How Community Culture Influenced My Resilience

i’m sure

you’re familiar with the same it takes a

village to raise a child

it’s believed to have originated from

the nigerian culture

and proverb or na azuwa

which means it takes a village

or a community to raise a child

no one ever knew what i was going

through as a child or adolescent

but i experienced strong

sense of community that added value to

my life

i was born to a teenage mom and a young

vietnam vet

in our home there was never anyone

defined as a babysitter

because there was always someone there

older

than the youngest person there was

pornography sexual and physical abuse

mingled with neglect and rejection

only five years old on the last day of

my kindergarten

year my teenage uncle molested me for

the first time

and would frequently do so until i was

nine years old

at 14 i met my explorer

he was a local charismatic preacher

he groomed me and my family for months

by the time i was 15 we were having sex

that same year a high school boy

tried to rape me in my own bedroom he

was the guest of another family member

at 16 i was held at knife point in an

attempted rape

but i fought that night willing to die

instead

one in nine girls one in 53 boys

under 18 experienced sexual abuse or

assault

according to the rape abuse and incest

national network

or reign which is the nation’s largest

anti-sexual violence organization

82 percent of all victims under 18

are female

you’re born into your first community

your family where you learn a sense

of belonging your needs are both

individually and socially met it’s in

this community of family

that you engage in interaction or shared

emotional connections

like i love you are hugs and kisses

then there’s the culture that you’re

exposed to

culture is that acquired knowledge that

people use to interpret their

experiences

and generate behavior it’s learned

it’s like learning to lie or manipulate

to get a need met

i’m a strong advocate of community

because for some of us the sense of

belonging was never

realized now we know from years

of studies that everyone has a sense

or need to belong that’s why gangs are

formed

and young girls they tend to gravitate

towards smooth talkers

belonging is essential to adolescent

adolescent development my external

community consisted of

school sports and organizations like

girl scouts

within those spaces i developed social

skills

i got a sense of culture i had something

to compare my home life to

there were also individuals in my

community

that nurtured my resilience

just by being what i lacked at home

like miss shepherd the first black

teacher

in my hometown she didn’t have children

of her own

but she was intentional about the

attention she gave me

and i’d spend weekends with miss

she was a soft-spoken single mother of

four boys

with her i learned that correction

could be sweet and gentle and just

as effective and then there’s miss

jean and her dog sugar

she taught me grammar

and etiquette these women

along with many others became my tribe

they were my safe place

my mom she took care of me and loved me

the best she could what she couldn’t

give me was she never had

she was raised during a time where

parents had

large families they were providers

but not affectionate

those positive interactions within my

community

in my tribe they counteracted the

negative experiences

creating that bounce back mindset

i learned those things happen to me but

they

don’t define who i am i am beautifully

and wonderfully made

so now i propose the concept

of building a community of resilience

to introduce or re-introduce

sexual abuse survivors to the path of

discovering

who they are to give them

hope to help them realize that what

they desire in life with expectation

can be obtained or fulfilled

now we all have a god-given purpose

but we must change the narrative

and shift the mentality of survivors

that think that they don’t deserve any

better than what they’ve been dealt

so they’ll believe that love

true love first corinthians 13

love does exist and it’s their rights

my message is simple will you step

up and protect the vulnerable in your

community

or just say it doesn’t pertain to me

so i can’t get involved i pray not

because we can literally nurture

broken children with positive

interactions

making a difference in the world

begins with our communities

your neighbor you

thank you