Strength is an Inside Job

[Applause]

quick glimpse into my childhood i’m not

gonna take really long but

that’s me now the thing is i grew up

in india i was born in england and i

moved here at the age of three

and i have to say that i had an

upbringing that was

as indian as it gets i’m indian at heart

and i grew up really having a childhood

that was really quite carefree

no no stresses about an identity crisis

or worrying about

you know what i was or what people

perceived me to be

and um i have to say i’m hoping that

most people can relate to that kind of a

childhood you know

everything is really carefree nothing

much stresses you out

what begins now though as we get older

and

maybe i probably i’m hoping i look kind

of young but i’ll tell you how old i am

in a second

but when we end when we enter our teens

or at least when i did

there was a lot of self-talk that

happened in my head

and a lot of it when i think about it

now was negative

and therefore the next that’s the next

part of my

little story that’s me growing up can

you find me right there on the corner

i look happy right the thing is i was

happy

but this photograph did something to me

through my childhood

because all i could focus on was the

size of my calves

okay so they are what twice or three

times larger than my friends sitting

next to me

am i right now this made me realize that

you know what i

am bigger right definitely taller

i was also nicknamed macho man in school

and although i

didn’t have any major issues with body

image per se

it was something like this that would

definitely play on my mind and make me

realize or

or it would actually manifest into

something where i would be like you know

what i am slightly different

and i feel this part of childhood

everybody goes through is where you

start to get these feelings of

this talk that is somewhat negative you

compare yourself with self-doubt it

happens

i was somewhere around 12 13 early 10

years this carries on

through my school years now i was

sporting but i was big

which meant i had some skill but you can

see me there looking again

really happy clearly i knew how to pose

for photographs

legs bigger and whiter than most the

people around me i have to say that when

i’m

i’m able to sit here confidently saying

this but for a long time these pictures

were hidden

in my house as far under coffee table

books as possible

because i didn’t want people to see them

but all through school i was shy

underconfident when it came to public

speaking ironically

in fact all my report cards will tell

you that i really liked

speaking um in public and i needed to

participate more

but this was my my uh teen years and 14

15

16 um so i still knew that i had this

issue with confidence and i was quieter

but you know

luckily during my during these years no

matter how i looked at it

and what i remember is that worrying

about our image size and dieting and the

world

the world that we exist in today didn’t

exist then because honestly

when i think back now i could probably

eat so much

maggie more than you guys could probably

eat right now literally in one sleepover

so i remember not having an issue with

food etc but i remember having a

confidence issue

i remember having um you know these

these thoughts that kept coming into my

mind that were rather negative where you

talk negatively to yourself

and that was what um i remember quite

clearly

when i was growing up now as i um

as i grew up and i went to college i

like to call

these voices in my head just self-talk

because

i chose graphic design ironically in

school

in college when i went there and that

meant i could hide behind a computer

screen

and i didn’t have to speak to anybody

which was great because

that meant i didn’t have to interact and

you know have to meet

many people or participate or so i

thought because college

at least where i studied in london meant

you have to present your work right if

you’re a graphic designer you need to

have an opinion

and you need to be able to sell a pitch

so

in college i would spend sleepless

nights

practicing how to speak publicly how to

present my work

and let’s be honest there were

situations that looked somewhat like

this where

we would all have to display our work on

the wall and then

the teacher would nicely go and pick out

things that they would like or not like

at all

and usually mine would be in that

category because you know you’re

learning and it’s fine

it is what it is but i would never claim

my work when they’d be like so

whose is that just from their tone i

knew

i ain’t answering i’m just gonna sit

quietly over here and let someone else

just carry on be like they don’t know

who’s it is

great so there was a lot of that okay

all through college

and the truth is um

[Music]

