You Dont Look Like A Scientist

what kind of box

do you live in i’m not talking about an

actual box

like a shoebox or a cardboard box i mean

when i say things like get out of the

box or

think outside of the box what does that

mean for you

for me growing up i wasn’t even aware

that boxes

existed all i knew was that i loved

science

and i pursued science probably

at the expense of the irritation of my

mother

i would go around the house mixing

things that did not belong together

like baby powder with nail polish with

sugar

just to see what would happen and

eventually

my sights turned towards the sky and i

decided that i wanted to become an

astronaut

and i was one of the fortunate kids to

earn a scholarship to attend

space camp and space camp was awesome i

learned so many things

i learned about all of the careers that

work together

to get somebody into space and to study

space they were physicists

geologists chemists anything you could

think of

and that was great to know because i

ultimately found out at space camp that

i was afraid of heights

which meant that my dreams of being an

astronaut

probably not a great career for me

but there were so many other careers to

explore

and i did my love for science grew

over the years and eventually i earned a

bachelor’s degree

and a master’s degree in biology and my

specialty

was in molecular biology which means

that i

study how molecules interact with each

other to generate life processes

and i loved science so much that i

wanted that to be my job title

and i made it so i actually graduated

with a master’s degree on a saturday and

started my career that very same monday

as a corporate cancer researcher and

i was going to do science that was going

to be my job title is going to get paid

to do what i love to do most

and i wore that with a badge of honor

i was so proud and i would come to work

every day

i’d do the science i’d go home with a

smile on my face

but over time i realized that

something was off something was

different

my experience as a corporate scientist

was much different than my experience

as a student scientist

i was lonely

i was incredibly lonely not

only was i just doing the science but i

was doing it alone

where other scientists were running

their experiments in the lab

having chit chat talking to each other

getting to know

their values beliefs what they do

outside of work

sometimes making plans with each other

outside of work developing friendships

and bonds

i was never a part of that i was being

left out

and i was alone and

i also noticed that i was

the only person who looked like me there

but nevertheless i continued to do the

science after all

i loved science but over time

it was wearing down on me eventually the

lab did hire somebody who did look like

they weren’t a scientist they were a

janitor but

still i was happy that they were there

and

that day i’ll never forget because my

co-worker turned to me and said

you should be happy that you’re not the

token black anymore

and that crushed my spirit

i couldn’t believe that she said that to

me and

one of my greatest fears was confirmed

and

that fear was that even though i was

coming to do the science

and i loved science and had spent my

whole life loving science

that even though i was coming to work

with this passion and joy

and what i did it wasn’t enough and that

other people

were still seeing me as different and

not equal

and that i was actually a token um

and so when she said that to me i cried

she left she wasn’t

aware that she had hurt me so deeply but

i went back to my desk

i cried silently wiping the tears from

my face

in pain and i had experienced that pain

for the months to come there would be

other occasions where

i would be treated differently than

everyone else and it would hurt me

and i had to make the decision to leave

and i’m really fortunate to have

multiple interests

in that not only do i enjoy doing the

science

but i love teaching the science and i

was lucky enough to obtain a position

teaching science at a community college

in my city and that was one of the most

rewarding experiences i’ve had

as a scientist and i think that it was

not only rewarding for me

but also for my students we loved

interacting with each other

and not only were we teaching each other

things but we were also engaging in some

really awesome teamwork

and we learned so much from each other

but let me tell you what happened on my

first day

on that job one of my co-workers decided

that

because i couldn’t find my mailbox in

the faculty mail room

that she was going to call the police on

and have me arrested and ultimately the

conversation between she and i went

like this she saw me entering the mail

room

physically blocked me from entering the

room because she didn’t think i belonged

there

once i got into the room i was looking

for my mailbox i wasn’t sure where it

was it was my first day of work

and she asked me for my photo

identification which i provided

it was my faculty identification that

had my photo

the school name the year my position and

the department

and even after all of that she still

decided that

the identification was fake and it

wasn’t mine

and i didn’t belong and ultimately she

told me that i didn’t look

like i belonged in the department

and that i could work there so she was

going to call the police and have me

arrested

and at this point

i was frustrated because i was noticing

a pattern

of me coming into the workspace whether

it be in the lab

or at a college where people are doing

science

teaching science and my co-worker is

