Asexuals need media representation

[Music]

this

is what asexual looks like is that what

you had in mind

if not ask yourself what did you have in

mind

i’ve been told repeatedly that i can’t

possibly be asexual because of how i

look and come across

i’ve been told that i don’t fit the

preconceived ideas about how an asexual

person is supposed to be

that made me think a lot about where

these ideas come from and what i could

do to change them as an activist

it’s probably worth mentioning that

asexuality means experiencing little to

no sexual attraction depending on where

you fall on the spectrum

it’s not to be confused with never

experiencing romantic attraction

having no libido not being able to

experience sexual arousal or being

celibate

the fact that i constantly have to

explain what asexuality is

even to an educated tedx audience in

2021

is a testament to what i’m going to be

talking about there is a

serious lack of asexual representation

in mainstream culture

and has impacted me my entire life

i grew up never seeing myself

represented

even now at a time where it feels like

sexuality is everywhere

and our perspectives of sexuality are

increasingly diverse

asexuality is still left out of the

conversation i can count the number of

times a mainstream character

actually says they’re asexual on one

hand

maybe half of one hand and if we’re

talking about black characters then

nothing guaranteed if you ask any

asexual person who their favorite

asexual character is

then they’re going to say todd from the

now cancelled bojack horseman

because he’s kind of all we’ve got even

in netflix’s sex education

a multi-season show literally based

around representing different

sexualities

the asexual character got a whole

four minutes of screen time and you know

that every asexual person has been said

in that clip

note that i said clip not episode most

of the time

asexuality is just a fleeting reference

the butt of a joke or a negative trait

in a character that’s either

evil robotic alien or just infantile and

strange

a lack of sexual attraction is often

treated as a manifestation of a lack of

empathy

think your lord voldemort your sheldon

cooper

your data from star trek it’s something

that might be fixed when the character

becomes

more likable or more human especially

for women

is seen as being a symptom of their

prudishness

unattractiveness or uptight personality

which needs to be resolved by the end of

the plot so they can experience the

richness of life

as complete appealing lovable people

even our non-fiction portrayals are

tainted with a perpetual woe is them

narrative

where we’re treated as these unusual

newly discovered creatures

struggling to function in today’s world

it’s something i’ve experienced first

hand working in the media they don’t

want to see you too happy

or too empowered they’d rather see you

broken

that is if they want to see you at all

when you consider our invisibility

in any other aspect of nation culture

whether it be

social policy or sex education and the

way we’ve been medicalized and

pathologized the way

many other identities have been it’s no

wonder that people don’t really know

what asexuality is

some might say that invisibility isn’t

much for a problem

but at this point in time it’s more than

that what the asexual community

experiences

is more akin to symbolic annihilation

it’s a term coined by george grebner in

the 1970s

to describe an absence of representation

under representation or

misrepresentation in the media

it’s a way of maintaining social

inequality and bringing the legitimacy

of an identity into question

it’s a form of subtle violence that is

often used against sexual minorities and

has been suffocating the asexual

community since long before my time

just because the asexual community isn’t

acknowledged enough to be hated on such

a blatant scale as some other identities

that doesn’t mean that discrimination

and prejudice towards us doesn’t exist

a lot of that is influenced by media

representation and the rigid way that

sexuality is framed

as being the ultimate component of

emotional fulfillment

health intimacy and personal liberation

the narratives perpetuated by the media

feed into the way asexual people are

treated in real life

many are quick to assume that you’re

somehow mistaken about your own identity

and that they know more about it than

you do you just haven’t found the right

person yet

you have a mental or physical disorder

you’re just

a cold-hearted psychopath you think

you’re too good for anybody

or just anti-sex or celibate you’re

using it as a cover for some kind of

hidden perversion

these are things that asexual people

hear unfortunately often

it doesn’t matter that there are asexual

people who have actually found their

soulmate

it doesn’t matter that love can manifest

in ways that aren’t sexual while still

being equally valid

it doesn’t matter that there’s no

evidence to suggest that asexual people

have any kind of hormone deficiency

or that the prevalence of anxiety and

depression in our community

is probably more down to our alienation

than our sexual orientation

it doesn’t matter that our community has

diverse feelings towards sexuality

and varying degrees of participation in

sexuality

or that we’re just normal people because

you don’t see us

and the way we’re taught to understand

sexuality and intimacy

is narrow exclusionary and outdated

there is no one way to be asexual

there is no asexual look asexuality

looks like me

and you and your mom and your dad and

your grandparent

and your kid and your teacher and your

best friend and your lover

it could look like anyone because we

could be

anyone asexuality has been called the

invisible orientation

but we’re done being invisible can you

see me now

you