now she could have said you know what

it’s too late i’m just going to stay

over here and working with my clients

but she said no there’s some great

stories

that aren’t being told and i want to

tell them

so she made that huge pivot did her

research

and now she does amazing work with oprah

and so many other major

opportunities the next one we all know

is steve jobs

he was adopted he could have easily said

uh it’s too late for me my parents

didn’t want me why would anybody else

want me

but he didn’t let that stop him he moved

on

to create probably the phone that you’re

holding in your hand right now

and the third person is mr tyler perry

we all know the struggles that he went

through

growing up but he decided that it wasn’t

too late

so i want to leave you with this who

told you

that it was too late

was it someone from a toxic past

or was it your own self-doubt

that was triggered by something in the

past that you haven’t gotten over yet

i’m just here to tell you today

that it’s never too late thank you