Lets save others by sharing our own story

hi guys

uh my name is sudhan supande and first

of all i would like to thank

tedx golden bridge to give me this

platform

and this opportunity to speak about

uh something that i’m very very

sensitive about and

something that i’ve personally gone

through something that i’ve experienced

and something that has

altered my life my thinking

uh my conscience forever

and uh today um

whatever i am as a human being as an

actor

as a person or whatever you may call

or perceive me as is is the result is

the final result of

what i went through because of that

experience and um

uh the the the topic that i’m talking

about

is essentially mental health

um and you know today the world

is filled with all sorts of competition

the

competitive nature of people

the cutthroat competition the race to be

number one and to be running all the

time

restlessly without um without realizing

what kind of impact

it’s having on our uh on our mind on our

physical condition

on our families or anybody who loves us

or is around us so

i would like to share one experience

that

i just mentioned and it happened to me

around 2008 and

i’d also like to tell you that you know

this this this whole thing happened when

at the uh at the at the age of

30 or something i think i had bought my

first house in bombay and i was very

fortunate that i i had the strength and

the ability to be able to pull

all the strings together and uh i could

buy a house which was

fairly large size and and and at such a

young age

um for an actor who had come to bombay

with nothing

but a wife and no friends no work

no money at all to be able to uh you

know buy

buy a house buy an apartment and

obviously that happened you know and and

oh

i brought upon a lot of pressure uh on

my head as well because obviously you

can’t buy

uh in one go not many of us can buy

apartments

or houses in one go in a city like

bombay which is very

expensive and

it requires a lot of money to give for

an apartment in one go so

obviously i had picked up a loan and

as a result obviously i was working

throughout and

i was um you know i was trying to make

as much money as possible to be able to

uh give my emis for that house and uh

you know

um also uh you know other expenditures

you know that that we we go through um

or we have to bear on

on a daily basis and um

around 2008 i think i shifted into that

house

uh in 2006 and i think around 2008

one day i was with a friend of mine

um he’s a director and a writer and

uh i was sitting in a in an open cafe

with him i was in fact i still remember

i can never forget that moment because

it uh

it was something that changed me forever

i was standing with him and i suddenly

started feeling that

my uh my body

suddenly uh started to feel like

there is something happening there’s

something wrong with me and i

um my heart started racing suddenly and

i could feel the palpitations up to my

throat here

and um i started sweating and i i said

uh i told my friend i said swell

uh you know i i don’t know what is

happening something is happening to me

take me to the doctor take to the

hospital

and and he also panicked and

he rushed me to my doctor first i said

take me to my my doctor and i went to my

doctor

my family doctor and she she failed to

recognize what happened to me

she uh rushed me to a hospital she said

get your cardiac

status checked and i went and i got an

ecg done the ecg was normal but i was

not normal i was

i was feeling like somebody is uh

something is happening to me and i think

i’m gonna die i think i’m just gonna die

and just suddenly everything around me

was so so dark and so

uh you know so uh dramatically dark and

i was i just thought that everything is

coming down crumbling down

crashing down and it’s uh if it felt

like doom

and uh guys all i can tell you is that

that just felt

terrible to another level and uh

from there my journey started and

although we have very limited time i

would love to go on and on about this

experience but

let me tell you that um you know it’s an

experience

where if you were a very very happy man

or you are a very happy person and

um you you’re standing on top of uh

you know you’re having a you have a good

life and you have a very happy life and

you’re standing on top of a

of a mountain cliff and you’re enjoying

the breeze you’re enjoying the scenery

everything is hunky-dory around you

people are happy

you know your kids are happy your wife

is happy your friends are happy

everything is happy

around you and while you’re standing on

that cliff and suddenly somebody comes

from behind

and kicks you in the back hard and you

start to fall and when you fall

you’re falling and falling and falling

without any hitting the ground

you can’t see the ground you’re just

falling

and trust me that feeling

of being in that state

of a constant fall

and going deeper and deeper and deeper

and darker and darker

uh is something that is incomparable and

uh something that cannot be explained

but only experienced

it’s like being suspended in

into a world that is dark

absolutely darkness absolute darkness

around you

absolute uh you’re suspended you’re

um you’re floating

and you still feel that you know you’re

falling but there is nobody

catching you not hitting the ground

you’re not touching anything there’s

nothing

it’s just constant suspension into that

dark

world it feels like dome it feels like

you’re

dying any minute and every

minute you’re dying and

by god’s grace i would say that you know

i don’t know maybe i’m blessed

with my karma uh that one i had to go

through this

i had to go through this experience uh

which i later came to know

is called a panic attack and this panic

attack

sent me spiraling down

into a very very very dark

world of doom and

it just sent me spiraling down so fast

that within

a matter of few seconds i was

in chronic depression and the reason why

i’m mentioning this word depression is

because

it is true it is real and it can happen

to any one of us

and like i said we are living a life of

constant competition uh for

everything whether it is your career

whether it is your

