The Success of Trauma How Challenges Make Champions

[Music]

something we all can relate to

is being born it must have been a

traumatic experience

because most of us came into the world

crying when laughter is an emotion too

right when was the last time you seen a

baby

laughing fresh out of the womb i think

it would be quite humorous to witness

and i would love to see it

maybe you were bullied survived a

disaster

or sexually verbally or emotionally

abused

all of these incidents are traumatizing

and not

addressing trauma can do several things

it can create difficulty to succeed in

school

it can hinder work productivity it can

be damaging to relationships with

oneself and

others it also increases violence

while shortening lifespans i’ve

experienced trauma firsthand and

i somehow remain optimistic about the

future

born and raised mostly in inglewood on

the south side of chicago

a community notoriously known for its

crime drugs

alcohol and sexual abuse i had a

courtside view of

drive-by shootings gang violence poverty

and more trauma could have made my life

lands

a little blurry but it paved a way for

limitless possibilities

i believe trauma can make you successful

yes you we hear about the devastating

effects of trauma

ptsd and its negative impact i’m here to

reveal the

success of trauma by presenting a new

form of ptsd

a post-traumatic success do-over

where you can clear your mental runways

and prepare for takeoff with clearer

skies

in your life speaking of skies

i was born on the 4th of july a day

where fireworks decorates our skylines

across the nation

it can also be a day where many are

traumatized

by the sounds reminiscent of gunshots

and bombs on battlegrounds

birthday my father told me that the

fireworks were

all for me and i believed him until the

second grade

imagine being in class learning about

those fireworks we’re actually a

celebration of independence day

and not you well let me tell you i did

not like the lie that my teacher was

telling my classmates on july 4th 1776.

