Dare To Occupy Powerful Spaces

[Music]

[Applause]

my skin is like

dark ebony under the blazing sun won’t

you

tell me that i’m beautiful but don’t

preface it by telling me the limiting

conditions of my beauty

my skin is like sunday morning sweaty

pews uncomfortable shifting

uncomfortable silence

as a congregation waxes and ways to the

preacher’s words

don’t tell me i am sinful don’t judge me

for being religious

our white god is the only thing you have

left for us

hello my name is dr chica stacy orewa

and i’m a first year resident in

psychiatry at the university of toronto

and before i became a doctor i was a

competitive

spoken word poet meaning that i had

spent

many years on stage performing my poetry

i would have never imagined that one of

the most important performances

i would ever give would be at my medical

school admissions

interview for the university of toronto

in a seat

across from a senior white male

cardiologist

the one who would determine whether i

would earn a spot

at this prestigious institution and

achieve my lifelong

goal of becoming a doctor this time

the performance i had rehearsed was

entirely different

to the poems i was trained to know by

heart

every move was part of a delicate dance

keep your chin raised

smile look poised but not robotic

hands on the table and not on your lap

and try to relax

the sterile feeling of the windowless

room made me nervous

and left me with a cold sweat and

intense focus on the gravity of this

very moment

my shot at getting into the medical

school of my dreams

and despite all the weeks i had spent

preparing nothing

could have prepared me for when he

combed through my resume

realized that i had recently placed in a

national poetry slam competition

and asked me in that moment to perform

my very

best piece i

was stunned i did not rehearse for this

and my biggest fear wasn’t that i would

falter a performance that i’d given

dozens of times but whether i would be

able to command

this audience one of the most important

audiences

i would ever have with a poem that

describes

in detail my lived experience as a black

woman

and the collective trauma that the black

community has faced

not one that describes why i would be

the ideal candidate for medical school

and as i stood at the cusp of my medical

journey

i was reminded of the rule that often

polices how black people

navigate professional spaces one that

i’ve been told

time and time and time again

be careful of embracing and expressing

your blackness

as this can make some people feel

uncomfortable

and as i mentally shuffled through the

catalogue of my poetry

my poem skin stood out

i hold this piece close as it not only

speaks to my humanity as a black woman

but also demands an incredible amount of

passion in its performance

i could feel my heart racing and my

hands shaking

as deciding to share this poem can mean

alienating me further from my

interviewer

and widening the chasm in our identities

and experiences

but i knew that standing in my truth as

a black female poet

would be the most honest window into my

soul and the most clear demonstration

of the conviction i can bring to a

career in medicine

and so as i had done hundreds of times

before a performance

i clasped my hands closed my eyes and

drew a slow

steady breath

my skin is like dark ebony under the

blazing sun won’t you

tell me that i’m beautiful and in that

moment

the cold sweat gave way to the

exhilaration of taking the stage

sharing my crafty wordplay and rhyming

skills and showing this physician

the rawest realest version of myself

halfway through my poem the buzzer rang

signaling the final minute at that

station

and i held my breath in anxious

anticipation for his response

he put the papers down we shared a long

silent stare before he said

that was incredible and i wish you could

stick around to finish the piece

and in that moment i learned that there

is a power

in standing in your truth and allowing

the light within you to shine brightly

that others can recognize and respect

i also learned that there is a power in

occupying space

and by that i mean existing in places

where someone like yourself

is not traditionally seen my performance

on that fateful day

embodies my belief that you should dare

to unapologetically

occupy powerful spaces and if you’ve had

the historical privilege of doing so

i dare you to allow those to step in

from the margins

because when we do this we will not only

empower ourselves and

others but actually shift the culture of

a collective

and inspire a generation it’s only when

we do this

that we can begin to see the gaps in

equity close

and opportunities for success be made

available to all

and so i got in and in the late summer

of 2016

i started medical school at the

university of toronto

and after having finished my

undergraduate degree at mcmaster

university

where i was the only black student in my

class

i was so excited to be studying medicine

in a city that is often regarded as one

of the most

diverse places in the world however

i quickly learned that my narrative of

being the only

black student was going to continue

another

four years as i learned alongside 259

brilliant future doctors the gravity of

being in my shoes meant having to

contend with

representing my race and fielding racism

and microaggression in isolation

i came to understand that medicine is

one of the oldest and most conservative

professional spaces medical school is

designed to draw in a diverse group of

people

and mold them into the ideal clinician

it’s meant to change the way that we

critically think

view the world and present ourselves and

as a black woman

occupying this space that literally had

floor-to-ceiling paintings of the old

white men

who had founded and occupied this

institution for decades

i was advised that embracing my

blackness and

drawing attention to my differences

could lead to further

isolation i remember a friend once told

me that

the goal was to be black but not sue

black

that it made people feel uncomfortable i

was told that

wearing my natural hair could be a

distraction that it would invite

untoward inquiries and

make my patients feel uneasy

medicine was no space for the political

statement of an afro

a preceptor even once told me that as a

black female doctor

there was no room for error

and so i quickly learned to cleave the

parts of myself that rooted me in my

identity

as i was told that this was the safest

way to survive

four years of rigorous studying

extremely late nights

and painfully early mornings so you can

imagine

that when i was approached by one of my

faculty mentors

with the opportunity to share my story

of being the only black medical student

for the public launch of a brand new

