Have The Talk to Stop Teen Suicide

[Music]

in the next

24 hours over

3 000 american teens will attempt

to take their own lives 17 will die

according to the bureau of health

statistics teen

death from suicide is higher there are

more teen deaths from suicide than there

are teen

deaths from diabetes heart disease

cancer or homicide the center for

disease control

states 25

of our young adults are struggling

with suicidal thoughts

teen suicide

25 that’s more than double

what it was just two years ago

teen suicide is a growing and contagious

epidemic

26 years ago my daughters

were in high school and middle school

we were a stable middle class

american family it was june

1995 the beginning of summer my

daughters were getting ready for their

summer trip to visit their dad and his

family

one state away that meant

shopping

[Music]

my daughter stephanie was 14. she was

in between her sisters in between

schools

and in between clothing sizes

shopping became an adventure outfit

after outfit store after

store nothing fit her and at the end of

the day we came home

with nothing except an attitude

stephanie headed straight upstairs to

the bathroom

i collapsed on the sofa grateful to be

off my feet

peace and quiet

then

mom i think i need help my eyes were

drawn

to stephanie’s left arm blood was

dripping

down her fingers onto the wood floor

the emotional part of my brain started

screaming in terror at the sight of my

bleeding

obviously suicidal child

the rational part of my brain started

flipping through the files in my head

looking for the date of her last tetanus

shot

i wrapped her in my arms and assessed

the wounds

they were not life-threatening have you

ever felt panicky and calm at the same

time

we applied bandages we made plans

to visit the local teen mental health

facility the next day

our tears finally stopped

our mutual i’m sorries were shared

and she slept i couldn’t risk

being away from her so we slept in the

living room

between us was a handwritten note

her promise not to try and harm herself

again while i slept

yeah right like i was going to close my

eyes that night

all night i stared into the darkness

and listened to her breathe grateful she

was still alive

my thoughts world what just happened

how did this happen who’s to blame

it had to be somebody’s fault right

what followed years of counseling

therapy medications hospitalizations

interventions

and 13. yes

13 more attempts

stephanie getting professional help made

it easy for me to sell myself on the

idea

that we didn’t need to talk about it i

didn’t want to talk about it

would you want to know what could cause

your child

so much mental and emotional pain

that they thought dying was better than

living

i didn’t want to know so i didn’t ask

i was scared of putting the idea back

into her head

so i stayed silent a

silence that lasted for 23 years

then on saturday august the 3rd

2019 stephanie

now 37 breaks the silence

the morning of her talk is sunny and

already hot the hotel was on the

outskirts of sarasota florida

i walk into the conference room and

greet the 12 speakers that i’ve

trained to deliver messages that matter

the videographer sets up the microphone

and projector

work the audience take their seats

stephanie is nervous and excited

you know that state you get into right

before you give a talk

she looks amazing in her dark blouse and

flowery skirt and her hair

pulled back in combs i am super proud of

my daughter

she’s first up on the speaker’s roster

everyone help me welcome stephanie

ashton

stephanie walks confidently to the front

of the room

and shakes my hand she begins

thousand teenagers will attempt to take

their life

today in the u.s

when i was 14 at the end of a

bad day of shopping i stood in my

bathroom

the pain of not fitting into any clothes

was just more proof that i didn’t

fit in anywhere

the pain was more than i could bear i

took

a razor and cut

into my left arm trying to end the pain

and my life

i’m in disbelief it’s stephanie’s big

reveal the

i the blood drains from my face as she

talks

it wasn’t my only attempt there were

others

outside of professional help i’ve never

really talked about it not even with mom

mom and i had other talks we had

the talk about sex

we had the talk about drugs

we had the talk about alcohol then i

went to college on a dry campus

that means the kegs were hidden in the

showers of the girls dorm

but we never had the talk about suicide

i still struggle with suicidal thoughts

in the back of the room my heart sinks i

go from pale

to bone cold for the first time i

realize the struggles that stephanie has

faced alone

because i didn’t have the courage

to break the silence and have the talk

about suicide

have you ever been hijacked by a bad

memory

only my 30 years of stress management

training keeps me from crawling into a

corner and just bawling my eyes out

stephanie winds up her talk with

on my suicide avoidant journey

i’ve learned tons of coping skills

now i want to help teens learn these

skills before they need them

yes before they need them

there’s not a dry eye in the house

including mine

the audience give her a standing ovation

some of them rush up and hug her and

thank her for being so willing

so vulnerable so brave

i’m frozen in the back of the room

torn between pride for her bravery

and shame and guilt

for my cowardice

then it hit me three thousand

teens attempt to take their own lives

every day

this means every day

six thousand parents start to live

the guilt nightmare this means

every day over twenty

thousand grandparents aunts

uncles brothers and sisters start to

live

the guilt nightmare

this means hundreds of

thousands of classmates teachers

boyfriends girlfriends and neighbors

start to live the guilt nightmare that

i’d lived all

probably just as blindsided by it as i

had been

then i wondered what if stephanie was

right

what if the key to ending teen suicide

was as

simple as having the conversation about

suicide before they need it

before your teen struggles with suicidal

thoughts

this is the missing link something so

simple so obvious that professionals

have missed it they’ve tripped over it

simple and obvious like putting wheels

on luggage

simple obvious like putting ketchup in

squeezable

bottles simple and obvious

after the event stephanie and i decided

to work together

who knew that was possible

we founded together the teen suicide

prevention society

our research showed us that

teen suicide prevention is not about

intervention and it’s not

about at risk anyone

it’s not about looking for signs

it’s prevention this means

having the talk about suicide before you

think

they need it we started teaching

moms dads brothers sisters aunts uncles

grandparents and friends how to have the

talk about suicide

the talk about suicide is a planned

science-based talk

it has a short simple script

based on how the teen brain really works

a script designed to save you from the

guilt nightmare

a script designed to tell you

when intervention is needed

a script that builds emotional

resilience in both the team

and you here’s our four-step script

for having the talk about suicide

step one invite your teen to talk

one on one and ask

have you heard about the rise in teen

suicides

step two invite your teen

by asking

just ask your teen do you have a friend

who’s tried or died

step three ask your teen

have you ever thought of leaving

that way step four

ask your teen what are your reasons for

staying

why stay ask what else

keep them sharing their reasons for

staying

if your teen

has thoughts of leaving and doesn’t have

any reasons for staying stay

with them and call 9-1-1

they’ll hate you for it and you might

save their life our students

share their stories with us like raphael

he shared 16 stories

of lives that that talk about suicide

has saved so far

he works with underprivileged teenage

girls

tammy had the talk about suicide with

her troubled son

they cried together he accepted

professional help

now it’s your turn

don’t wait

break the silence

have the talk

[Applause]

you