The Stories We Tell Ourselves

[Applause]

[Music]

stories

hold a special place in the human heart

and mind they’re easy to remember

morally instructive and more often than

not

quite enjoyable so with that in mind i’m

going to share a number my personal

stories

with you today they all may differ from

one another

in the details but they share one big

thing in common

they can teach you a lot about me

because they taught me a lot about

myself

just a word of warning before we get

into them these stories cover some very

deep topic matter and they happened at

some of the most foundational moments

in my life so i caution you against

taking them

too lightly now

in first grade i peed my pants

there was nothing pretty about it but it

wasn’t my fault you see

see i’d asked the teacher if i could go

to the bathroom but she said i couldn’t

since there was somebody already out in

the bathroom

and that person well they were taking

their sweet

time so i just kind of sat there in

quiet agony

until before i knew it the deed was done

below me lay a giant clearish yellowish

puddle

and my pants adequately reflected the

situation as well

now i knew this meant two things one

there would be social repercussions

you see first graders aren’t allowed to

pee their pants

kindergarteners maybe preschoolers

definitely but first graders definitely

not

secondly i knew that if my teacher found

out well that’d be a whole nother basket

of goodies but i was a smart little boy

you see

i had noticed that just seconds before

my incident my classmate had dropped the

contents of his entire water bottle

all over the floor in fact his accident

was what allowed mine to go unnoticed

so when the teacher came over and asked

dave

what happened i quickly responded i

dropped my water

she didn’t buy it turns out water isn’t

yellowish

so she asked one more time david what

really happened and i said

that it was actually juice

she bought it she actually bought it she

brought me over to the side and she said

david

you know we don’t bring juice to school

and i said that i completely

understood there was no chance i would

do something so

irresponsible in the future and then all

the little kitties grabbed paper towels

and cleaned up my pee

i mean juice

so why do i tell this story well

i questioned the morality of my actions

that day you see i’d always been told

that lying was wrong

but i just saved myself a bunch of

headaches by doing just that

was it really worth it to tell the truth

and face social persecution at the hands

of vicious seven-year-olds

or were my actions justified

my little brain had stumbled upon an

ethical inquiry and i think about it to

this day

questions and life experiences like this

have encouraged me to study

philosophy and psychology and find out

how others have answered

what i like to call the pp problem

i might not always agree with what they

have to say but it’s always worth

hearing them out

for my second traumatic childhood story

we hop over to second grade

i was out there in class and it was

snack time so we kiddies had a little

free time to do as we pleased

two girls in the class said to each

other hey let’s go check out how our

plants are growing

and i being the ladies man that i was

and still am by the way

i said to them hey wait up and followed

after

now our plants were by the window

understandable they needed sunlight

after all

but also by the window was a table and

on that table were three things of

importance for this story

one a stack of folders two

a freshly brewed mug of coffee and three

a stack of freshly written papers now

in my great haste to catch up with my

lady friends

my arm had accidentally knocked into the

stack of folders

which in turn knocked into that mug of

coffee which in turn

spilled its contents all over those

essays

i was frozen there was no chance i could

lie my way

out of this one before i knew it the

teacher had re-entered the room

and was asking who did it suddenly

a group of 20 second graders encircled

me

he shot up their grubby little arms and

pointed their cheeto dusted fingers

straight in my direction

the worst part of it all the true dagger

in my back

was when my best friend austin joined in

he was the last to enter the circle but

i swear he was the proudest of them all

it was a true a2 brutus moment for me

now if any of you know me well you’ll

know that i’m often very critical of

myself

i spent the rest of snack time crying

into my goldfish

when i got home my mom could clearly

tell that something was wrong

she asked what had happened i said oh

nothing but she just kept digging until

i eventually

tearfully spilled the beans when she

heard what had happened

she said oh that’s it

accidents happen it was beyond your

control and after a few more hours of

sulking around

i started to agree with her and that’s

actually the biggest lesson i took out

of this one

it’s that sometimes things are beyond

your control

you can’t always bear the weight of the

world on your shoulders

the second lesson i took out of this if

i can put it metaphorically

is that you got to keep an eye on where

our limbs are at

don’t get so distracted by your goals

