Lets Talk Sex

[Music]

it is difficult to talk to children

about sex

right but let’s all admit it

for many of us it is actually difficult

to talk about sex with

anyone let alone children

but this inability to allow ourselves to

be uncomfortable for a moment or two

can potentially create lasting

real world effects for our children

i’d like to invite you to imagine these

scenarios

with me i’ve changed the names of people

involved

to protect their identities

hi karl he was at his grandmother’s

house

during raya this is an aid

celebration and all the children

were uh gathering around uncle joe

taking turns bouncing on uncle joe’s

knees

it was high constant so high cal sat on

his uncle joe’s lap and

uncle joe moved his knees up and down up

and down up and down faster

him and his cousins were all laughing

along with uncle joe

going faster haikal realizes that

both of uncle joe’s hands were

on hika’s bum maybe

haika thought to prevent me from falling

because

we were moving really fast

but high call feels uncomfortable

everyone’s laughing so happy

and haikal trusts his uncle joe

should i tell my mom she’s right there

mary she is 14 she has been making out

with her cute

boyfriend who is 15 years old and his

name is jason

she didn’t really know what they were

doing exactly

but it sure felt good nice

and one pleasure led to another

now she finds out that she is pregnant

what will my mom say

lina she’s 13 she has an instagram

account

she often posts selfies like any girl

her age

and her school friends always like them

she feels cute she feels extra cute

ever since a boy from another school

been sliding into her dms

he told her he is 14 so that’s okay

they’re about the same age they

exchanged flirty messages

he makes her feel really good about

herself

she trusted him with

um some pictures of her

not wearing any clothes because he said

he loves them in return

he gives her dick pics

they trust each other and trust is

important in a relationship

turns out he is 20 years older than 14

married with two children he wants to

meet

lina felt unsafe

but what about all those pictures

a 16 year old girl she was given alcohol

and drugs at the end of a fun date

she’s popular in school and she has so

many admirers and she

doesn’t go out with any guys who doesn’t

pay for my dinner and drinks

naturally she gets a guy who pays for

everything

but she didn’t realize that it was his

way of manipulating the situation

into getting laid um

he’s not a terrible kisser but she just

doesn’t feel like doing anything more

how do i get out of this why am i wet if

i don’t want this

will i be safe i’m kind of high

underaged pregnancies child sexual abuse

sti amongst children unsafe abortions

gender-based violence dating violence

forced

intercourse bullying psychological

abuse that leads to poor emotional

and mental health and potentially death

from hpv and hiv-related complications

lasting real-world effects for our

children

have you heard this proverb prevention

is better than cure

i think it’s fair to assume that most

people have heard of it

i first realized the extent of the

issues surrounding

children’s sexuality education here in

malaysia when i was a student in

university malaya

i was volunteering as a an enumerator

my given task was to interview some 50

families about their health status to

collect

information on diseases among urban

communities

gathering information for medical

doctors and researchers

from that experience i realized that

children

in urban housing are extremely

vulnerable

to predators and abusers because

they were often left alone and

unsupervised

for long periods of time often because

their parents have no choice

they have to work long hours to put food

on the table

here i discovered a lack of awareness of

how dangerous the family’s outlook on

the topic of sex and sexuality was

this outlook has unfortunately helped to

perpetuate the practice of child

marriage

as a legitimate solution to sexual

impropriety

it has also perpetuated the practices of

baby dumping and infanticide practices

that bear unspeakable personal costs

i feel so sad and so angry every time

i read about it in the news you know

when people talk about babies who are

planned

intended and wanted generally

they’ll be happy they’ll be content

yet i was seeing families turn apart

young people distraught it was just so

upsetting

i’ve i’ve had enough of um baby dumping

cases i’ve had enough of infanticide

cases happening in my country

and i definitely have had enough of

young mothers

girls being demonized blamed

and punished while their partners are

spared

this kind of judgment i came to realize

that there was a direct correlation

between what we were seeing

in our communities and what we were not

teaching our children baby dumping

is the direct result of lack of

sexuality education

not social problems and certainly not

because of a female child’s

behavioral issue

in malaysia one in three young people

said that their first sexual experience

was before the age of 14. that’s very

young

one in three young people actually

believe

that they will not get pregnant from

having sex

just one time one in five actually

believe that they can get sti through a

mosquito bite

14 out of every 1 000 girls in malaysia

fall pregnant every year 45 teenage

girls give

birth every day in malaysia rapists

often avoid prosecution by marrying

their victims

statistics suggests that at least a

hundred thousand women

have been raped by their intimate

partner

during their lifetime marital rape

is not considered a crime in our country

for those who don’t know

malaysia is one of the 28 countries who

still have marital rape

exemption laws

so what can we do what can we do

to prevent all these tragedies

we engage our children in comprehensive

sexuality education

comprehensive sexuality education is a

lifelong conversation

which starts with simple concepts and

builds over time as the individual’s

capacity to understand increases

it begins with laying the foundations

with young children

by teaching them about bodily autonomy

saying no to things that makes them feel

uncomfortable

and how to differentiate safe touches

and unsafe touches what’s healthy

behavior

and what is toxic for them that when a

little girl

or a little boy bullies you pushes you

pulls your hair it doesn’t mean that

they fancy you

when someone treats you unkindly it does

not equate

to love or care that it is

never okay for someone to pressure for

anyone to pressure them

to show their bodies if they don’t want

to

and that the only people who get to tell

them what to do with their body

for health and safety reasons is

you any caregivers you name

and also a doctor at the doctor’s office

when you

are present with them

talk about boundaries talk about

personal safety

make sure that they know that their body

is theirs and theirs alone and no one

else’s

create that degree of openness and

respect

for conversations about their bodies

i founded spot to provide comprehensive

sexuality education

to help parents and teachers initiate

respectful conversations around topics

of

sex and sexuality in order to help

prevent

child sexual abuse reduce unsafe sex

practices amongst children

and help prevent child marriages to do

this

as volunteers we go into schools and we

talk to students from the age of nine

we talk to them about the definition of

sex what safe sex is

pregnancy contraception scis we also

talk about sexual behaviors

focusing on bodily integrity

responsibilities

boundaries consent and their rights

and laws around consent and sex

this is also aligned with the united

nations sustainable development goals

three four and five

which are good health and well-being

quality education and gender equality

directly since we started in 2015

our cse modules have been delivered to

more than 10 000 girls

in 79 schools across six states

talking about sex in a comprehensive

manner has many positive effects

including delayed initiation of sexual

intercourse

reduced risk taking behaviors and

increased use of condoms

and other forms of contraception

we can’t always protect our children

from the internet

we can’t always protect them when

they’re not with us

and in high cult’s case even when they

are

in our sight therefore

the only way we can protect them and

truly preserve their innocence

is by informing them by empowering them

with knowledge this is how we create

meaningful change

we’re all born as sensual creatures

we need to educate our children before

it turns sexual

adolescence is a great time to build

healthy habits

and lifestyle relating to sex because

it’s a period of ongoing physical

emotional and social change

addressing sexual development and

puberty

at the age of 10 and 11 helps

adolescents to explore

their own sexuality safely and develop

strong

healthy relationships outside family

this is what spot aims to achieve

it is difficult to talk to children

about sex

and yet we know that it is so important

and we know that we must do it

we need to educate ourselves on how to

talk about sex in a positive light

with love with kindness with compassion

we need to remove the shame remove the

stigma

around talking about it as our

children’s futures

depend on it thank you