Awakening to your own definition of success

[Music]

i

am a success i’m a business systems

analyst

i’m a professionally trained makeup

artist

but i’m also a proud author of four

published books these are not the only

reasons

that make me a success i’m a narratives

changer

i’m a try builder i am love

and i’m a storyteller now you’re

probably sitting there wondering

why am i telling you these things some

of you perhaps

even judge me who says that how

obnoxious

but i am a success in case you didn’t

hear me the first time

and i’m here to share my story that

you probably find intriguing i grew up

in lusaka zambia

let’s just call it society or culture

and that society that i grew up in said

to me

the steps to success are go to school

get an education graduate and get a job

get promoted get married have babies

have more babies build your dream house

and then you’ll live

happily ever after that was the formula

right a to-do list that society gave to

me

to check off every time i accomplished

one task

and then i moved on to the next one

when society said go to school

that i did i learned how to read

write and speak unfortunately

the school that i went to wasn’t

equipped to teach me about child abuse

so i did what culture does and to sweep

that under the carpet

and remain silent about it

like some of you this is just one

example

of the many things i’ve had to deal with

as a girl

growing up in this society

when society said get a job i applied

for a job

but there was society rejecting every

job application

telling me i’m under qualified or

overqualified

or not qualified at all get promoted

society even dared me

but the same society mocked me a

woman in i.t management

i remember sitting in a job interview

once

with 11 men on an interview panel

and one of them said to me now tell me

which husband would allow his wife

to leave their marital bed in the wee

hours of the morning to save the world

somewhere between getting married

and having babies my life came to a

sudden hold

it was a saturday afternoon

i went to bed about 1pm because i felt

extremely tired and i had this

relentless headache for weeks

i slept throughout that afternoon and

throughout the night

until the next morning when my alarm

clock woke me up

at 7 00 am i lay in bed awake

but i couldn’t move i couldn’t wiggle my

fingers

i couldn’t wiggle my toes there was no

movement coming from my body

after about an hour or so i managed to

get movement in my body again

and i went to the hospital i was

admitted

and the doctors diagnosed me for scanty

malaria

but what they couldn’t figure out was

why my temperature

spiked to 39 degrees every 3 p.m

and 3 a.m of each day a week

later i was discharged and sent home

and the following day i remember sitting

in a room

and watching through a window as my

sister’s kitchen party event took place

i couldn’t stand or sit for long periods

of time so i was unable to attend the

celebrations

at 3 pm my temperature spiked again

but this time those those something

different

i felt like i was going to die so i

quickly rushed to the hospital

upon arrival the male nurse took my

temperature

which read 41.2 degrees that’s like

0.8 degrees from being declared brain

dead

so here i lay now in a hospital bed

with tubes attached to my body and an

oxygen mask to aid my breathing

the doctors said all my organs were

failing

and all my senses had escaped me except

for one

hearing and no matter how much the

doctors tried to whisper

i heard them say to my family we have

done

all we can there’s a 50-50 chance that

she’ll make it

imagine lying in a hospital bed

uncertain of tomorrow

because the doctors couldn’t find out

what was wrong

and tomorrow turned into more days and

these days turned into more weeks

i no longer felt like this once

confident woman

because i couldn’t meet society’s

expectations of me

my life had come to a sudden halt

and i felt robbed of my job title my

finances

business had halted i had nothing more

to show for my achievements

all these questions began to bubble

through my head

hospital beds do that to you and i asked

myself

despite society’s expectations

who are you what defines you

what do you believe and why

do you believe the things that you

believe

what is your truth

what was my truth all i knew

was what society expected of me and that

was the definition of success

and as more weeks went by the doctors

gave me more cocktails of medication

i had to learn how to walk again but i

was in so much pain

if i have to describe the pain that i

was feeling

for any of you that have experienced a

toothache

or slid a disc or even tore an achilles

tendon

any pain associated with nerve pain

now add to that the feeling of walking

on hot coals

needles and pins your muscle pulling at

the same time

a sharp pain all bundled up in this one

bowl of pain constant over an

undefined period of time that is the

sort of pain i experienced

when i had to learn how to walk but step

by step each day

i took a few more steps than the

previous day

i began to realize that as long

as i walked a few more steps each day

than i did yesterday

then that was a success learning how to

walk was exhausting

so when i felt tired and i fell asleep

that pain instantly shook me and i

stayed awake at night

and i realized that despite my setback

i could do something about it that’s

when i began to write my books

i wanted to be the voice of those

suffering in silence

besides this experience wasn’t something

i wanted to remain silent about

and as i continued to learn how to walk

i decided this time

i didn’t just want to walk through life

but i just wanted to fly

and so when i began to apply for jobs i

wanted to push myself beyond the

boundaries that i’d set for myself

in my own limiting mind i realize that

sometimes you have to take the jobs you

don’t want

to eventually get to the jobs that you

deserve

and sometimes those jobs that you

absolutely hate

those are the jobs that count because

they’ll teach you the best skills to

last you

all of your career and even lifetime

after a year of recovery

i discovered my own

version of success and that was to be

authentically me and in being authentic

i learned the value of self-care

self-care meant to me listening to a

word of encouragement

reciting positive affirmations i can

i will i’m doing speaking to a support

group that i felt safe with

and i trusted seeking a professional

to help me through my unresolved traumas

exercising and resting and dancing

like no one’s watching because when that

music of life suddenly holds

who knows dance you will know more

eventually the doctors found out what

was wrong with me

i ate raw fish that had bad bacteria

and at the time i was the 16th case

reported worldwide

so you see i am a success

i chose to deconstruct society’s

expectations of me

and discover who i was meant to be

the moment i was born and then allow

myself to write my own story of success

in a positive way that inspires others

to do the same

and you can too you can throw that list

away with all its expectations

and timelines because we’re not just

human beings

but we’re humans still becoming

and i think what that means is there is

no one formula

there is no one to do list every single

one of us

is as unique as a fingerprint and cannot

be boxed

but should be allowed to write our own

stories of success

i have my definition of success

what is yours i am a success

are you i leave you with a quote

by annie sweeney a former president of

disney

and she says define success

on your own terms achieve it

by your own rules and build a life

that you are proud to live thank you

[Music]

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