How to get past disconnection to social change

how do you begin

to understand and unravel the complex

issues

in the urgently required social changes

of our times

how do you respond to your black friend

what difference will your words

and actions make in the grand scheme

of things everything

your words and your actions mean

everything in social change

but thinking about these questions can

render us

powerless when it comes to complex

social change issues

like racial justice and equity

nothing seems like the right thing to do

or say everything seems

uncomfortable awkward and messy

and so instead of figuring out a way

forward

we humans tend to do something very

strange

in these circumstances instead

of coming together and figuring out a

collective way forward

we bury our heads in the sand

and this in turn creates even more

awkwardness uncomfortable and messy

interactions assumptions and questions

here are some stories to illustrate how

this disconnection

shows up in my everyday life

first there’s you and i friend

we meet in community but rather than let

our friendship bloom naturally

you insist on peppering me with

questions about my history

my heritage and my hair

i’m most intrigued with the question how

do i wash my hair

because i wonder how do you wash yours

you already know the basics of hair

hygiene and that is really

all you need to know i give it a good

try because i’m hoping things will get

better

over time but then one day

it occurs to me your questions are not

making me feel

connected to you instead they are

increasing the space

between us because i feel objectified

and then i immediately think well maybe

i’m overreacting

until my children start to come home

asking me

how they must respond to these same

questions and i realize we’re playing

out

a harrowing and unholy tradition

generation after generation

i call this response the learned

ignorance response because you might be

thinking even now

as people have said to me before well

how am i to learn if i do not ask

and i invite you instead to consider

what are the systemic reasons

that have you knowing so little about

black people

and then this you and i work colleague

we meet at a session on power and

privilege

and engaging across difference to

continue the rituals of diversity

conversations

that our organizations are engaging in

we simulate the racial privilege

advantage

by working in two groups one group is

given all the supports and resources

they need

and they are given a couple buys along

the way another group

is given less resources and less support

they have roadblocks placed in their way

and they

are given no buys at all

we debrief the activity and you make

your way to me

afterward and you say where are you from

i smiled a bit resigned to the fact that

some form of this

was bound to happen in this space and

because i sense you are looking for

the answer of my ethnic ancestry

i say sierra leone instead of canada

you proceed to tell me all about your

grandson’s glorious adoption story

from somalia why did you feel the need

to do so

even though sierra leone and somalia are

in completely polar opposite

ends of the continent they share

because you could feel the dissonance

and discomforts of the truths you just

experienced

but you wanted me to know me

who now represented all of africa and

all blackness to know that you

are doing your part you have black

family after all

i say nothing and as you continue

you begin to flush because you begin to

realize that in my shoes what you are

saying makes no difference

and that based on what we just

experienced i will need you

to do much more than adopt children who

look like me

from the zeitgeist of the system that we

are stuck

in without being part of changing the

system

at all and this will require that you

further

understand your privilege

and so this response i call the awkward

defensive response

and then there’s you and i

expert in all things social change

higher educator

social policy influencer literal world

changer

there we are at a conference exchanging

ideas

and you seek me out to tell me that you

are impressed by me and then you say

you are different what is your

background

as i look at you taking this in it’s a

rhetorical question because you proceed

to answer it yourself by interrogating

the line in my bio

where i identify as global african

who was born in germany grew up in

sierra leone and currently living in

canada

and you say ah african elite

makes sense i’m stunned

because i may have expected this out

there

but coming from you the implications of

what you just said

are not lost on me and as

i look at you i say to you

that i do not think that that is the

whole story

or the right way to engage with me

in this space because you already know

that it is ridiculous for you to

consider not what is normative for you

to be elite and different for me and for

the parents

that had transcended the boundaries that

they did and modeled excellence

so that i could be in that space

we did this politely of course and you

still dismiss me

and walk away and as you

leave i find myself thinking of my

auntie fatu

auntie patoo is all i wanted to be when

i grew up

moved and inspired as i was by her

intelligence her dignity

her wisdom and her grace

so when i returned to sir leon after

years of being away i sought out auntie

fatu

and told her that i would be honored to

have her

be a witness sign my wedding registry

auntie fatu cried overwhelmed with joy

she looked at me and said but me piquina

nosa be right

but my child i cannot write

and i told her that we had considered

this and she could sign

by fingerprint or that we would teach

her to sign her name

auntie fatu proudly signed my registry

on that day as you walk away

i think about the fact that anti-fatty

could teach you

and i and everyone else in this room

much more than i ever could with my

western acceptability

about what it might mean to create

sustainable change

and engage rural and urban and suburban

african women

but i worried in that moment that to you

she would only be a statistic

a stereotype a symbol to open these

proceedings as an african elder if

allowed into the room

at all this

response is the replay of social rank

sadly at its finest

disconnection is a survival and defense

mechanism

but one that causes real harm to real

people

it can be unconscious at first but

eventually

it becomes consciously unconscious

