Retaking the social media high ground

as a school resource officer

i’m a uniformed police officer working

at the school to ensure the safety of

the kids

and to build relationships with them

i first started off working at a middle

school with about 1200 students

who were just starting off their social

media lives

and learning how to do so i later on

went to work at a high school with 2 300

students

who had lots and lots of social media

in order to see social media the way my

students did

i made a fake social media account and i

started adding

students from the school under my

assumed name

what surprised me is that every single

student i added accepted me as a friend

within a few months i had over 400

students at the school who had accepted

me

as their fake social media friend

now some of these kids had no

idea that they were friends with a

police officer

what i discovered is that many kids at

the school

have between 400 and 4000 social media

friends

a lot of them had more social media

friends there are there were students in

the entire school

what concerned me about that was if they

were friends with me

who they didn’t know who else were they

friends worth

right and then what question i really

had was

how many of their friends that they

didn’t know were online predators

in my journey into social media i found

that

millions of online predators are just

waiting for kids to come online

to make them victims i also discovered

many other perils of social media

that included two but were not limited

to

bullying fraud

sextortion desensitization

and even sex trafficking

now as a parent how can you

navigate the ever-changing world of

social media

it’s easy to think that a parent would

have to be a digital technology wizard

fluent in the digital applications of

tick tock snapchat

instagram and whatever other social

media

the kids happen to be into next

in working with thousands of kids at the

school every day

i learned that the parents that were

winning this battle

were not technology wizards and they

were not sitting over their kids

shoulders every day looking at their

social media

what i learned is the parents that were

successful at

checking in with their kids social media

were using very low-tech methods to do

this

and because of that any parent

regardless of their

technological background can use these

same methods

first we have to assume that we can’t

set up

our kids to be able to navigate

every single problem that’s thrown in

front of them

but let’s use news headlines as an

excellent tool to equip them

every week there’s news headlines about

predators that are after kids every week

there’s

news headlines about kids who’ve made

mistakes that change their lives

and i know some parents don’t want to

introduce their kids to some of the ugly

news headlines

but it’s better that you talk about it

with your kids so that they’re

able to navigate some of these problems

without having to experience themselves

by having conversations about possible

problems and how

people got into them your kids will

essentially

extrapolate how to solve problems in

their own online life

what’s super nice about this is it’s

super low tech

no technology required it’s just a

conversation you have with your kid

second

the outside world isn’t the only thing

you have to worry about with your kids

in social media

sometimes their friends circle and their

peers

will try to victimize your kid through

the use of bullying

and online bullying specifically it used

to be that you had to bully in person

and you get to take a break when you

went home at night

nowadays bullying is 24 7 through the

use of online applications

sadly i get real reports from real kids

and real parents

on how a kid wakes up and he sees

messages in their inbox on

hey you should kill yourself you should

not come to school today

because you’re too skinny you’re too fat

you’re too short

you’re too tall and you’re two so many

other things

now while i take

measures as law enforcement officer i

know that it’s far better for me to

teach kids how to solve these problems

themselves

so over the years i came up with a low

tech

visual aid to help kids understand how

to combat bullying

each time i had a kid come into my

office and say officer gomez i am being

bullied

i’d ask him a few questions and then i

would draw them a picture

i would draw them a simple picture of a

house key on a sticky note pad

now i would tell the kids that this

sticky note represents

control of their life right it’s control

of their thoughts and emotions

now i would hand them this sticky and i

would say hey you have

somebody who’s bullying you and trying

to control your thoughts and emotions

why don’t you go ahead and rip off a

piece of that key

and i’ll give it to them and explain to

them how much of control of your life

they have

and every time i would tell them to rip

off a piece of that key they would hold

it next to their chest and they’d say

officer gomez i don’t want to give them

control of my thoughts and emotions i

want to keep that for myself

and i would say i want you to do the

same thing and they would take the key

and they would usually put it in their

wallet

or they would put it in their binder so

they could remember and they could use

it in case they ever forgot

this is a super low tech way that

parents can have a

conversation with their kids about

bullying

right no cyber safety degree needed no

tech wizardry

they don’t even need my taser

it’s just another conversation low tech

thirdly we have to understand the

different dangers that are coming out

for our kids

predators are coming after your kids

online and they’re attacking their

self-worth

they’re getting to know your kids and

they are

exploiting things that your kids not

might not be happy about

lots of kids wish they had the latest

fashion trends

they wish they could maybe have a few

more freedoms to do

different events like staying out at a

party too late

or maybe ditching or other things that

a lot of parents don’t allow their kids

to do

well predators go after those weaknesses

and they will explain to kids how

the predator understands what a rough

life that kid has

and how much better that kid’s life

would be if they just had a parent like

the predator that they’re talking to

what i found is the best way to combat

these predators

is through gratitude if you teach your

kids how to be thankful for the things

that they have

their friends their family their

community it makes them

a lot more resilient to these predators

who would try and attack their

self-worth in order to make them a

victim

a wise person once said if you’re in a

state of gratitude you can’t be in any

other state

and what’s nice is it virtually takes no

time at all

for you to point out the things in your

life that you’re thankful for and the

things in your life that your kids

should be thankful for

and what they should be thankful for

again

a super low-tech way to build up your

kids self-worth

their enjoyment of the world around them

and make them very resilient to online

predators

as you can see this technology battle

isn’t one with technology at all

it’s one with conversations

about risky situations and how they

develop

it’s one by empowering your kids to

exercise

self-control over their thoughts their

emotions and their self-worth

right it’s run with gratitude

the best part about this solution is if

you teach your kids these things and

talk with them about them

not only will they be safer but their

friends will be safer as well

i was sitting in the high school

cafeteria and talking to a group of

young ladies

and one of the girls happened to mention

that she felt like she was getting

bullied

now as i was about to start my

questioning to ask her a few more

in-depth

things about how i could help her friend

said hold on officer gomez i have this

and her friend reached into her backpack

and into her binder and she pulled out a

sticky note that i’d given her probably

a year before

and she started to explain to her friend

hey

this represents your control over your

life over your thoughts and emotions

i smiled and i walked away because they

didn’t need me

they had showed me yet one more low-tech

way

on how kids can stay safe online

they can support each other in real life

thank you