telling me that i don’t belong

that i’m a token or that i don’t look

i should be there when i had the

qualifications

and i deserve to be there just like

everyone else

and so i took a period of reflection and

i looked at why was this happening to me

there has to be a reason for this

pattern

and during this time of reflection i

started a doctorate in science education

and i found out in my own research that

there are decades and decades and

decades

of researchers asking this question of

what do you believe a scientist looks

and what i found in other people’s

research is that

when they ask people to draw or describe

what they believe a scientist looks like

the most frequent was

the most frequent response is that a

scientist

is a white man

and i am not a white man

i am a black woman um

even in the media scientists researching

the media representation of scientists

find the same

perpetuation that scientists are white

men

and there’s nothing wrong with being a

white man

there’s nothing wrong with being a black

woman

but the issue becomes when these

messages are perpetuated from the media

into real life so much so

that when i enter a workspace where

people are doing science and teaching

science that people can’t connect the

dots and understand

that i do belong and that i am a

scientist

and we also know from research that the

media does

impact our real-life perceptions of the

world around us

so with that in mind i set out on a

journey to redefine

the image of a scientist and diversify

that image

and that is how big old geeks was born

periodically i can like an enzyme and we

cutting it up

proteins in the gel and we’re running

them up see i’m a chocolate girls in

reese’s

pieces i run this thing like

electrophoresis

so you might ask first of all how did i

get my three friends

to do something like that with me that’s

a different story but today

i’m gonna tell you that what you just

saw was

my rejection of any box i’ve ever sensed

that someone else has placed me in and

not only the boxes that other people

have placed me in

as a scientist but also boxes that i’ve

placed myself in

believe it or not making that was hard

for me

even though i wanted to represent myself

authentically this was one of the first

times that i had let go

and said you know what i don’t care what

anyone thinks

i should be doing how i should walk how

i should talk how i should talk about

science and do my science

i’m just gonna do it and that was hard

it was uncomfortable but i knew it

needed to be done

and i knew that other people needed to

see that

and so i put it on the internet

crossing my fingers hoping that it was

not going to be the end of my career

that the sky wasn’t going to fall and

crash on me

and instead that i would inspire people

around the world

to do their science as their

unapologetic selves

and not only did the video get hundreds

of views it got hundreds of thousands of

views

and it spread around the world

and i began receiving messages of

support messages

that really showed me that people needed

to see this

and so i centered my doctoral study

around the video and i wanted to study

the impact of the music video and

continue the research

that has been done for decades on the

representation of scientists in the

media

so i collected data from 50 black women

half of which are in stem careers

science technology engineering and

mathematics

and the other half who are in careers

that are not stem related

and what i found was in agreement with

what was found in previous research in

that 98 percent of my participants

also said that the most common

representation of a scientist in our

country is of a white man

but also that they don’t relate to these

images that when they see these images

of these scientists that they’re not

connecting with them

they don’t see it as them

on the other hand when i showed them my

music video

they did connect they did

feel like they could do science women

who had stem careers

felt like they had the strength to

continue on they felt represented they

felt included they felt seen

and honestly one of the most exciting

findings of my research was that

the women who did not have stem careers

said that they most likely would have

pursued a stem career if they had this

type of representation

the type of representation that they saw

in my music video

years before they began their own

careers

and this is all because i decided to

step out of my box

one day so i want to ask

you all what kind of boxes

do you live in what kind of boxes are

you perpetuating

with your thoughts with your actions the

way you walk talk dress

the way you speak is it really who you

are

is it what you think other people want

you to be

are you being your unapologetic self

maybe you don’t do what i do i’m not

asking you to make a rap music video

professing to the world that you love

science but

maybe it’s a little thing every day

maybe it’s speaking up for yourself in a

time where in the past maybe you

wouldn’t have because

you were afraid that someone would

perceive you as a stereotype

or as something that wasn’t you

maybe you should say that one thing that

makes somebody just a little bit

uncomfortable

which is the truth maybe

it just means that you take that red

dress out of the back of your closet

the one that’s work appropriate and wear

fearlessly unapologetically because you

bought that dress

because you liked it it’s the little

things

that count i challenge you to get out of

your box

every day and if you’re like me

you’re going to tell the world that

you’re a big old geek too