Parasocial relationships

my parents

often scold me for giggling on my phone

too much

and to outsiders like them it must

really

just look like i’m i’m like

listening to the love of my life which

makes it all the more shameful when i

have to explain to them

that now this is just a youtuber on

their bedroom floor that i happen to

like watching

i i may remember their zodiac signs

their birthdays while forgetting my old

brothers

it’s i can’t help it though because

when i watch them i feel happier

i develop a sort of relationship with

them i feel like

i’m friends with them and i know them

celebrity and fam culture have existed

when my parents were younger

and for several centuries back of course

but now with the rise of social media it

has given birth to a new type of

influencer one that is more personable

once where you feel like you genuinely

love them they open up more

and they’re not so far away

megastar they feel like people you could

become friends with if you were to meet

being in these communities though these

celebrities

these influencers they often have a very

dedicated

fan base dedicated not to just their

songs or their crafts

but for them as a personality

having such a dedicated fan base though

means

that there are often stories about

crazed stalkers

drinking their water bottles stealing

their personal possessions

and trying to break it through their

house i was

quite shocked when i realized that

these two behaviors the one i

exemplified in the stalker

are actually both examples of something

called

a parasocial relationship

a parasocial relationship is a

psychological

relationship where a viewer

develops a relationship with a media

personality

they may seem they may think that they

are friends who are closer

despite having limited interaction or

in similar words you actually adore an

influencer

and they don’t even know you exist

these behaviors

these behaviors um

from my own perspective i feel like i

know them

due to the things that they put online

and something that we and a lot of fans

in the community have is that we’re

teenagers if you’ve been on the internet

before you’ve probably observed that a

large demographic

of people in these dedicated families

are teenagers often around my age

and what could be the factor in drawing

in

so many people of this particular

demographic

well numerous studies and a study by

pierre

de maria has shown that people

with loneliness and self-esteem issue

are more likely to develop parasocial

relationships online

and it makes sense when you’re lonely

you crave interactions with other yet

your self-esteem issues

makes it harder to connect with

real-life people when you fear

the social rejection that might take

place

to in order to fulfill your loneliness

which is why her social relationships

seemingly

provide the perfect solution

feelings of loneliness and self-esteem

issues

are an experience that unfortunately

often highlights

adolescence industries

have realized this as well they have

realized the power

parasocial relationships can have in

bringing profit

to their agency and

as history has proven when industries

realize they can profit

off a removable large demographic

it leads to a lot of troubles nowhere is

this more exemplified

than the idle industry with the newfound

k-pop wave and the idle industry has

seen a massive

boom in these last recent years and

being a being part of these communities

myself

i’ve observed two types of parasocial

relationships

that often take place here and while

i’ll be using i know examples

just you can probably start to see a lot

of these same behaviors

meld into other types of infusers as

well

the first type of parasocial

relationship

is an intimate one it is built upon the

fan’s

desire for an intimate relationship

often in your teenage years your first

experiencing the desire to have a

romantic or intimate relationship with

somebody

else and idols while they perform

while they perform by singing or dancing

they also perform by showing affection

there are often

fan meetings where you can pay money

just to shake hands with the influencers

hug them and when while they’re

performing

on television shows they’ll often say

they love you

and there is a big culture of protect

lovers

in the idol industry where they’ll say

they’ll

they love you they’ll act like they’re

your actual lovers

and it capitalizes upon the desire

for a relationship the second type

is a self-projected relationship it is

where

you see yourself in the influencer

these influencers they may try to market

themselves as relatable

so when you see them talk about

how messy their room is or how sometimes

they’re just

far too lazy to make up their bed

you can say hey that’s me and

on the occasions where they may open up

about your their mental health their

feelings of

loneliness or inadequacy you can say

hey that’s mean too

but in the end all of this is just

a performance especially for idols or

public figures like actors and singers

who are under an

agency everything they say no matter how

authentic

it may sound has been filtered through

by their agency while so it will be

appropriate for the image

and even if this wasn’t the case it’s

just simply impossible

to know somebody through what they

choose to show online

it’s just like yourself when you’re

with your parents you act differently

when you’re on stage

you act differently you try to project

different personas so it fits the

occasion

however some people don’t differentiate

between

the persona and the person the

performance

and the performer these people

they might become deluded they might

actually start to think

that maybe this person they do belong

they said they say they do and maybe we

aren’t friends because

they say that we are friends online

these people may become intimacy seeking

stalkers

like the example i gave in the beginning

these people may try to steal personal

possessions

or feel entitled like

they’ll they will feel like they are an

actual friend or a lover

and they may try to break into another

person’s house

i’m gonna throw out a wild assumption

here that

nobody here is a prey stalker no nobody

here has ever broken to

trader friend’s house but

these stalkers they their mindset may

not be

so different they might not be so

foreign after all

because 63 of stalkers

have experienced a loss of a caregiver

early into their childhood

and 50 percent of them often deal with

loneliness

or self-esteem issues these are the very

same

things that often leads to parasol

parasocial relationships for both

teenagers and

the average audience so

the desire the desire for somebody

who loves you the desire for your

feelings to be reciprocated

it’s not a foreign idea at all it’s

simply that because

of these stalker circumstances we’ve

grown to be deluded

and believe in these parasocial

relationships

the same mindset which is seen slowly

leak

into our daily life

although not to the extent of the

stalkers sometimes i do find myself

asking a influencer about how their life

is going

or why this seems so down in this video

but it’s not up to me to know

it’s i don’t deserve to know all this

knowledge

it’s private information but due to the

warped

sense of reality that parasocial

relationships have

given me i start thinking that

maybe i am this person’s friend

parasocial relationships can often

serve as a crutch for other issues

which is why during the clinton 19

pandemic

as internet usage has risen and

loneliness has spiked

many influencers start seeing a boom

in their popularity it’s due to people

similar to me people who are looking for

something to distract themselves with

and parasocial relationships it can

start serving as

a form of escapism from the troubled

world we may live in

when you’re on your own at your house

being alone with your thoughts it’s a

scary thing you might want to just go

online you can’t meet your friends now

so what can you do maybe you’re facing

some issues

within yourself but you have nobody to

open up to

so you start seeking out these

influencers who make you happier

and you start involving yourself more in

these communities

however during this process

you may start thinking that hey this

person

didn’t give me the same happiness as a

friend does

and this community it’s easier for me to

open up to them than

the actual people around me this may

lead to

a mind swap a mindset where

maybe i can replace my real life

relationships with them

however no matter how tough we need to

realize

that real life relationships can never

be replaced

because in real life there will be

awkward silences there will be

tension all unpleasant social things

that

you just can’t find in a person in a

parasocial relationship

yes it is uncomfortable to go through

these things but as

teenagers when we’re just first

developing our recognition of emotions

and developing our social skills it is

essential

that we don’t start caging ourselves

in that we actively engage in these

uncomfortable situations

i myself personally uh showing

vulnerability or emotions doesn’t come

easy it’s why i’ve had to rewrite this

tedx speech a lot

but i i also need to realize that

even if even when i’m uncomfortable

i do have to talk to the people around

me because the more

and more i depend on these influencers

the more of a dependent relationship

there will be almost like a parasite

if i don’t learn to deal with my

problems

it will be even harder for me in the

future to

detach myself from these influencers and

the community around

me

for as long as we live humans will

always be

seeking connections with others it’s in

our very nature but

it’s up to us to be aware of the dangers

of a parasocial relationship

it’s up to us to be aware of our very

nature

thank you