The importance of speaking out about your experience

hello

my name is emma clay and i am 17 years

old

and today i’m here to talk to you about

sexual assault

and i know some of you probably just got

a bit uncomfortable or nervous at the

mention of this

despite seeing the title or maybe you’re

even wondering

what a 17 year old could possibly have

to say about this subject

but the truth is that a large majority

of youth high school and lower

girls and boys suffer some form

of sexual harassment or sexual assault

before they are 18.

for me personally it happened when i was

14 years old

this is my reality something i’ve dealt

with for years now

and continue to deal with

this and this is my story when i was 13

i was diagnosed with severe depression

and severe anxiety

i was having a lot of issues in school

out of school

all around to the point where i decided

to move schools

at the very end of eighth grade and i

moved from a

private catholic school that i had been

attending for almost nine years

to a public middle school which was

a very big change for me i had never

experienced

public school life there were so many

different kinds of people

that i didn’t know i had been with the

same group of like

10 people for

nine almost nine years and when i went

to this new school i ended up falling in

with the wrong crowd

they were a group of not very nice

people

they hurt me in so many ways

and continued to even after i stopped

being friends

but eventually i gained the courage to

get out of that

relationships and move on

i got myself out which took more

strength than i knew i had

and over the summer i hung out with

people

that i hadn’t seen in a while and i

started making some pretty good

friendships

until high school came and i stopped

talking to them

i became friends with another bad group

of people i fell into the same bad habit

and some of these people weren’t all

that bad they were pretty good

they were nice to me and they respected

me despite

being younger than them most were

upperclassmen and could drive which was

something that was super appealing to a

freshman in high school because

i wasn’t supposed to leave campus and i

was supposed to eat lunch here

but the idea of going to some random

fast food restaurant and just driving

was

so appealing that i started asking

people to give me rides

and most did it kindly they just wanted

to be friends with me which was really

nice and sweet

but some had ulterior motives that came

out

eventually some wanted

to use me for more than

simple things like giving them gas money

which is

seems okay to me i i have to pay for my

own gas now

i understand that but through this group

of people i met two older males

and they displayed a lot of red flags

that

people talk about but i was naive and

vulnerable and i didn’t know how to

see and understand those red flags and

unfortunately something bad happened

with them being able to drive they could

take me places

where i had no way back and in the end

they ended up sexually assaulting me

they raped me

and that was a really hard thing to deal

with

especially because i didn’t even

understand what truly happened

i was dealing with my mental health

still and it was still really bad and

this made it so much worse

and i didn’t accept what happened until

around junior year

when junior came around about halfway

through i decided to try and have a

boyfriend

this this really really nice guy asked

me out and i said yes

i wanted to give it a shot but

i soon started to realize that i was

uncomfortable with physical affection i

couldn’t stand it i couldn’t hold hands

i couldn’t hug

him or my friends not even my family

i couldn’t do anything that normal

relationships

do like i couldn’t do any of that

and that wasn’t fair to him so

eventually

we ended it i ended it with him it

wasn’t fair i wanted

to try and figure out what was going on

with me so i started to talk to my

therapist

that i had for years and it started to

all

come out i eventually told her what had

happened with these two guys

and from there we talked about telling

my mom

i got to the point where i told my mom

which was so scary

i was worried that she was going to

judge me or think less of me

or think i deserved it i

many people do feel that way when

they’re taught when they have these

stories

but my mom was really supportive she

talked to me about it and we

talked through with my therapist too and

eventually i started telling more people

i told a school counselor and from there

the school sro and then

from there more police lots of police

victims advocates sheriffs all kinds of

people that needed to know

for my case because i decided to get

justice

and i am i’m getting justice for me and

sadly

for others as well from there

things have gotten better for me but

just going back

especially when you’re coming forward

with a story it’s really hard

to even think about coming forward maybe

even think about the event in itself