that you forget how you’re acting

on your journey towards those goals the

ends very rarely justify a moral means

and it’s those little actions repeated

day after day that make us who we are

not so-called rewards at the so-called

finish line

the last lesson i took out of this was

that you have to stick by your friends

even if everyone else is standing

against them you have to be courageous

and do what’s in their best interest

otherwise you might end up getting

called out in a tedx talk

now my last childhood story actually

occurred before the other two

but i mention it now because it could

have ended far far worse

i was about five years old at the time

and i was sat there on my living room

floor

next to me was my neighbor and her eyes

were glued to the tv

but mine were glued to far something far

more exciting my favorite toy

magnetics now magnetics were a modern

marvel

they were basically legos that harnessed

the awesome power of magnetism

and among them i had a favorite piece it

was a small magnetic ball

about the size of a marble i looked at

one of them

and in a stroke of sheer brilliance i

thought to myself

hey i could be a fountain

and since i had been told from a young

age to follow my dreams

i decided to give it a try i nudged my

neighbors said watch this

and then loaded three of them into my

mouth

i sent the first one out decent height

decent distance

but i knew i could do better i give the

second one a little more oomph and sure

enough it went a little higher and a

little farther

this last one this last one was going to

be the one

so i cocked that baby back further into

my throat than i had the other two

and i was ready to send it flying

unfortunately when i went to fire it

didn’t quite

exit the barrel stayed stuck in my

throat

rather deep in my throat at that thought

to myself hey no biggie i can just

swallow so i gave that a try

it didn’t work tried swallowing a little

harder

still didn’t work before i knew it i was

choking

but the funniest part about that was

that i didn’t know what choking was

at the time i tried to get my neighbor’s

attention

and show her what was happening to me

but her eyes had been drawn back to the

tv

turns out my show wasn’t very

entertaining

i eventually made eye contact with my

mother in the other room

and by this point i was purple she made

a huge commotion my grandmother came

running in

and she started the heimlich maneuver

and on the third thrust

that baby flew the farthest of them all

then and there i learned virtually

nothing from that event

my mom and dad told me i could no longer

play with magnetics i asked why

they said you almost died i said so what

needless to say i was far too young to

grasp the gravity of that situation

that i could have sustained serious

injury and that i could have even died

and that’s just it life can truly end at

any moment

on account of the most absurd things

and that’s why it’s so important to live

intentionally

to make every moment count but in order

to do this you need to figure out now

as opposed to later what you truly

believe in and value

to do this i’d encourage you to take a

stroll down memory lane yourself

see these lessons that i presented today

they’re especially important for me

because these events took place in my

life reflecting on the memories and

stories that come to your mind

will show you which lessons are

especially important for you

think back to a time when you didn’t act

like you know you should have

figure out what specifically went wrong

and resolve to making the right choice

the next time you find yourself in a

similar situation

but also important is to recognize when

you’ve gleaned most all useful

information out of a story

and now need to let go learn to forgive

yourself

because relentlessly beating yourself up

makes you weaker

not stronger and lastly

these stories have to do with what you

make of life’s purpose

whether you realize it or not that first

story

has me thinking about my desire to live

honestly and courageously

the second my desire to stay focused on

my goals

yet act consciously and graciously on a

day-to-day basis

and the last that encounter with death

there’s nothing that so effectively

forces us to take a step back

and consider our views about the

afterlife

god and the meaning of it all

think back in your life to a close call

like the one i had

or perhaps more effectively to the death

of a loved one

but this time don’t shy away from those

questions that come up

don’t just let them gradually subside

instead

work through them and continue to work

through them every day

of your life so what’s the big takeaway

well it comes down to this reflect

and resolve find out what you’ve been

trying to tell yourself

for so long and listen then

make the changes that will make you the

hero and all of your stories

and memories to come take

10 minutes out of your day today and

maybe 10 tomorrow

make a habit out of reflection because

we’re all depending on you to become the

best

version of yourself and hey

before you know it you’ll have grown

enough that you can confidently

and courageously say yes

that mysterious liquid on the floor is

my pee

thank you

you