uh your dressing up your clothes your

friends or competition with your friends

he is doing a better job than i am so i

need to do a better job

or he’s happier than i am so let me also

be happy and

then we get into all sort of pretense

and artificial

um happiness and uh

we really can’t find any true happiness

in all of that and and and then these

kind of things happen to you where

you suddenly uh break down internally

because you’ve taken too much

you’ve endured too much of pressure and

pain and

without realizing one day you hit this

moment

and you’re depressed and then you don’t

know

what to do you’re still trying to figure

your life out you still wonder what has

happened to me

and then you start feeling really weird

and you start to think that

is my life over is everything over is my

career over

is my family over am i dying or

should i die myself should i kill myself

any sort of thought

can come into your head but

this is where i want to correct you

i will share my personal experience

obviously and i’ll tell you how

i dealt with it and trust you me

whenever this happens you must tell

yourself that

actually there is nothing wrong with you

it’s just in your mind it’s your mind

that is telling you that

something is wrong where actually

there’s nothing wrong

it’s a chemical imbalance if i were to

tell you in a scientific language

or a medical language it’s a chemical

imbalance

it just changes your thinking it just

changes the feeling around you and

uh obviously because you are you’ve

endured so much of

pressure on your head and your lifestyle

has been such that you know

physically these things happen and and

suddenly one day

you start to feel very different so uh

let me tell you that

i was lucky that i drew strength from

within and i kept telling myself

i i’ve always been a very strong person

from inside um

as far as me uh anything to do with me

and my family

uh is concerned i i’ve always drew i

always drew strength from within and i

kept telling myself

throughout this feeling that no there is

nothing there is there is this cannot be

real this is not true

this is not me this is not sudhanshu

pandey this cannot happen to me this

cannot this cannot

bring me down this cannot change my life

this is not what i’m here for

i am here for much bigger things and

this cannot put me down

then i kept telling that to myself and

kept drawing strength from that one

thought

that there is nothing wrong with me i

kept drawing strength and i

kept becoming stronger till one day

a friend of mine a childhood classmate

of mine suddenly appeared from somewhere

and he

introduced me to my my almighty

mahakal you know jain uh one of the

jotri one of the twelve jyotirlings and

that is where i went and surrendered

myself

and from there

my spiritual journey started and

i’ll tell you something that during all

this dark period

i felt that all that

all that muck the dirt

of the influence of the worldly things

around me

and being a part of this glamour

industry there’s so much of

muck there is so much of pressure and

all of that

this influences that i had on my

conscience

which uh completely

covered my uh my my soul and my

conscience

those blankets filled with the muck of

this of this worldly influence on me

started to clear up started i started

remove

those blankets one by one because uh

this whole dark phase also

helped me get in touch with my conscious

and i only realized it

much later that i’m in touch with my

conscience and

i need to help myself and the moment i

started removing those blankets and

started clearing

those blankets i became a different

person

and thanks to mahakal i started praying

i started doing shivaratna i started

talking to myself

in a better way i started reasoning

everything that i

i wanted to do and i didn’t want to do i

started reasoning with myself

and trust me slowly gradually

by telling myself that there is nothing

wrong i

found my way out of this dark world

and three and a half years later four

years later

when i did come out of this without any

medication

yes i did not use any medication at all

i came out of this dark depressed state

of mind

without any medication just by telling

myself that

there is nothing wrong with me there’s

nothing wrong with anything around me

everything is fine it is just my mind

that’s playing games with me

and that is all i need to get rid of

and i do strength from the spiritual

streak that i developed from my mahakal

and that is it

four years later when i stood in front

of the camera as an actor

i was there standing as a completely

different human being a completely

different person

and i had a renewed conscience

and today let me tell you that i

am an actor

who gets appreciation and love from all

you people

for all the work that i do from the way

i emote is all thanks to what i have

become as a person from inside

after going through all this so

let me tell you that please do not ever

let yourself be affected by any sort of

state where

you feel depressed or whatever

negativity that you have

you must tell yourself that this is not

it this is not the end of it

you must must must talk to people

you must talk to your family and tell

them that this is how you’re feeling and

i’m sure you will head

have the help you will get the help from

the people from the people who love you

from the friends who love you

and you will be out of it sooner than

you know

and life is very beautiful

let’s value our life let’s value the

gift

that god has given us it is the greatest

gift that he’s given us

let us value it let us live it and let’s

make the most of it

and do some good work and concentrate on

good karma

and faith be positive stay positive

and this is sudan supernatural signing

off thank you once

again tedx golden bridge for giving me

this platform to speak my heart out

i hope uh whatever i’ve shared with you

guys is something that you can take back

home and if you ever feel slightly

negative you can deal with it

with the way i told you and i’ll be very

happy if i

if this can be of any help to you guys

thank you so much once again

jai hind jai mahakal and jay sridham

god bless