so what did i do i walked up to her desk

and told her that she was wrong

and that the fourth of july was my

special day because my daddy

told me so and she told me miss love

have a seat and discuss this matter with

your father

when you get home i was traumatized

well not really but my daddy seemed to

be pretty agitated that she didn’t just

stick to a script that

she hadn’t been provided with what a

memory

if i listed every category of trauma

that i could think of

and i asked you to raise your hand if

one of them were applicable to

a moment in your life i believe that

most hands will be raised

because studies reveal that three out of

four people will experience some form of

trauma

before adulthood now i was taught to get

on the ground

when i heard shots fired as a little

girl i was in the middle of a shootout

for the first time

playing at the playground the second

time on my way to the neighborhood

grocery store and the third of many

father’s day weekend when i was

returning home

you see i know exactly what it’s like to

see someone pull the trigger

with the intent to kill this shouldn’t

be normal

and these are not memories that i’m fond

of nor memories i can erase

in summer of 1993 my brothers ricky

irvin and i lost our mother at the ages

13

9 and 4. that altered our lives

tremendously because she was only 29

when she passed away

and if you’re wondering she passed of

kidney failure and cardiac arrest

after she passed on i was raised in

several households fortunately with

family

love y’all i attended many elementary

schools

seven to be exact transferring between

four different schools in eighth grade

on four different sides of town in

chicago

i ended up attending two additional high

schools as well

i want you to understand that i

witnessed

and was exposed to far too much within

the first decade of my life

my second wasn’t much easier

every few months i would read headlines

in the local news highlighting someone i

loved dearly

or knew personally and it wasn’t for

good accolades

but because they were murdered many

memorable success stories have some form

of trauma attached to them

think about your favorite celebrity

who’s divide the odds

or a paralympian athlete like a blind

swimmer

or a socially enterprising entrepreneur

who champions for a cause that he or she

is committed to in many instances

it was their trauma that fueled their

success

mine surely fueled mine

my teen years were years where i was

exposed to true leadership

because i was never a follower i did my

own thing

in high school i became president or

vice president over

many extracurricular activities

including junior and senior class

i even presided over every student

council in the city of chicago

through the chicago district student

council association

so those of you who thought i wasn’t in

class enough in high school

well now you know why my traumatic life

skills

taught me to successfully navigate new

life experiences

my high school principal and school

counselor

were two of the first people to invest

in my personal development

and ironically enough i graduated high

school most likely to succeed

these experiences led me to creating my

achievement lifestyle brand called

success junkie

where i help people turn their traumas

into success stories

that inspires them and others to

persevere

my college years were something special

let me tell you

there i was at the largest catholic

vincentian catholic university in the

country

excited to build my future and one night

i had to run out of class to the

restroom

but i didn’t make it there because i

vomited all over the hallway floor and

later on found out i was pregnant

the rest of college was spent with a

baby boy on the way and a new kid on

campus

this was not my idea of success

i literally raised my son anayas at

depaul university nursed him in my

lecture halls in the back of class

took him to my campus jobs in the

dormitories where my boss allowed me to

do so

i was getting my degree no matter what

and sure

i was embarrassed being one of the women

who looked like me on campus appearing

to be

the statistics society could have set me

up to become

i used to tell my son he’s been to

college already because

we got my degree together and today he

holds a 4.6 gpa in high school

the next 10 years after college were

very trying

to say the least i was trying to find

myself

still how many of you do that

from time to time i think we’re always

trying to find

something just like i’m always trying to

find my keys even though i purchased a

hook to hang them on

that i never use that decade after

college was full of highs

lows eviction notices heartbreak

and more allow me to fast forward to

super bowl sunday 2017.

i had just completed speaking at a big

event and celebrating at an after party

while watching tom brady

lead an epic comeback in overtime

against the falcons

i missed a few calls thinking maybe that

was my dad calling me about the game

because i saw his name

and i answered the next call that came

in and i was advised to rush to the

hospital

i wasn’t even aware that my dad had been

admitted a few days prior

i was furious confused and hurt because

that was the last day he would be able

to speak and i wouldn’t make it to hear

his voice

when i arrived he was on life support

and i was devastated

we had countless tests ran and an

emergency biopsy performed

only to reveal that he was in his fourth

stage of cancer

with several other ailments that made

his condition worse

three days later on february 8 2017

it was on me to decide that my father

would never breathe

again that was one of the most of many

traumatic days of my entire life now

remember what my dad told me about the

fourth of july well

about a month prior he was in the

hospital and he told me a story about

when he was 10 years old and

at this point i’ve been his daughter for

32 years and he’s never shared this

story with me about

him going to the carnival or amusement

park

on the 3rd or 4th of july i don’t

remember the exact date

but what i do know is he found money on

a ride

and he was so happy to get home

to share his excitement with his mother

my grandmother i wouldn’t get a chance

to meet

however she wasn’t home because she was

at the hospital

and she passed away on july 5th 1974.

now i understand why he loved collecting

coins so much

i learned the reason um that he told me

i was so special on july 4th because

he himself was traumatized every

independence day

until i was born 10 years later

he called me his new beginning and

that’s what we’re here to discuss today

new beginnings because trauma is the

response to a deeply distressing

or disturbing event that overwhelms an

individual’s ability to cope

causing feelings of helplessness while

diminishing

sense of self post means

past tense or after the fact traumatic

is anything that’s emotionally

disturbing and success

success is the accomplishment of aim

or purpose and a do-over is the

opportunity

to create something new a post-traumatic

success do-over

requires you to face that trauma head-on

because when trauma is properly

addressed

it can create less difficulty to succeed

in school

it can boost productivity in the

workplace and in business

it can foster healthier relationships

while decreasing violence

and lengthening lifespans today

is your day to remove your mental glass

ceiling

and begin where everyone sees their

challenges as the end

so you can become a champion i like to

diagnose you today with ptsd where you

can grant yourself permission to succeed

without self-sabotage in hindsight of

2020

i have a vision for you for years to

come where you can

re-engineer your mindset and press the

reset button

only to realize that the sky is not the

limit

but where you start the next time

that you think of ptsd i need you

to think differently pt

sd not post traumatic

stress disorder but maybe you just need

a post traumatic success

do-over thank you

[Music]

you