when i came back to india after studying

i got through college i did i did all

right

um i was good at what i did and i was

good at drawing and i was good at

graphic design and computer skills and

all of that and when i came back i

started working for an advertising

agency

now i was you know still uh quiet and

uh not so confident but again it allowed

me to hide behind the computer

and through that because advertising is

a really stressful world to be in i was

able to

quit that and start my own design firm

which was a little better because you

know now i was my own boss

but that didn’t mean that um i still

didn’t have all the stresses of running

a business etc

and i have to say that a lot of the time

when you’re alone behind a computer i’m

sure a lot of you can maybe relate in

this room

you have a lot of time where you can

just talk to yourself i don’t know if

people do that and i knew that

i did do that a lot um and i would

really start to question

this was what i really loved doing i was

good at it

but i don’t know if i really loved it

and i would spend and catch myself you

know looking out of the window and being

like what

dude i wish i was just lying there in

the sun having a new

funny and just relaxing you know rather

than working to deadlines and that was

what

uh i used to feel like all the time and

this this quote that i found really

sort of resonated with me because back

then actually it really it really stuck

with me

because i wasn’t sure if i was loving

and enjoying what i was doing

what happened next was this desire to do

something crazy and different and you

know something that wasn’t so

quiet and alone i decided to challenge

myself and i was like you know what

i’m gonna climb a mountain i was gonna

pick the third highest mountain in the

world and i’m gonna climb it

i found two people to climb with me and

i did it and honestly this was a turning

point

and the main reason i think is when i

think about it now

is i need to get in some kind of shape i

need to get a little fit

so i thought you know i need to join a

gym much to the people who accompanied

me and thought you know what i’m just

going to run up that mountain i don’t

need to train for it i took it a little

more seriously

and i was like you know what i need to

train for it and

in the back of my head about this time

um i feel

cultured all things in society were

different there was a lot of awareness

about self-image and losing weight and

things were flying around now

um and i remember thinking that great

you know i can hit two birds with one

stone

i can climb a mountain i can get some

weight and the whole process i’m gonna

look fab by the end of this trip

anyway what happens

and what did happen is that even though

i managed to climb this mountain and i

got to the top and all of that

i didn’t lose weight but i became fit

because you know you need some fuel to

get up this mountain right nobody’s

going to carry you up the mountain right

so what does that mean you eat

okay so i didn’t lose the weight part it

got me fit

and that was good enough because getting

in to the first exercise class that i

decided to join so this is just jumping

back a little bit before this

where i was like a couple of months i

need to get fit i need to get to the gym

now this class like i said

was a changing moment for me as was

deciding to climb kilimanjaro

and those voices in my head because i’m

telling you i came from a background of

a lot of talking to myself

okay some people might think i’m a

little crazy but it happened okay

it happens and i’m sure i’m hoping i

think most of you can relate you talk to

yourself a lot maybe you don’t realize

it but now you will now that i’m telling

you

but this chapter of my life became a lot

more positive

not in necessarily when i think about it

then but i knew

that the conversation in my head was

different

and this exercise class actually changed

my life because

when i walked in there i was um

probably half the age of everybody else

in that room

these women right here in delhi not so

long ago

they had the energy that i can’t even

describe

they had the confidence they had this

this

attitude where they were just like you

know i’m gonna let loose

they were so serious about it i mean i

would reach there and i’m the shy quiet

little person and they’d be like

standing at the door

like aggressively ready to go and get

their spot in their gl

in the class and i was like wow this is

intense and then the music would come on

and they just start

you know warming up and ever looking at

themselves in the mirror and i’m just

like whoa

you know like who are all of them and

where is the space

but there was something about their

energy and the fact that they were all

doing it together i was just like wow

you know this just for some reason it

got me hooked

and i was like you know what i just want

to be able to not necessarily do

or look like them but i wanted to have

that feeling of letting loose

i just had never done it i hadn’t i

never thought that i could be so

free with lots of people no computer

screen in sight

no deadlines just me and letting loose

they

