Finding Your Inner Strength

have you ever imagined what it looks

like inside the mind of a teenager

i would suspect it looks something like

this

in this day and age it’s difficult for

teenagers and i think even more with

social media

and covid i’m going to tell you a story

that i’ve never told in this level of

detail about a 16 year old girl who

graduated from seminole high school

back in the 90s the story takes place

during her junior year of high school

so exciting things are happening she

just got on the varsity soccer team

her grades are excellent and really life

is perfect

the only thing that she has to worry

about is her homework and if the boy she

has a crush on is going to ask her out

but then she wakes up one morning and

life seems very different

she’s having trouble remembering almost

everything that’s happening

she goes to school and as she’s walking

through the hallways

she’s having difficulty finding what

class she should be in

and yet she can’t remember what class

she just came from

she woke up it’s like she woke up

and she was in the middle of this

nightmare where she couldn’t recall

anything

she decides that she’s going to go to

soccer practice and she anticipates that

things will normalize when she gets

there

but as she’s having difficulty dribbling

the ball between cones

her coach is getting frustrated

wondering why she’s not trying harder at

that drill

a drill that a week or two ago she could

do with ease

fear and anxiety set in her grades are

plummeting

and her days now are spent navigating

how to hide what is going on so she

doesn’t look different from her friends

especially the stutter that has started

while she’s speaking

it’s important to blend in in high

school

because kids can be cruel she carpools

to school with a group of girls

and while she’s standing around one day

she forgets if she had driven that day

one of the boys in the group said you’re

so stupid

you can’t even remember if you drove

your car to school today

and walks away laughing unfortunately

that’s how she felt stupid

she was 16 years old she just got her

driver’s license

and she couldn’t even remember where she

parked her car so she was terrified to

go anywhere by herself

over the next few months things continue

to get worse

her parents are awesome but they’re

wondering why she keeps coming up with

convenient excuses as to why she hasn’t

done her chores little do they know they

haven’t received all the messages her

teachers have left on the answering

machine

because she has become a magician at

coming home

and deleting them off before they get

home those are the same teachers

that are calling her up in class and

asking if she’s doing drugs

or if there’s anything bad happening at

home that she wants to talk about

it’s around this time that she falls

into a deep depression

her immune system breaks down so much

that she’s diagnosed with mononucleosis

and her doctor says that she needs to

stay home for six weeks on virtual

school

at that time there was no video or

anything like that

really just a speaker phone and she’s

happy to hide away at home

her mother knows something is going on

but she hasn’t quite figured out what it

is

so she makes a doctor’s appointment

after she recovers from the

mononucleosis

she goes to the doctor they do a scan of

her brain

where they put a bunch of electrodes on

and she actually looks like she stuck

her finger in a light socket when

they’re finished

her hair sticking out at all angles from

the sticky goo

but the doctor is able to give her

answers

the doctor tells her she’s had a brain

bleed and that she’s suffering from

post-traumatic head injury

you would think that by hearing this

news and knowing that what was going on

wasn’t her fault would ease her mind

but then the doctor tells her that the

brain takes years to heal

now she knows that really this is the

beginning

the nightmare has just begun and it

wasn’t ending anytime soon

what would you do if you were her

she can’t imagine going through one more

day of this

much less years

what would you say if i told you she got

through college

and that today she’s a cardiovascular

service line manager for a large 15

hospital system

standing in the shoes of that 16 year

old girl

i would have never thought that i could

be where i am today

the story that i just shared was my

story

when i was 16 years old i was a

passenger in a car accident on the way

home from soccer practice

at the scene i appeared fine to the

naked eye so they put my friend in the

ambulance and she was complaining of

neck pain

my parents came and picked me up and

they took me to the emergency room to

get checked out

upon entering the emergency room i was

told that they asked me all the normal

questions

what month is it can you count backwards

from 100 and then i could not even

perform these easy tasks

my mother told me that the emergency

room was decorated all in halloween

decorations

and i couldn’t even tell them that the

month was october

they did a cat scan and they told my

parents i had a concussion

and to take me home no

nothing to monitor nothing to look out

for but just that

she can stay home from school tomorrow

and rest maybe take a week or two off

from soccer

what i found out many years later

is that after an accident and a head

injury

a bleed sometimes will not show up for

up to 48 hours

so mine was missed these are my friends

from high school that helped me get

through this and i’m still friends with

all of them today and very grateful

the next three to four years after that

accident were grueling

the first two i barely remember any

events

what i do remember is how alone i felt

and how fun it looked like what

everybody else was having you know it’s

supposed to be the best years of your

life

high school i was so

angry and i felt so isolated from my

friends

i kept wondering why had this happened

to me it seemed so

unfair and then i was so guilty because

i was so angry

so many other people suffer much worse

injuries

when they have accidents but

i was able to move on from here and i

started going through the stages of

grief

i decided to go to college in tennessee

to get away from it all a fresh start

but i’m here to tell you whatever issues

you have

they follow you wherever you go i did

however

meet the first love of my life that

helped me through

much of this time once i hit the

acceptance stage

i started investigating what had

happened to me trying to understand it

better what do i need to do to get past

this

and i became fascinated and by the

medical field

i was blessed to be accepted into the

cardiovascular technology program

at santa fe community college and i

graduated when i was 21

into a career that i absolutely fell in

love with

i’m still extremely passionate about

this today

i worked hard in the hospital moving up

to the position that i’m in now

and i think being in this accident made

me more empathetic

and compassionate for people i learned

to listen more and talk less

i learned that you never know what

people what is going on with somebody

around you

you have no idea so above all else

be kind i think teenagers more than any

other age group

are stereotyped into this oh they’re

just moody

teenagers are the greatest keepers of

feelings and secrets

and now with instagram and snapchat

everybody’s life looks so great when i

know

many people are probably struggling on

the inside

you don’t have to experience what i

experienced

to feel overwhelmed or hopeless or

depressed

if you’re feeling this way talk to

someone

it doesn’t have to be a best friend if

you’re feeling like things aren’t

getting better

talk to somebody else it took me years

to find a counselor that i finally

connected with

that helped me realize that i was

had this huge fear of failure

and she also helped me realize my

strengths

i have the luxury of looking in the

rearview mirror at this point

i would never would have imagined all

the joy

that i would have in my life that i

would be able to become a mother to two

amazing children

that i would have a career where i learn

new things

every single day i’ve seen beautiful

places

and i’ve made amazing memories

with friends and family

things will get better

nothing ever goes on the timeline that

you would expect it to

that car accident was the worst

and the best event of my life i would

not wish it on my worst enemy

but what it did do is it let me realize

how strong i was i had no idea the

strength that i had

that persistence pays off that out of

failure and mistakes

comes learning and improvement

one of my most favorite recent quotes

that i heard a childhood friend say is

no one gets to the top of a mountain

by being gently lowered from the clouds

you will do

amazing things and you do not know

when you’re 16 years young what that

means

it will take hard work it will take

persistence and it will take caring for

people

but it will be worth it

if anything that i have said resonates

with you today

know that if i can do it you can do it

for many years i didn’t feel normal this

is actually a birthday card i got for

one of my best friends that you saw in

that earlier picture that i grew up with

there are people that are there for you

even though you don’t feel it at the

time

they are there for you my final message

would be

hold your friends and family close to

your heart

and share what you are feeling i went

through some dark times

and i thought things could not get

better what they did

they did get better

and if someone is listening to this as

feeling the same way

one day you will wake up maybe not on

the timeline you would like

but you will wake up and you will feel

better and you will have a beautiful

life too

thank you