Sex needs a new metaphor. Heres one ... Al Vernacchio
I’d like to talk to you today about a
whole new way to think about sexual
activity and sexuality education by
comparison if you talk to someone today
in America about sexual activity you’ll
find pretty soon you’re not just talking
about sexual activity you’re also
talking about baseball because baseball
is the dominant cultural metaphor that
Americans use to think about and talk
about sexual activity and we know that
because there’s all this language in
English that seems to be talking about
baseball but that’s really talking about
sexual activity so for example it could
be a pitcher or a catcher and that
corresponds to whether you perform a
sexual act or receive a sexual act first
are the bases which refer to specific
sexual activities that happen in a very
specific order ultimately resulting in a
scoring run or hitting a home run which
is usually having vaginal intercourse to
the point of orgasm at least for the guy
you can strike out which means you don’t
get to have any sexual activity and if
you’re a benchwarmer you might be a
virgin or somebody for whom whatever
reason isn’t in the game maybe because
of your age or because of your ability
or because of your skill set a bats of
penis and an nappy dugout is a vulva or
a vagina a glove or a catcher’s mitt is
a condom a switch-hitter is a bisexual
person and we gay and lesbian folks play
for the other team and then there’s this
one if there’s grass on the field play
ball and that usually refers to if a
young person specifically often a young
woman is old enough to have pubic hair
she’s old enough to have sex with this
baseball model is incredibly problematic
it’s sexist it’s heterosexist its
competitive its goal-directed and it
can’t result in healthy sexuality
developing in young people or in adults
so we need a new model I’m here today to
offer you that new model and it’s based
on pizza
now Pizza is something that is
universally understood and that most
people associate with a positive
experience so let’s do this let’s take
baseball and pizza and compare it when
talking about three aspects of sexual
activity the trigger for sexual activity
what happens during sexual activity and
the expected outcome of sexual activity
so when do you play baseball you play
baseball when it’s baseball season and
when there’s a game on the schedule it’s
not exactly your choice so if it’s prom
night or a wedding night or at a party
or if our parents are in a home hey it’s
just batter up can you imagine saying to
your coach oh not really feeling it
today think I’ll sit this game out
that’s just not the way it happens and
when you get together to play baseball
immediately you’re with two opposing
teams one playing offense one playing
defense somebody’s trying to move deeper
into the field that’s usually assigned
to the boys somebody’s trying to defend
people moving into the field that’s
often given to the girl it’s competitive
we’re not playing with each other we’re
playing against each other and when you
show up to play baseball
nobody needs to talk about what we’re
gonna do or how this baseball game might
be good for us everybody knows the rules
you just take your position and play the
game but when do you have pizza well you
have pizza when you’re hungry for pizza
it starts with an internal sense an
internal desire or a need huh I could go
for some pizza
and because it’s an internal desire we
actually have some sense of control over
that I can decide that I’m hungry but
know that it’s not a great time to eat
and then when we get together with
someone for pizza we’re not competing
with them we’re looking for an
experience that both of us will share
that that’s satisfying for both of us
and when you get together for pizza with
somebody what’s the first thing you do
you talk about it you talk about what
you want you talk about what you like
you may even negotiate how do you feel
about pepperoni not so much I’m kind of
a mushroom guy myself well maybe we can
go half and half and even if you’ve had
pizza with somebody for a very long time
don’t you still say things like should
we get the usual or maybe something a
little more adventurous okay so when
you’re playing baseball so if we talk
about during sexual activity when you’re
playing baseball you’re just supposed to
round the bases in the proper order one
at a time you can’t hit the ball and run
to right field that doesn’t work and you
also can’t get to second base and say I
like it here I’m gonna stay here no and
also of course with baseball there’s
like the specific equipment and a
specific skill set not everybody can
play baseball it’s pretty exclusive okay
but what about pizza when we’re trying
to figure out what’s good for pizza
isn’t it all about what’s our pleasure
there are a million different kinds of
pizza there’s a million different
toppings there’s a million different
ways to eat pizza and none of them are
wrong they’re different and in this case
difference is good because that’s gonna
increase the chance that we’re having a
satisfying experience and lastly what’s
the expected outcome of baseball well in
baseball you play to win you score as
many runs as you can there’s always a
winner in baseball and that means
there’s always a loser in baseball but
what about pizza well in pizza we’re not
really there’s no winning how do you win
pizza you don’t
but you do look for are we satisfied and
sometimes that can be different amounts
over different times or with different
people or in different days and we get
to decide when we feel satisfied if
we’re still hungry we might have some
more if you eat too much though you just
feel gross so what if we could take this
Pizza model and overlay it on top of
sexuality education a lot of sexuality
education that happens today is so
influenced by the baseball model and it
sets up education that can’t help but
produce unhealthy sexuality in young
people and those young people become
older people but if we could create
sexuality education that was more like
pizza we could create education that
invites people to think about their own
desires to make deliberate decisions
about what they want to talk about it
with their partners and to ultimately
look for not some external outcome but
for what feels satisfying and we get to
decide that you may have noticed in the
baseball and pizza comparison under the
baseball it’s all commands they’re all
exclamation points but I’m just a pizza
model they’re questions and who gets to
answer those questions you do I do
so remember when we’re thinking about
sexuality education and sexual activity
baseball you’re out Pizza is the way to
think about healthy satisfying sexual
activity and good comprehensive
sexuality education thank you very much
for your time