literally had me hooked i came back week

after week

and one fine day this is after a few

years of doing it my graphic design is

still happening by the side

i saw this lady this trainer she came

she was new she was covering the class

and honestly her energy and her command

when she walked into that class there

were 50 of us it was something that i

was like you know what

i want to be her and i just want to be

like oh i want to have that confidence

and i want to be able to feel like how

she feels and i want to be able to do

that to everybody else with such

easy command as just her coming up there

and the aura that she was able to give

the truth is though i realized that life

is probably and actually is too short to

have

just one passion or one area

of work or whatever it is that really

sets you

your heart on fire and i felt that i

wanted to be her

and the problem is that i needed to

prove to myself and everybody around me

which meant i needed to

re-qualify myself i needed to study

a little bit more in order to become

what i wanted to become

i wanted to create that energy and when

i look back now it had nothing to do

with how she looked nothing nothing to

do with her body shape or size

it was just to do with that confidence

and i really had this longing feeling

that i wanted

exactly that

and so i got myself certified as a

trainer i was 29 years old

when i did that and i was like you know

i’m gonna take it to the next step

before i’m 30 i want to open

my own space i just want to have a space

where i can do the same thing

that she did i want people to feel the

same way i don’t want people to feel

like they need to be a particular way or

be a particular shape or a size or

anything like that i just wanted them

all to join together and have a really

great time

and therefore studio 16 which is my

studio in delhi was born and i found a

partner who could help me do that

and we put this studio together and

it was incredible because not only did

it teach me that the challenges in life

never stop even if you’re doing what you

love or even if you found something new

you are never going to be challenge free

you are always going to have things that

are going to challenge you

and for us it was running a business

right for the both of us like we needed

to pay rent right

we needed to pay these trainers that we

had and we needed to make sure that we

gave a service

that was worthy of what we were trying

to sell

on top of that my fears of becoming a

trainer and speaking out loud and

learning to you know learn on the job

let’s say because i only became a

trainer two months before i decided to

open this space

and i had no intention of taking all of

those classes

i just wanted to be a trainer and know

the business because i had been on the

receiving end like the client side

and i said i wanted to be and create

that space so i had these two

types of pressure that were on my head

running this business

making it work and practicing and being

who i thought i could be

and thinking how i could create that

energy the same way that lady had done

for me

when i walked out of that class and

that’s what i wanted to do

today though i have to tell you that the

studio

this mission statement that i wrote back

when we started

we’ve been open for five and a half

years now we have about 300 strong

members

it’s a community it’s a space it’s a

vibe it’s energy

that absolutely creates this feeling

of of joy and letting loose and

i really feel proud and grateful because

out of those 300 members at least

200 of them have been with me since the

day i opened

right which is something that means a

lot because when i think about it now i

can’t i

honestly can’t believe that i was able

to create that space because

and i was able to command it with

confidence and i believed

in what i wanted to create

here’s a little glimpse into all these

happy faces just one of many classes

that we do at the studio

everyone having a good time including my

staff by the way who i threaten once in

a while to do a few push-ups

they can’t just stand at the front desk

and smile they need to be able to

perform a little bit

this leads on to a really interesting

topic pet dogs

this is important because i learned

that those voices in our head are

something that we need to give

um they need to be able to come out loud

sometimes

right and we need to sometimes keep

giving them to ourselves constantly

no matter what area we’re doing or

whether we’re happy with what we’re

doing

and whatever passion we might be

following whatever it might be those pep

talks are

so important and this chapter

is crazy because sometimes when i look

at this picture

or i look at any pictures of myself for

that matter firstly i can’t believe

i’m wearing not too many clothes okay

because i didn’t show my arms till i was

18 years old in school because like i

said i was macho man

right i was not proud of those big arms

which i am now you want to ask me to

show you i’ll show you them in one

second

things have changed so when i look at

these photographs or videos of me i

can’t believe that that’s me

and i really look at them and i don’t

