Becoming the Main Character of Your Story

[Music]

i’d like you to think

of the main character in your favorite

movie or book

think of the way they act think of the

way they

overcome obstacles think of the way

the director or author focuses on their

strengths on their greatest days

but also their weaknesses on their worst

days

as they progress through the traditional

hero’s journey

the protagonists of movies and books are

genuine and authentic in a way

that allows us as the reader and

audience

to get to know them so deeply in under 2

hours or 200 pages

now i’d like you to think of the last

tough moment in your life

when you really thought about giving up

and could only focus

on all of your weaknesses and failures

for some of you this may be hard to

recall

but how did you act how did you

overcome the impossible

did you fully embrace the challenge or

just wait for the challenge to pass

if you are struggling to answer these

questions i want you to ask yourself

this

do you believe you were being the main

character

of your own life

you may ask what does it mean to be the

main character

and how can you be the main character of

your own life

to best answer this look at your

favorite protagonists

being the main character means making

the active choice to be

your authentic self it does not mean

being defined by others views of you or

being shaped by the experiences that

you have no control over it means being

open to learn your innermost desires

and how you handle hard things such as

being alone

experiencing heartbreak or experiencing

the death of a loved one

it is about trying to learn who you

really are

and the motivations behind what drive

your passions

now i may have you convinced and you

might be thinking

okay i want to be the main character

but how do i do it

i’d like to share with you how i came to

understand this in my own life

most of the ideas from this talk stemmed

from one pivotal experience in my life

where i learned i had to become the main

character

growing up i often only thought of

myself

as the girl whose sister has cancer

when i was 10 years old my mom set me

and my 13 year old brother alfonso down

one day

to tell us that our sister josie who was

only

16 at the time had cancer

but unlike other relatives who passed

away from cancer

that she was going to be okay

my sister was my best friend and i

didn’t understand how she could have

cancer

i used to think to myself she probably

doesn’t have the same cancer that

everyone else has

right over the next five years

josie fought against her illness and we

were by her side

the entire time and over those five

years

she became the main character of my life

not because she stole the spotlight or

required much attention

but because i didn’t think anything in

this world was more important than my

sister winning her

fight my sister josie was courageous

and she cared about me and my brother’s

happiness more than anything else

we spent countless nights having

sleepovers and hospital rooms

creating friendships with josie’s nurses

and even celebrating birthdays and

christmas within four hospital walls

my parents worked their hardest to

create a little bit of normal

in our unique situation

when josie was 21 she passed away

and our little bit of normal crumbled

down to the ground

now you may ask what happens

when you lose the main character in your

story

well the story usually ends

but for me it was actually

just the beginning

i wish i could talk to my 15 year old

self now

and tell her that it was completely

normal to feel out of control

when navigating unchartered emotions

like the loss of a sister

and best friend at 15

i had to figure out how to be the lead

character

despite their turmoil and without the

help of my

big sister i cope through the loss of my

sister

by trying to figure out who i am what i

am passionate about

and who i wanted to be

remember the feeling of numbness in the

first few months following my sister’s

death

i found myself waiting for the moment it

would all

click and i would finally realize that

my sister is not coming

back but in waiting

i gradually felt myself becoming more

and more numb to my surroundings and

becoming less

and less passionate in what used to

really engage me

i didn’t want to see my friends i closed

myself off

and i was unsure when or if i would ever

stop

feeling this way ultimately

like many protagonists in books and

movies i was faced with two

paths and the choice to decide which i

wanted to head down

the safer route where i felt sorry for

myself

and my experiences and would ultimately

make sure that i never felt that same

emptiness again

or the other where i decided to live a

life

where i could grow and thrive

in the end i realized that i am the main

character

and it was time i started to act like

one even if my life did not follow the

traditional trajectory of a hero’s

journey

not immediately but over time i allowed

myself to feel the emotions of my

sister’s death

so i could slowly learn how to

rediscover my passions again

i started to make decisions that aimed

at appreciating

every opportunity so i could grow and

learn rather than running from change

i put my whole heart into my schoolwork

and after school activities

i even applied to a university in the

united states to study biology

despite living just outside of toronto

canada my entire life

i also got involved with and started

initiatives for cancer patients

here i am now not perfect or healed but

working on who i want to be

despite the challenges that tried but

ultimately

could not define me something i didn’t

realize immediately

but understand now is this concept from

brian tracy

an american canadian motivational

speaker who once said

you cannot control what happens to you

but you can control your attitude

towards what happens to you

being the main character means changing

your attitude

and finding what drives you beyond your

obstacles

this drive is commonly referred to as

intrinsic motivation

the reasons behind our motivation and

why we choose to do what we

do scientists have discovered that

intrinsic motivation focuses on the want

to feel

satisfied interested and joyful

the hope is we do the things we love

through our intrinsic motivation

contrary to extrinsic motivation which

focuses much more on the achievements or

rewards that come from an activity

so what’s your intrinsic motivation

what drives you to be the hero of your

story

deciding to be the protagonist can

happen at any moment in your life

it doesn’t always have to be when you

lose someone you love

it can happen when you get injured or

lose a romantic relationship or

friendship

it can happen when changing majors or

careers

or when going through a pandemic

and trying to figure out who you really

are when you’re not with anybody else

but it can also happen without a big

tragic or

life-altering event when we realize that

our actions do not align with the life

we aim to live

everybody has an identity that defines

them and completes their narrative

life is just about finding refining and

shaping

that very identity it is easy to

mindlessly live through each day

without actively experiencing the highs

and the lows

this can leave us feeling like we are

stuck in a routine

tired and lacking purpose but when we

choose to experience each day

by following our intrinsic motivations

we are actively choosing to

create our narrative if being the main

character is supposed to bring us so

much

happiness and fulfillment why do so many

people

not want to be the protagonist of their

own life

is it truly easier to sit back and watch

your life as a bystander or a background

character

than to truly and authentically

experience it

i think similar to what i experienced

in not being the protagonist i was able

to play it safe

avoiding what i could not control we

become

comfortable in this inaction rather than

doing what it will take to cause

change in our own life however this

inhibits our ability to grow as an

individual

in finding that sweet spot between the

extremes

we are able to flourish this is why i

challenge you

to find this growth through becoming the

protagonist of your life

the average person’s hero’s journey does

not follow the textbook standard

rising action climax and resolution that

we are all so familiar with

our lives are much more complex and are

an ongoing journey

unlike those from books and movies

so whether it be through a new hobby

exercise journaling or just talking to

others

it is important that you find what being

the main character means to you

in finding the motivation to overcome

challenges

we are able to work through the

discomforts and

foster growth in choosing to be the main

character of your life

you are choosing to support others in

finding the best versions of themselves

the best way to be there for your

friends and family

is to also be there for yourself

there’s enough space for all of us to be

our best version of the main character

you deserve to be the protagonist in

your life and i believe

you have what it takes hopefully

in finding what being the main character

means to you

you’ll find yourself right at the

beginning of a new chapter

rather than at the end of your story

thank you