Im gonna need a bigger purse Kathryn Childers

[Music]

50 years ago

in 1971 i was one of the first five

female agents hired by the united states

secret service

history books said we shot holes in the

glass ceiling

when there were a few opportunities for

women in fact there was no glass in that

ceiling

in those days women were expected to

become wives or mothers if they wanted a

career

nurses teachers or secretaries that

about covered

but here i was chosen to be one of the

first female

federal agents in the secret service

daunting first i had to prove i was

worthy of trust and confidence and pass

a top

secret security clearance then they

trained us in jiu jitsu

hand-to-hand combat investigations and

of course

firearms clearly i knew it was going to

be a challenge to convince the man of

the secret service and the world as far

as that’s concerned that women could do

this

we had to try harder be better

jump higher and yep shoot straighter

even if it scared us to death

we were the first no one was quite ready

to be

they really didn’t know what to expect

when we were sworn in the reporters

didn’t write that

five of us were competent intelligent

strong women who entered the secret

service for the first time in 106 year

history

instead they wrote about our hair color

our height

and our smart figures so there i was

24 years old wearing stylish boots

carrying a chic handbag wearing a

matching suede vest

ready to make history well after being

sworn in then

ceremoniously gave me a heavy cardboard

box with my gun

my commission book my bullets and a

shiny set of handcuffs

oh boy i thought i’m gonna need a bigger

purse then i noticed an envelope

peeking out from underneath the 357

magnum service revolver

with an american express card in my name

i was thrilled in those days women

didn’t get credit the only way you could

get a credit card was

in your father’s name or your husband or

even your little brother

if they signed on the bottom line so i

slipped that card in my wallet

put it in my big new person went on to

make history

i could tell you some really great

stories about how i protected the

president

of the united states the kennedy

children or worked buying

counterfeit money on the bad bad streets

of new york and la

but that’s not what i’m going to talk to

you about today

i’m going to talk to you about love my

40-year love story with a man that in

the end

hardly knew my name you know dating when

you’re a secret service agent was

tough once i went out with a pompous guy

who was

teasing me about being an asian the fact

that i had a set of handcuffs in my

purse

finally i’d had enough whipped those

stainless steel babies out and cuffed

him to the chair

it was funny until i realized i didn’t

have the key

well driving back to my apartment to get

it it occurred to me that the service

was not just a job

it was going to be a way of life it was

clear

i was not going to land a husband with

all that stuff

in my purse then i met a great guy who

didn’t really seem to mind he was crazy

about me and i was crazy about him

one day he proposed to me get this over

the phone

while i’m training on the range with my

uzi submachine gun

kate katie said i’ve got the ring will

you marry me

it’s not a good time i whispered well

eventually i did say yes

it was a tough decision i really loved

the job

and the life but i just couldn’t have it

all

so i returned all that stuff in my purse

to the secret service property room

my purse was really pretty empty at that

point but i married cecil childers

that big old purse of mine was empty

like i said

but i pulled the worn leather strap over

my shoulder

and moved to south texas where i loaded

it up again with the standard issue

a wife and eventually a mother would

carry

it was a big change cecil was a tall

handsome texan and he adored me like i

said and i adored him

he was a psychiatrist and i he loved his

patients

he was board certified in adult

geriatric psychiatry and

psychopharmacology

but it was his heart and his sense of

humor

that really set him apart in the midst

of

assessing their mental situation their

serious mental illness

cecil would lean in and say you know

what

life is just too important to take too

seriously

all right so you know why we’re not all

here because we’re not all there

breaking the ice so to speak his

patients

loved him ironically cecil would be

diagnosed with alzheimer’s

who would have thought and i would

become his bodyguard

my new role as his caregiver in many

ways

mirrored what i had been doing in my

assignments in the secret service

to keep the person i was to protect

alive

and safe that was the most important but

when it came to the kennedy children

john and caroline there were some

unofficial parts of the job to keep them

a little happy

best you could entertain and keep them

from embarrassing themselves or their

famous mother

jacqueline kennedy on nasa’s and i did

it

on occasion i became known as the pistol

pack and nanny but that’s okay it was a

great assignment

let me give you an example at the last

minute mrs onassis decided to

take the children to the opening and

decided not to rather she was going to

go to the

opening of the kennedy center in

washington and she decided not to take

them unofficially i was tasked with

keeping the kids in a gaggle of kennedy

cousins

entertained at the compound in

hyannisport how about we go to the

drive-in i proposed and organized a

popcorn popping adventure to see kelly’s

heroes

of course they wanted to sneak in like

real kids

so amidst all the giggling in the back i

told him to duck down and

get behind the seats at the ticket booth

i asked for

two tickets but held up seven fingers

although i only made 7 500 a year as a

special agent

i had enough money to make in my purse

to pay for those tickets

i really don’t remember much about the

movie but i was so glad the kids had fun

and relieved we didn’t break the law or

get caught

creating some fun in cece’s life and

entertaining him

was not unlike that with my new

assignment

when he quit practicing he didn’t have

much to do no hobbies no

interest nothing outside of end of

medicine so

i kind of looked back at those secret

service years and became

aware of the fact that i’ve been pretty

good at planning events and travel

even for the president united states we

had an old airstream trailer so i loaded

him up and our cocker spaniel ellie

on board and toured much most of the

united states

both coasts most of the west the grand

canyon and the bayous of louisiana

we even hit the lewis and clark trail