see necessarily my body all the time

but that’s not what i’m looking at but

i’m looking at this person that i’ve

become

and sometimes i can’t believe that um

i was able to do it and sometimes i

don’t believe it’s me especially

moving videos wow when i started five

years ago there was no such thing or

instagram was not as mean as it is

mainstream as it is right now things

were a lot more about

a photograph here and there so when i

see myself actually moving and jumping

around

i am so mesmerized by what my body can

do

i used to hate on that body so much when

i was younger and i used to be reasons

for why i didn’t do things

or cover myself up i can jump i can lift

really heavy things

i can skip i could never do things like

that and

you know as my studio grew with me my

body grew with me and i was like hell

yeah i want to get big muscles i want to

grow i want to be able to do better at

what i’m able to put forward

all of that and the way my body was

starting to look as a byproduct of how i

was feeling

because i was feeling great and i was

feeling challenged and out of my comfort

zone

and that’s exactly what i look like here

and this is what i look like nearly

every day

through every class that i do i’m proud

to look like this honestly i have a

little sister

every time i put up this a picture that

looks like this which is every second

day because i look like i’ve been

through

hell she’ll message me and be like zoe

you can’t put up stuff like that dude

you’re looking

terrible i’m just like it’s the truth

it’s hard work

sweat is hard work i have some people

come up to me today and they’ll be like

please can you tell us a workout that

doesn’t let us sweat

and i’m just like huh they’re like you

know we don’t want to wash our hair i

was like huh

like what the truth is i live for this

this feeling

i can’t even describe it to you it’s

exactly how i felt when i walk into that

class

i was so energized i was so

i was so confident i felt so worthy and

that i was able to

you know push myself and achieve

something that i could never imagine

doing and it was the same person

and this used to shock me and it still

does every day like i did one of these

yesterday i’m gonna do one of these

tomorrow i’m gonna look like that

every day and i’m proud of it and i love

it

i can’t believe now these pep talks by

the way are still carrying on in my head

that i’m able to have such events like

this where i’m able to gather people in

big spaces

and really excitedly torture them

i love torturing them i want them to

feel exactly the same way because i can

guarantee that they will feel

exactly the same way because i felt it

and i was able to live it

events like this are just mind-blowing i

can’t believe that i’m able to reach out

to any amounts of people

um i have a huge focus on working with

women and fitness because i feel

women um probably don’t take as much

advantage of getting fit

as they should rather worrying about how

they look and their shape and their size

and i’m so grateful

to tell you that i never chased a

certain body shape or size

i never did how i looked was a

by-product i chased this idea of

confidence and you know what your body

speaks for itself

you can outdo yourself and perform and

do things that

with your body i mean our bodies were

designed to move

it’s absolutely bizarre to me when i

think about the fact that

there are people still who don’t right

it’s important and it

not only beneficial which you hear all

the time but it makes you feel on top of

the world and i’m amazingly grateful

that i can do this

um and have this platform to reach out

as many people

to hopefully feel how are you

the last chapter which i’m going to wrap

things up with

is i want you like i said i’m not going

to teach you anything

but i want you to take away a few things

that i think i

learned from what becoming fit

taught me okay and i think you can apply

this to everything in your life

and i tried to creatively you know the

little graphic designer in me

kind of make them with a few items

that i carry right here in my gym bag

this gym bag comes with me everywhere

okay now i’ve got a couple of items in

here that i’d like to share with you

oh but

not everything that defines me is inside

this bag

okay i could not pick my dogs or my

husband or my parents

can’t fit them all in here i wish i

could my dogs

loved it by the way over here but yes

what i do have in here are a couple of

things that remind me of why i do

what i do and reminds me

how far i’ve come and it also reminds me

through the day how important healthy

habits are

and they can be very small and they make

the biggest difference

okay now i’ve got in here

a very old style clock

right now obviously we have these on our

phone

but i just wanted to put it over here

because i want to tell you

this has taught me the value of time

okay exercise has taught me the value of

time

we all have the same 24 hours you can

make any excuses that you want without

whatever you want to do

you don’t need one hour three hours you

don’t need

even necessarily 30 minutes you can even

do something in shortest five to ten

minutes