which is why something i did first and

continue to do

i do all the time still whether it be

regarding

the rape and sexual assaults or

the random things that occur throughout

my life

and that’s talking to myself sometimes

in a mirror sometimes in my car when i’m

just driving around

which is a really great thing to do i

encourage you all to do it

it’s an amazing way to voice what you’ve

been thinking about

and voice your opinion on this subject

to an audience that’s yourself

you don’t have to worry about being

judged because there’s only one person

listening and it’s you

from there after you get more

comfortable talking about it out loud

you can start to think about the idea of

telling other people

and it doesn’t make sure it’s someone

you’re comfortable with and you don’t

have to go out and tell everyone

it can be one person it can be a best

friend a parent

a sibling a therapist if you have one a

counselor whoever you feel comfortable

with

that’s totally up to you you decide when

you’re ready

and who you’re ready to tell one

suggestion that i do with my therapist

that she taught me

is playing with something i i usually

used a rubik’s

rubik’s cube which i finally learned how

to solve i’ve done it once have

never been able to successfully do it

again but

just messing with something in your

hands or drawing

allows your brain to have a little

distraction to where you’re not

solely focused on what you’re saying

which is an amazing thing to do

it makes you less likely to start

freaking out because

you’re distracted this is something i

encourage

to you to do and i do still today all

the time

from there you can start to tell other

people and more if you want you can

start to think about going to the police

but it’s totally up to you you’re in

control of your life

you determine when you’re ready and when

you’re not ready it’s all up to you

i don’t care if someone’s saying that

you need to start talking now

you don’t have to i really

don’t care what they say you don’t have

to you

do what’s best for you because you know

what’s best for you

this is you we’re talking about your

parent

or your friend they don’t know what’s

going on inside your head

and what you’re thinking about

so it’s totally up to you and i know

when you’re coming forward and thinking

about coming forward with these stories

there’s so many worries i had the same

ones

like with my mom whether she would think

i’m lying

which unfortunately people do lie and

people and now people

have to question the legitimacy of

others stories because of that

or they’re going to judge you and think

you asked for it but no matter what

you’re wearing what you do

nothing makes you nothing you did

made it your fault it’s never your fault

especially i know it’s an issue when

you’re in middle school or high school

school can be

a hostile environment sadly to say it’s

not supposed to be but it is

we walk on eggshells around making sure

we don’t say the wrong thing

or do the wrong thing so people start

judging us or boys

take that word or action you did and use

it against you

it does happen but you don’t have to let

it

if you stand up to them you don’t they

can maybe use some embarrassing thing

about your life but if you don’t act

like you’re embarrassed it doesn’t have

to

be bad to you which is

an amazing thing you have to come to an

acceptance in yourself

to the point where you don’t have to

care what other people think

i i still do but i work

to try and not to think about what

others say about me because

they don’t matter what matters is what i

think about myself

and i’m proud of myself i’m proud that

i’ve come this far i’m a survivor

but i was also a victim and you can also

you’re also survivors

of anything in your life and i’m so

proud of you for doing that

it’s amazing that you are able to get

through this

and even if you haven’t told your story

you can

but there’s no pressure to do that

there’s no peer pressure and i’m not

trying to peer pressure

into anything if you’re whenever you

know when you’re comfortable

especially regarding things such as

serious as this

one of my favorite quotes i’m gonna give

you before i go

is from one of my favorite tv shows

criminal minds

it’s scars remind us where we’ve been

they do not have to dictate where we are

going

which i think is a beautiful quote to

live by

i have plenty of scars emotional and

physical

and in all my past they’ve it’s created

me

to who i am today but it does not have

to define who i’m going

to be it does not it’s not saying that i

need to go and do this or i need to go

and do this i can

i can create my own destiny in a sense i

do what i want to do

because i do what makes me happy and i

have all my scars

like i said emotional and physical and

i’m showing them to you

because i want you to know that you are

not alone in anything you do i’m here

for you i believe in you

and i’m so proud of who you’ve become

and where you’re going to be

thank you