it becomes a choice for example

in this moment in history there’s

hundreds of years of evidence about the

impacts

that these everyday interactions and

even worse

have on black indigenous and people of

color

and what that means for our society and

yet

there’s only one statistic that concerns

me today

and that is the statistic that in

current canadian research

on average 50 percent of non-black

canadians

and in other cases canadians in general

believe

that systemic racism is an issue at

all 50 percent

of canadians believe that systemic

racism

is an issue at all that statistic

illustrates the disconnection of our

times

so how do you get past disconnection

first you choose to say yes

then you find your resonance

peter block expert in organization

development community building and civic

engagement says

this the answer to how

is yes it’s a metaphor of sorts to

signify

that we humanity can sometimes continue

to ask

questions and stay in a conversation as

a deflection

from commitment when the issues are too

complicated for us to comprehend

instead of coming together to commit and

find solutions

and so to move past disconnection we

must say yes

which means saying yes with our heads

because as peter who likes to be known

as citizen and friend would say

yes is the end of argument it means no

longer arguing with the data and the

evidence

and saying yes to a massive unraveling

of the systems

and the structures and the processes at

every level

that keep us locked in these systemic

situations

that are that are untractable and have

not been changing

over time as much as they need to

it means saying yes with your heart

that means letting go of these narrow

stories that do not dignify

the diversity and the humanity

of black peoples globally and welcoming

me

and mine and every black person you

encounter

as your beloved and it means saying yes

with your hands

much more than talking actions or

reading books although that’s a start to

get past

that learned ignorance but taking action

for

true change and systemic change over

time

you know this year with the on video

suffocation of george floyd

more of us have probably gone to work

globally

than was the case perhaps since the end

of

appetite in south africa that engendered

global

movements and protests or the civil

rights movements

in the united states as we know from

current events

between those landmark moments so much

has continued to happen that have had

black peoples

continuing to work and to resist and to

look for ways

that we can all collectively move

forward in a world of social justice and

equity

and that is because black people have

continued

to die and to struggle whether to police

brutality

or to war and armed conflict over blood

diamonds

or to modern day slavery across the seas

in the mediterranean and the middle east

or to everyday violence against

afro-descendants in north and south

america

or afro-europeans afro-asians or

afro-oceanics

we have kept struggling but we have kept

moving forward

and this is an opportunity for all of us

to do so

because for this pandemic the vaccine

is all of us yes breaks us out of

disconnection

and frees us to look for solutions to

social justice and change

but we can still flame out when working

on these complex and frankly traumatic

issues so 10 years ago in my life as a

researcher

i asked african and black leaders who

were making significant

changes in their communities and in the

world

for social justice and racial equity

what it took

to get to yes and to stay there

and they all described a similar

phenomenon that i

labeled resonance and over these 10

years i have seen resonance

occur in the same way over time

in different groups and different

organizations and in different forums

where social change

is the topic at hand resonance in its

simplest form

is a guiding story it’s the story that

comes to mind

in answer to the question what is a

personal story that

deeply connects you to issues of social

justice

we all have that resonance story

it’s a human story for you it might be

the memory

of growing up in poverty and smelling

and feeling

and knowing what that feels like and

wanting that to be different for

everyone else in the world

for you it might be having raised that

child that you worried about

and seeing them thrive in the world and

deciding you wanted to make sure that

every child

had equal opportunities so that they

could grow up and thrive in that same

way

these human stories could be stories of

extraordinary joy or extraordinary pain

but they anchor leaders to the reason

why they stand for social change and

social justice

and it allows them to carry on when the

going gets tough

because it does and so when it comes to

the movement

for justice for our black lives this

is my resonant story it centers around

my children and the time

in the same time frame when my daughter

came home from school

in about grade four and said to me

that a classmate had said to her that no

one wanted to play with her

because no one wanted to play with a

little black

girl shortly after

my son the older of two who was in grade

two at the time

came home and said to us that he no

longer wished

to be black or african

he said this because in a well-meaning

presentation

about global citizenship and service

without regard to his

humanity he left with the message that

black and african children are only

dirty and poor this broke my heart

as you can see and imagine and it was a

double whammy that propels me

forward and gives me resonance to stand

on stages like this

and invite all of us to say yes

and find that resonant story

starting from the commitment of yes and

locking in on your resonant story

won’t take away the awkwardness i’m

sorry

but it does give you a different entry

points to work from

and to stand in a real and humane way

and acknowledge this is awkward

but i commit to moving forward how can

we get there

together i have seen residents shift

conversations and actions so many times

in the last 10 years and so next time

when you find yourself in that place of

influence

say yes call on your resonance story

individually and collectively

and buckle in for the ride because

there’s nothing

more powerful in social change than the

transformative

power of our own personal stories

will you say yes and find your resonance

story

to move from disconnection to connection

in social change

thank you