of any kind of movement or anything that

reminds you that you’re doing something

better for your body and for your mind

right so this taught me that i should

not

waste or focus energy on things i can’t

control

the essence of time is so important

that’s all we’ve got so you want to make

the use of it

focus on where you can drive your energy

to things that you can use

and actually make use of yeah

okay so that’s my first lesson i’m going

to test you all at the end

just remember okay next one

this water bottle you can see it’s half

full right

well not only is this so important

because

drinking water is one of the keys of

staying healthy and we forget it

but i look at that and i think is this

half

empty or is it half full

right and that’s the way of looking at

life

replace your negative thoughts with

positive ones

right look at life in that way because

you you only again coming back to the

first one you only have

24 hours think positively believe you

can do something

and weigh it out and go for it i have

a box of nuts okay so it can be a bag it

can be a box whatever it is you want

this reminds me a little bit of my

nutrition

through the day so that i can snack

healthy those of you who are asking me

earlier

get yourself a bag of nuts very useful

but

this teaches me that i should be

prepared

right again if i eat a little bit

through the day i’m not going to end up

eating

everything i should have eaten for the

past 10 days in one sitting at night in

front of netflix right

so that’s a good reminder to be prepared

and make a plan

plan ahead have goals they really really

count

okay the next one

my jacket okay

so this jacket for me is just

a personal object it’s a reminder of how

far i’ve come

there was one time i would never ever

show you guys

my arms i just wouldn’t but this jacket

is a reminder that i need to feel

uncomfortable

through life continue to feel

uncomfortable get out of my comfort zone

and push myself

so this little personal object is a

reminder for me

the next one is my skipping rope

this thing comes with me everywhere

it’s a great reminder that i can get in

a quick workout anywhere

but all things apart from the obvious

what this taught me was to be mindful

when i started skipping which was about

four and a half years ago

it’s my preferred form of cardio but i

couldn’t skip

more than four to five skips in a row

right so that’s you know you’ve ever

seen skipping is like one

jump two jump right i can do 5000 now

without stopping

okay and when i think about it now

it’s been four and a half years i’ve

probably done 1.4 million

jump rope okay if i was to add it all

because i did it every day

as my warm-up and when i think about it

now

what it taught me was focus it taught me

to be persistent

and it taught me mindfulness

that alone time that i had with myself i

tell you was all positive alone time

those thoughts in my head were all

positive so this skipping rope has lots

of value for me

the last one a diary and a pen

all right this is simply

a reminder that in this world we need to

take our time

to rest don’t underplay rest

it’s important to take time to recover

and to reflect

on everything that you do and why you’re

doing it

and what you do it for and writing notes

is a great way to recall

what you did where you’re going and what

you want to do with it

so my six points i’m gonna test you

again in a second

which i learned from being fit

were all to do with the thoughts in my

head

they were all to do with building

strength and confidence that all really

started

on the inside and

what i really want to leave you guys

with today apart from these six

things because i really hope that

they’re gonna add value to your life

is a quick reminder which i’m so

i’m majorly reminded right now because

honestly apart from sitting on this

this has made me have to practice my

balance if you’ve noticed because i

honestly tell you

it’s kept me focused it’s kept me in the

game with what i’m doing

and that’s what life is you need to stay

focused

and believe in what you can do listen

to those thoughts that you have in your

head because they

really really do need some way to come

out

and be spoken right they have power

and honestly this has taught me that

strength

is nothing to do with our bodies as much

it is to do with our minds

and if it wasn’t for the stability and

the balance of how i was able to

sit on this the whole time that i’ve

been talking to you

it’s also that reminder that everything

starts on the inside

strength especially starts on the inside

and i just want to say a quick thing

before i leave

is that all of you guys who are sitting

here and who are studying or

you’re studying obviously basically and

most of you are working and i’m sure

most of you in this room have desk jobs

my little to leave you with is please

replace

your chairs with one of these you will

thank me

because it will fix your back it will

fix your posture because in order to do

this your core is activated

and this is my only tiny little tip of

fitness that i’m going to teach you

today

the rest i promise you including this is

all an inside job

thank you guys

[Applause]

you