Empower by Storytelling

i remember standing

on my grandma’s porch in the middle of

the summer

world spinning high pitch gasping

for air but not being able to breathe

deep down i knew that it must have been

my mind playing with me

as i had read somewhere that you can die

for consciously holding your breath

yet irrationally i still thought to

myself

this is it i’m going to die

i wanted to scream to scream to my

mother

my grandma the world help me

can’t you see i can’t breathe but

nothing came out

not a single word i couldn’t breathe

i couldn’t speak the funny part is

no one seemed to notice not my mother

not my grandma no one

i remember feeling completely voiceless

powerless invisible

voiceless powerless invisible

these three words pretty much sum up how

i felt this last six years

i’m a survivor of verbal emotional and

sexual abuse from my father

but more than that just like most women

i’m a survivor of an unjust

misogynist victim blaming system where

if you are rich white men you are

untouchable

who am i my name is andrea and i’m a 17

year old

passionate student at uwcsca

and this is my story

i’ve experienced quite early what

structural violence really feels like

i spent the last five years of my life

in courts in during

all this time i was made to believe that

i was the aggressor

and not the victim every time

my father would would use his social and

economic influence

to manipulate court officials and

services

the police and force systems everyone he

would come after me

everywhere i would go he would be

waiting outside my school

outside my house everywhere

it didn’t matter how many times me and

my mother change houses

because you’d always find out where we

were

i lived in pure fear and i felt

stuck suffocated

hopeless

that took me a long time to understand

is that

the child here was me and that fathers

are the ones who have the duty and

responsibility

to protect from harm but what happens

when we need protection from those who

are meant to protect us

as unbelievable as it sounds during all

this time

the child’s interest my interest

was never respected nor taken into

consideration

by any of the adults involved

my father judges

attorneys police officers

psychologists social care workers

everybody failed me the system

failed me during the last five years

all i ever heard was is your father

father there’s only one you just have to

learn how to accept it

and live with it or you’re just doing

this to hurt your father right

this is some kind of teenager tantrum

or oh your mother put you up to this

to punish your father

or even you didn’t mean it

he doesn’t understand what he did wrong

you have to talk to him you have to

teach him

how to be a father

and this is serious this culture of

normalization of violence

and abuse has huge effects on people

especially children it got to a point

where i actually started to question

myself i could no longer hear my own

voice

i would go through faces when i

literally couldn’t speak

they put me on the edge of serious

mental disorders

and dangerous deep faces of depression

eventually though i realized i had one

of two choices

i could either let it consume me

completely

or make sure that one day one day

my voice would eventually be heard that

i would not stop

until my voice was heard loud and clear

that i would not stop until there was

still 12 year old me

out there completely voiceless

and here i am giving a ted talk

in the other side of the world safe

and sound pun intended

well some of you might be thinking that

i’m crazy for exposing myself like this

in a ted talk of all places inside of

shrink’s office

but actually storytelling showing your

own story

has been shown to be incredibly powerful

for your own healing process

it is considered an effective method for

treating ptsd

as it helps you to make sense of what is

going on in your heads

in order to process events and i can

tell you it does work

as i’ve experienced it firsthand

the experience was so traumatic for me

at first

they completely shut down those memories

i would have panic attacks and not know

why

it’s like i started to remember in

pieces

to be honest i still do but if there’s

something

that i’ve learned by being constantly

forced to talk about it

and relive it over and over again

is that each time it would hurt less

and i would become better aware of what

had happened

for a long time i didn’t understand why

i felt this

repulse against my father in paralyzing

fear

i remember thinking there must be

something wrong with me

all daughters like their fathers why do

i like mine

meanwhile the panic attacks were

constant

so i went to a psychiatrist and she

asked me to write a letter to my father

not to actually give it to him

but to allow myself to release all the

emotions

and feelings i had been holding in for

so long

cursing enough it was in that moment

halfway through that letter

that pieces started to fall into place

and i realized what had occurred

even though i’m still healing i want to

share my story because another really

important factor in the process of

healing and self-empowerment

is knowing that you are not alone

when you share your story whatever it

might be

you end up finding people that have gone

through similar situations

or even if completely different

understand you and support you

actually studies have shown that when

you

put yourself out there and share your

story

you’re more likely to have a stronger

sense of belonging

well but wouldn’t that mean that we

be constantly putting ourselves in a

vulnerable situation

yes and that’s exactly my point

as i’m guessing many of you have all my

life

i’ve been hearing that vulnerability

equals weakness

that’s if we let ourselves be in a

vulnerable position

people are going to take advantage but

vulnerability is not a sign of weakness