initiative

that was designed to improve the

chronically low numbers of black medical

students

i was haunted by the reminder that

conservative institutions

do not like people who challenge the

status quo

i was asked to share my story with the

media and

going public with my story and openly

advocating for an initiative that

should not have been controversial but

was meant risking it all

i remember my friends would tell me that

i would be destroying

my chances of matching to my dream

residency

and even prevent me from getting hired

as a staff

despite this after careful discussion

with my support networks

i determined that the risk of staying

silent was too great

i dared to move forward and step into

the public eye

and in march of 2017 i took the front

page of the toronto star

with the goal of ensuring that my

isolating experience

at u of t would never again be repeated

and with this publication came a wave of

positive reception

from the black community medical

community and beyond

however i quickly learned that the risk

of speaking up

was not isolated to a potential

professional fallout

but also meant leaving me vulnerable to

online racist attacks

strangers would openly and brazenly mock

me

i remember sitting in my endocrinology

lecture and feeling my phone

vibrate with a notification it was from

facebook

and a random man had commented on my

toronto star article saying

i bet she’s studying african bush

medicine

and i wouldn’t let her treat my children

another random twitter user had

commented and said

scientifically the iq of a black african

is lower than that of a white american

and if she wants more

blacks in her class she should go back

to africa

it would have been irrelevant to mention

that i was in fact born in ottawa

ontario because this individual was

determined to push me back to the

margins

out of the public consciousness away

from medicine

and even out of the borders of our

nation

it was their belief that i was occupying

a space

in which i did not belong however

i dare to move forward in the face of

such intense hate

that still continues to this day because

advocacy for me

is a form of self-preservation it’s a

reclaiming of my identity in a space

that tries to erase it

and as i progressed through my clinical

years i began to shake the fear of

showing up as my authentic self

i dared to wear my natural hair on the

hospital wards

and introduced topics of anti-racism

into clinical discourse

and in my final year of medical school

as i was preparing my residency

applications

i dared to submit a head shot of me

wearing my afro

my kinks and curls on full display for

the residency panel

and in that moment i began to heal the

disconnect

between who i was and who i presented to

the world

today i refuse to apologize for the

space that i

occupy in medicine and this allows me to

navigate my profession to a level of

excellence

and show up in this world with the

confidence and reassurance

that cannot be taken away but the

beautiful thing about all of this is

that it’s bigger than me

my advocacy has taken me on an

unbelievable journey

that has enabled me to educate tens

of thousands of people on the importance

of embracing diversity

and anti-racism efforts from tv

and radio summer camps and hospitals to

the provincial government

and even the canadian military

yet the most important conversations for

me were the ones that happened

in a cozy cafe in toronto over a hot cup

of coffee

with a young woman who just wanted to

know how to get into medical school

or the high schooler who wanted to find

their voice

share their story and make it in the

world

i came to understand and deeply

appreciate

the responsibility i’ve been given to

inspire and mentor

after receiving thousands of messages

over social media emails and even

letters from people

around the world who were thanking me

for sharing my story

they would say i am a lawyer i am a

doctor

i am a teacher and i wish i could have

spoken up

about what i had seen and what i had

faced

many of whom went on to cultivate safer

spaces

and introduced topics of

anti-discrimination into their

environment

i was told that watching me share my

story

empowered them to enter powerful spaces

or more importantly leverage their

privilege

to make their spaces safer and more

accessible for those on the margins

i also came to understand that part of

this responsibility means that when you

get your foot in the door

you hold it open for others and in june

of 2020

i learned that u of t had admitted 24

black brilliant medical students the

largest

cohorts in canadian history and i was

informed that

i’ve been referenced in a few

applications not just

at u of t but at other medical schools

who are now beginning to make their

admissions processes more equitable i am

so proud to be a part of a legacy at an

institution

that dared to make room for a

demographic on the margins

and by that same month despite the

hesitancies and warnings

i had matched to my top choice residency

program

and was graduating medical school as

valedictorian of my class

and finally finally became a newly

minted doctor

following this i was invited to join the

board of directors at

indigo books and music a powerful

company

with massive canadian influence who

dared to make room

for a young black female doctor to take

the stage

and as i enter that boardroom full of

well-esteemed and affluent

businessmen and women i dare to occupy

that space

confidently and authentically never

taking lightly the responsibility

i’ve been given to make impact on a

national scale

and as i think back to that moment when

i was asked to perform

my poem during my medical school

interview i wonder how differently

my story would have been had i said no

but instead i chose to stand in my truth

and this enabled me to unlock my

limitless potential

and capacity to change the world close

gaps in equity

and make opportunities for success

available to all

i wish i could have had the chance to

finish my poem for the cardiologist that

day

and so in honor of him i’d like to leave

all of you

with the ending of a poem that i’d

written and released in my second year

of medical school

entitled women black

women and black doctor and woman doctor

and black doctor black woman doctor

doctor we need a doctor is there anyone

on this place that can

help how can you be both doctor and

black woman i quickly say back i know

of nothing else than to become physician

in the face of doubt to be fearlessly

melanin when the world

begs otherwise and to be feminine when

my narrative is challenging my opinions

are called into question

i will stand at the intersection of my

identities and i will say

i am woman i am black i am doctor

and i am here

you