The Power Of Disillusionment

when i realized

santa didn’t exist i thought i was the

only person

who knew so at seven years old

i decided to save christmas by

playing santa for my family that year

christmas eve arrives and

i run into my parents also

playing santa

yeah that was an awkward conversation

but my parents eventually share

how learning about santa’s fictionality

was also disappointing for them growing

up

they told me they were just as

disillusioned

as i was but knowing this

truth empowered them to preserve the

magic

for me the next generation

now i find that really interesting and

not just

because it made me never fully trust my

parents

again i’m just kidding

no i found it interesting because

it implied that disillusionment

which is the disappointment upon

realizing

something isn’t as good or as magical

as you thought it to be that

disillusionment

is the key to continuity

think about it no child gets

a santa unless their parents understand

that father christmas is really

just that your father

on christmas

and so in the emotional toolkit needed

to affect

change disillusionment is a necessary

feeling

most of you here today are like me

you’re young and finding your way in the

world

a world brimming with opportunities to

fast-track your dreams

but the truth is we’re entering

a world of santa clauses

and that means at every twist and turn

we’ll come to see things for what they

are

rather than what we hoped or assumed

they would be

and it doesn’t get easier each time

but here’s the cool part

that’s not a bad thing

disillusionment is a powerful feeling

that can be used for good especially

in the context of sustainable change

making

let me illustrate

last year i started interning with the

all women’s action society

awa a malaysian women’s rights ngo

founded in 1985 with the purpose of

addressing

gender-based violence

now awam is one of the key ngos in

malaysia’s 30-year-long fight

for a stand-alone sexual harassment film

back in october 2020 i saw awam’s online

petition

to table the sexual harassment bill

and honestly it was only then

that i learned malaysia has no specific

laws

comprehensively protecting everyone from

every type

of sexual harassment

and that the few we do have are severely

limited

in fact let’s imagine for a moment that

you want to make a report let’s say

you’ve been sexually harassed and you

want legal recourse

well for starters the only place you

will find a legal definition

of sexual harassment is under the

employment act

so let’s play it out from there

if you’re not a full employee

maybe you’re a student or an intern

you’re not covered

if you were harassed in a public space

like a bus a shop

or even the street outside of your

office

you’re not covered

in fact what do you have in front of you

right now

your phone your laptop the online world

if you were sexually harassed right now

on this medium you

wouldn’t be covered

but for argument’s sake let’s just say

you can use the employment act

well that’s great now do you have

physical evidence or witnesses

because the burden of proof is beyond

a reasonable doubt

beyond a reasonable doubt that is an

incredibly

tall order given the nature of sexual

harassment

and the fear factor involved in speaking

up as a witness

and yet these are the barriers

faced by survivors of sexual harassment

right here in malaysia

which also means these are the barriers

faced by

over one in three women

and one in six men

as a matter of fact everything i just

outlined

came from actual experiences of real

people

who turned to awam after they’ve been

failed

by our current laws

and so in real time i saw awam and other

ngos push for a bill that could address

all of this and i knew

i needed to help

so what followed was a three-month

journey

of ups and downs

in october we started the social media

campaign

for the bill and hashtag rocky up for

the bill

and it was thrilling we managed to

galvanize

everyday malaysians to take a stand

be it signing our online petition

sharing information

donating and writing to their mps

we got the rakiyat that is the people of

malaysia

involved in ways they didn’t even know

they could be

and that’s not all in the span of a

single month

aomon received over 100 calls just from

supporters

asking how they could help ensure the

bill gets

passed

but then in mid-november

we learned that the bill would not be

tabled

the draft just wasn’t ready

now instead of waiting another year awam

chooses

to pivot awam

pivots with a paper petition

which is a first in legislative history

to at least invoke discussion on sexual

harassment

among our elected representatives

taking the support of over 500

paper petition signatures we then

counted of victory

in december when yb castaripato

stood to read our paper petition in

malaysian parliament

in an act of amazing bipartisan support

why be ahmad

provided the necessary seconding to

allow our cause

a spotlight

it was incredible to create history and

push

this year’s long fight a step forward

but really the wow moment for me

was seeing that ever crucial pivot

after november

getting knocked down only to rise back

up and do something no one had seen

before

so let’s dig deeper into how awong

did that

you see when the bill failed to be

tabled in november

the person on the team feeling most

defeated

and dejected was me

the young intern who joined about a

month ago

because it was a huge santa claus

moment only

in place of santa’s red coat was

bureaucratic red

tape carefully concealing

a disappointing lackluster reality

and yet while i was feeling so defeated

i looked around me and saw something

entirely

different the aom staff and other allies

approached november as a disappointment

but not a deterrent from fighting back

harder and better

i had to realize that if things were as

simple as i naively thought

we wouldn’t still be here fighting the

same

fight for 30 years

and so by understanding the realities

of what they were up against awan was

able to turn a setback

in november into an opportunity

because we ended up setting the fight

for a sexual harassment bill

on a more sustainable trajectory

rallying more public support than ever

before

and putting us in the books as the first

ever paper petition brought to malaysian

parliament

now that is the power

of applying disillusionment in the grand

scheme

of change-making

so when things don’t go the way you

expect

allow yourself that moment of clarifying

disillusionment because

you can and really should feel

disillusioned

just don’t relinquish hope because of it

in 2020 while fighting for the sexual

harassment bill

awam’s telenita helpline received 802

cases that is

802 cases ranging from sexual harassment

and domestic violence

to mental health and financial hardship

in december the very month we took the

paper petition

to parliament we were also racing

against nearly a case a day

of sexual harassment

and at first glance that may look like

persevering against

disillusionment

but actually knowing the dire reality

of what was at stake fueled our

resilience

it’s not lost on aom how significant it

was

that even in the time of a pandemic

supporters came in and out of our office

thanking us for fighting so they

might live without the fear

of being sexually harassed and having no

real laws

to protect them

knowing how deeply unfair it is

for people to go about their everyday

lives

in that fear kept us going

again there is power in applying

disillusionment

and so if there is one thing that i want

you to take away

it is this

inherent in the very definition

of disillusionment is the eye-opening

realization that something isn’t as good

as you believed it to be

now that is an uncomfortable feeling

no one enjoys finding out santa’s not

real but

we shouldn’t be afraid of it

disillusionment is not an enemy

we have to overcome it is a tool

that empowers us to inspire change

that will last

because discovering something you

thought was working

is actually broken that

is an invitation to fix it

and that ladies and gentlemen

is the power of disillusionment

thank you very much