vulnerability is a sign of courage

of strength and believe me when i tell

you

that everything i’ve ever achieved

being finally hurt in courts being able

to be here

at uwc everything

was was when i let go of all restraints

and allow myself to be vulnerable

i know it is easy to say it is

scary and yes it is also very painful

but a thing that many people still don’t

understand

is that it’s not about the other

person’s reaction

it’s all about you

it’s about self-empowerment

in fact when i was forcibly being

vulnerable

in courts to the police social care

well most of the time it was not that

well received

in part because of the strong social and

economic influence of my father

and in part because unfortunately there

are still

strong misogynist beliefs imbabed in our

society

in rooted in our justice system

but as much as receiving judgment when

telling your story

can be extremely hard and hurtful to

take in

at the end of the day it is still

incredibly empowering

even though i kept being judged

humiliated

marginalized wrong and sandbagged

i refused to keep being silenced and i

found the power within

to keep on going and share my story over

and over again until it could no longer

be ignored

or muffled actually

studies have shown a correlation between

being vulnerable

and having a stronger sense of

worthiness and confidence

moreover there is also indications that

the more you put yourself out there

and have the balls or i would say the

boobs

to be vulnerable the happier you are

not only can you be a happier more

confident

and empowered person as you can inspire

and empower

others to speak up and share their

stories as well

more importantly it can lead to change

in break cycles of oppression and

violence

you know the famous quotes of martin

luther king i have a dream

well as much as i do appreciate it

i must admit today i prefer my own

version

or the 2.0 version

now this is serena burke

burke was born in 1973 in new york city

in a low-income working-class family

she was raped and sexually assaulted

both as a child

and a teenager now

how many of you have heard about the

movement me too

she was the voice the story behind the

movement

it was because she was brave enough to

share a story

which was later set ablaze after a tweet

by the actress elisa milano

that tens of thousands of women have

come forward

and spoke up she gave voice

to many other women and paved the way to

countless more to come forward

at 2018 the new york times analysis has

found that only within a year

after harvest wine signs reports of

sexual harassment

and abuse at least 200 permanent men

have lost their jobs after public

allegations of sexual harassment

from which at least 920 people have come

forward

to say that one of these men had

subjected them to

sexual misconduct and surprisingly

nearly 50 percent of the men who were

replaced

were succeeded by women keeping in mind

that hollywood is still overwhelmingly

male and wide

so this was an important stepping stone

for

all women in this industry

however it was not

only in hollywood that there has been a

significant change

yale university has published a study

that shows that only within three months

after the movement was launched on

social media

there has been an increase of seven

percent of sex requirements reported

only within the us which is accounted

for an additional

four thousand six hundred cases

the researchers also examined the

movement’s effect

in 24 other countries and have found

that only in that three months initial

period there has been an increase of 14

sex crimes reported in these countries

representing an additional 11

600 new cases

so as you can see telling a story

your story is incredibly powerful

this was only possible due to the

courage of tyranna burke

and all the women who spoke up and

shared their story

breaking the cycle of oppression and

violence

on a different but similar notes as i’m

sure many of you know

this is george floyd floyd was a 46 year

old

african-american that was killed after

being arrested

by the police outside a shop in

minneapolis

chavin a white police officer kept his

knee on floyd’s neck

ultimately killing him

floyd’s last words i can’t breathe

have become a mantra against oppression

around the world

not only does it symbolize all innocent

african-american lives

taken by white police officers as it

represents

all victims of oppression that just like

me

refuse to keep being silenced

not only did blm gather enormous support

in the u.s

with an estimated 50 million to 26

million people

participating in protests in 2020

as they have taken place

in over 60 countries and in all seven

continents

however they were not able

to tell the stories themselves that

right was ripped away from them

together with their lives but their

story

is still alive it has had

and still has tremendous power

but why am i telling you my story and

all these powerful stories

because we often seek power outside

outside of ourselves

as if the magic solution is somewhere

out there

when truthfully it has been inside of us

all along our voice

is the most powerful superpower that is

your voice is powerful

your story is powerful

you are powerful

don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and

more importantly

don’t let anyone silence you even if

that someone

is you believe in yourself

and find the power within to keep on

going and share your story

whether you have suffered from sexual

abuse

racism homophobia

mental disorders or any other

challenging circumstance

don’t underestimate the power of your

story

you don’t need a huge story you have a

story

and any story is a powerful story

from someone has been deprived of a

voice for so long

i beg you use your voice

speak up share your story

for you for me for everyone

thank you