from montana all the way out to oregon

over several years i pulled it over 30

000

miles and became skilled at backing up

the darn thing

most women in the group really were

afraid to do it they

didn’t think they could they were simply

too scared

to try that is they never drove

but for an old agent like me it was just

part of the job

it was the trip of the lifetime even if

he didn’t remember much of it

when i was protecting the kennedy kids

the paparazzi were always looking for a

sellable photo of the president’s

daughter

especially if it put her in a

compromising situation

caroline was just a teenager and really

didn’t care but her mother might

it was my job to make sure they didn’t

get that shot

for example she joined some other kids

waiting in an off limit

fountain in austria one time i was with

her and i kept that picture off the

front page of course i did i was good at

my job

cecil had no trouble embarrassing me

i was an easy target as the alzheimer’s

progressed

oh he became more childlike and loved to

tell

stupid potty mouth jokes i didn’t like

it

and he knew it despite the alzheimer’s

i’d complain he’d say i’ll never do it

again of course he did

and he did i should have just given it

up and just let it go

even with alzheimer’s he made sure i

didn’t take myself

too seriously

finally another piece of advice keeping

your protectee alive was my

most important job as a special agent in

the secret service

in my new role protecting cecil it just

wasn’t possible

there was no cure all i could do and all

you can do

is provide support and give him a

relatively

comfortable safe and happy life and

do the best you can to keep yours intact

with that said here are some nuggets of

advice for you to keep in your pocket or

at the bottom of your purse

they’re not clinical just observations

that i collected during my journey

and i hope they’ll be of help to you

number one

keep a sense of humor absolutely

imperative in the service i learned that

a sense of humor was an

absolute must i’ll give you an example

one day i was assigned as a partner to a

man

who wasn’t really excited about my being

his partner

the men weren’t thrilled to have us on

the job i will say that’s another story

during one arrest my partner this big

guy who could have been playing for the

dab of dallas cowboys said

you’re so tough you break down the door

i smiled and said you’re so tough

you break down the door and i’ll shoot

them i’m a lot better shot than you are

we both laughed we knocked they opened

the door

and we became good friends very good

friends even in the midst of being a

caregiver the most difficult job you’ll

ever have

you need to take a deep breath and laugh

as we drove across the country in our

chevrolet remember that ad about seeing

the world in your chevrolet

actually ours was a ford 250 super duty

diesel

cecil loved to count trucks out loud

mile after mile after mile i didn’t say

anything at first but finally it was

driving me

crazy i said why do you do this

and his answer was short because i can

he said sadly so i finally

understood and made a game of it i gave

him a pad of paper

and a pencil and asked him to record his

numbers silently

which he agreed to do and when we hit 50

we’d go to dairy queen and i’ll be

honest i liked going there too

so do yourself a favor laugh at the

jokes

make a game out of the trucks in your

life

you would not believe how many white

pickup trucks cruise the american

highways

number two put your person in the

schedule i’ll admit it i got

angry as his disease weren’t worsened in

my life was taken away

bit by bit i had a busy life but i wish

i’d made his schedule as

important as mine he didn’t have much to

do

so he demanded i’m saying demanded i

take him on a golf cart ride

every afternoon at exactly five o’clock

i didn’t take it very seriously thinking

we could do that anytime

i would ask myself did it really make a

difference what time we went

yes it really did it made the world of

difference to him

and i wish i’d paid more attention to

that number three lower your

expectations

cecil had been a brilliant man and now

watch

mindless tv i would suggest

pbs or nova something that was

educational or entertaining

but i had to lower my expectations to

what

i thought he should be watching and

spending during his time

it really didn’t make any difference

he loved the movie three amigos i’d sing

in the song but i’m not going to

he watched it over and over again he

didn’t like

change i heard that i’ve heard that’s

really true of many alzheimer’s patients

i had to accept a routine and boredom

in our lives i thought it was my job to

make him better when making him happier

would have been a far better call

and being a good agent i was prepared i

planned ahead and had dvds stashed

everywhere

yes even in my purse well in the movie

the three amigos saved the day it was

silly

fun and cecil loved the pretty ladies

that was okay number four it’s better to

be kind than right

with the advice i’ve shared with you

today i hope there’s one thing you will

not forget and simply this

it’s better to be kind rather than

always trying to be

right in the secret service i really

didn’t have that option

kindness wasn’t on the table split sex

and decisions

had life and death consequences but

caring for a loved one is different you

do

have a choice with cecil there were so

many times i tried to fix him

downplaying the simple things that were

important to him it just

didn’t work when i gave up the fixing

and just went along for the ride i saw

it in his piercing blue eyes

it meant the world to him when i took

the time to make a game of counting

trucks or

sit with him not just watch but sit with

him and watch the three amigos

for the umpteenth time being kind was

far better

i did my best but lost cecil on july the

4th 2018

and i’m now on a solo assignment

i used to be the sherpa carrying

everyone else’s stuff to the top of the

mountain

there’s not much in my purse these days

i call it a covered clutch

filled with hand sanitizer a mask in my

phone

and of course that old american express

card that says i was a member since 1971

i wouldn’t give that

in one of the most challenging times of

our lives i’ve chosen to reinvent myself

you can too

i’ve started a new company i finished a

book i planted a garden got healthy and

lost

50 pounds even at a distance i’ve been

able to keep friends close

this time i didn’t need a bigger purse

it took a backpack

these days it’s almost impossible to

agree who

or what is right or how to fix it

so how about we just stick with kind

thank you