The Perseverance Triangle

[Music]

you may have heard about

life’s ups and downs and maybe thought

it would look like this however

as we are complex creatures and our

lives are even more complicated than

just

a single line representing our ups and

downs

i believe the chart should look like

this instead

there are indeed many intricate lines

that represent

many aspects of our lives now let me ask

you

have you ever gone through so many downs

at once that you felt it could last

forever

considering the current covid19 pandemic

as an example

i am sure many people have experienced

such a thing

and i experienced that too at a very

young age

so today i would like to share with you

the strategies that helped me get

through it

and i hope they help you survive even if

the downs have lasted for too long

i formulated these strategies in what i

call the perseverance triangle

so how did i come up with this well

it all started back in 2009 when i had

to face

a chain of traumatic events that

affected

all possible aspects of my life

first i got diagnosed with a rare tumor

that as a mother made me worry not only

about my health but also about the

impact of my illness on my kids

then the recovery was challenging and

ended by

breaking up my already unhealthy

eight-years-old marriage

and as if that wasn’t enough it was

happening

at the same time i was pursuing my phd

can you imagine the pressure of

performing well

in all aspects of my life when

everything seemed to be falling apart

affected my well-being consequently

chronic stress and panic attacks were my

companions throughout that journey

i felt like my life was a roller coaster

without brakes

exhausting me to the extent that i

almost gave up on many things on many

things in my life

during those difficult times i

constantly wish

if we could control the order in which

difficulties occur in our lives

so that we can at least handle each

separately

however what i then learned and now

i would like to share with you as my

first strategy is that

taking care of our well-being is a

thousand

times more rewarding than trying to

control our difficulties

and what helps in that is focusing the

mind

into controlling our critical inner

voice

the critical inner voice is the sum of

the destructive thoughts within our

heads

about ourselves and others according to

the cycle live report

this critical inner voice could be the

most

challenging internal enemy that we deal

with

daily it affects us by undermining

our positive feelings about ourselves

and others

which of course affects many aspects of

our lives including our

self-esteem relationships and even our

professional performance

humans start forming their critical

inner voices early in life when they are

exposed

to positive and negative feedback

experiences from their environment

for example when they are criticized

bullied or harassed for their appearance

their performance

or even their intelligence then the

fad these feedback experiences

accumulate within their heads

and that is why these voices do not

necessarily represent them in fact in

many cases they become

a reflection on how they think others

perceive them

so how can we control our critical inner

voice

the first step is to be aware and

receptive of those

thoughts then create a record of such

events

for example whenever a negative thought

pops up write it down

along with the emotions that came with

those voices

then try to consciously identify

the sources the motives and the feelings

that those voices

are triggering and the last and most

important step is to replace them

with positive thoughts and experiences

from your life

and remember even though you are the

sole owner of your thoughts

having a positive and reliable support

system such as family members or friends

or even professional help

could be very helpful in the process of

empowering your positive inner voice

moving on to the second strategy which

is to create

a survivability chart this strategy

was suggested by my counselor who was

advising me during the most

stressful days of my phd as

things were getting pretty much

complicated at that time

i thought of compromising with my phd to

be able to handle my other hardships

so i went to him and said i am quitting

please help me sort it out but the only

thing he told me at that moment was

i am not going to help you quit

go home take a rest and i’ll see in the

next visit

so when i came back in the next meeting

he had created

a big poster size chart where we would

track and review

my survivability so the chart

looked like this i used to check it with

my counselor

on a weekly basis and at each time

i rated my survivability on a scale of

one to ten where

one means that i am burnt out and ten

means that

i’m not stressed in addition i

incorporated

any positive big or small achievements

or experiences that would help me keep

motivated

then we discussed how i managed to get

through those difficult experiences

and during this questioning process i

realized how strong and resilient i was

to be able to survive even when i was

almost burnt out

this strategy in the end helped me

successfully graduate from my phd

while still having to go through other

life challenges at the same

time the third and final strategy

is to set achievable goals you know how

everyone is hung up on their long-term

goals but for someone who’s going

through traumatic experiences

long-term goals are a luxury in fact

if you set long-term goals for yourself

while trying to survive

you may be setting yourself up for

failure

and that is why what i’m recommending

here instead is to set

short and medium term goals and in my

case i listed goals to be achieved on

a daily or weekly basis for example

instead of saying

as a goal to get a job in one of the

biggest companies in the country after

graduation

i converted that goal into a set of

medium-term goals that included for

example to invest in

my leadership and management skills and

that

medium goal was again translated into

a bunch of short-term goals that

included for example

to register to a six sigma course

so registering to a course is less scary

than getting the big job now and less

likely to affect my daily survivability

this strategy helped me focus on on the

now and my daily

achievements rather than the big

obstacles

and let me tell you here even though

there were days where i felt

really exhausted and doubted that i

could continue

however the only constant thing i kept

doing was

to focus on achieving my next immediate

goal

that’s it i only focused on my next

immediate goal so

i survived the next day then the day

after

then the week after until i managed to

survive

the whole rough period with great

success

i successfully graduated from my phd i

got the job

and my health and family were stable

seeing my short-term goals in front of

me every day

along with my daily achievements and

survivability

helped me construct the basis to achieve

my

long-term goals without even noticing i

couldn’t be

prouder so there you have it these are

the three main components of my

perseverance triangle

and i would like to end here by saying

for those of you who are going through

difficulties remember that we

gain our strength from our hardships and

one day

you’ll be very proud of how you manage

to survive your downs

so my advice to you is to invest

in your well-being by empowering your

positive inner voice

if possible with the help of a wisely

selected support system

also utilize a survivability chart

strategy that suits you best

and helps you keep tracking your

progress step by step

and lastly set achievable goals that

will help you keep

keep moving forward as albert einstein

said

life is like riding a bicycle to keep

your balance

you must keep moving thank you