The Perseverance Triangle
[Music]
you may have heard about
life’s ups and downs and maybe thought
it would look like this however
as we are complex creatures and our
lives are even more complicated than
just
a single line representing our ups and
downs
i believe the chart should look like
this instead
there are indeed many intricate lines
that represent
many aspects of our lives now let me ask
you
have you ever gone through so many downs
at once that you felt it could last
forever
considering the current covid19 pandemic
as an example
i am sure many people have experienced
such a thing
and i experienced that too at a very
young age
so today i would like to share with you
the strategies that helped me get
through it
and i hope they help you survive even if
the downs have lasted for too long
i formulated these strategies in what i
call the perseverance triangle
so how did i come up with this well
it all started back in 2009 when i had
to face
a chain of traumatic events that
affected
all possible aspects of my life
first i got diagnosed with a rare tumor
that as a mother made me worry not only
about my health but also about the
impact of my illness on my kids
then the recovery was challenging and
ended by
breaking up my already unhealthy
eight-years-old marriage
and as if that wasn’t enough it was
happening
at the same time i was pursuing my phd
can you imagine the pressure of
performing well
in all aspects of my life when
everything seemed to be falling apart
affected my well-being consequently
chronic stress and panic attacks were my
companions throughout that journey
i felt like my life was a roller coaster
without brakes
exhausting me to the extent that i
almost gave up on many things on many
things in my life
during those difficult times i
constantly wish
if we could control the order in which
difficulties occur in our lives
so that we can at least handle each
separately
however what i then learned and now
i would like to share with you as my
first strategy is that
taking care of our well-being is a
thousand
times more rewarding than trying to
control our difficulties
and what helps in that is focusing the
mind
into controlling our critical inner
voice
the critical inner voice is the sum of
the destructive thoughts within our
heads
about ourselves and others according to
the cycle live report
this critical inner voice could be the
most
challenging internal enemy that we deal
with
daily it affects us by undermining
our positive feelings about ourselves
and others
which of course affects many aspects of
our lives including our
self-esteem relationships and even our
professional performance
humans start forming their critical
inner voices early in life when they are
exposed
to positive and negative feedback
experiences from their environment
for example when they are criticized
bullied or harassed for their appearance
their performance
or even their intelligence then the
fad these feedback experiences
accumulate within their heads
and that is why these voices do not
necessarily represent them in fact in
many cases they become
a reflection on how they think others
perceive them
so how can we control our critical inner
voice
the first step is to be aware and
receptive of those
thoughts then create a record of such
events
for example whenever a negative thought
pops up write it down
along with the emotions that came with
those voices
then try to consciously identify
the sources the motives and the feelings
that those voices
are triggering and the last and most
important step is to replace them
with positive thoughts and experiences
from your life
and remember even though you are the
sole owner of your thoughts
having a positive and reliable support
system such as family members or friends
or even professional help
could be very helpful in the process of
empowering your positive inner voice
moving on to the second strategy which
is to create
a survivability chart this strategy
was suggested by my counselor who was
advising me during the most
stressful days of my phd as
things were getting pretty much
complicated at that time
i thought of compromising with my phd to
be able to handle my other hardships
so i went to him and said i am quitting
please help me sort it out but the only
thing he told me at that moment was
i am not going to help you quit
go home take a rest and i’ll see in the
next visit
so when i came back in the next meeting
he had created
a big poster size chart where we would
track and review
my survivability so the chart
looked like this i used to check it with
my counselor
on a weekly basis and at each time
i rated my survivability on a scale of
one to ten where
one means that i am burnt out and ten
means that
i’m not stressed in addition i
incorporated
any positive big or small achievements
or experiences that would help me keep
motivated
then we discussed how i managed to get
through those difficult experiences
and during this questioning process i
realized how strong and resilient i was
to be able to survive even when i was
almost burnt out
this strategy in the end helped me
successfully graduate from my phd
while still having to go through other
life challenges at the same
time the third and final strategy
is to set achievable goals you know how
everyone is hung up on their long-term
goals but for someone who’s going
through traumatic experiences
long-term goals are a luxury in fact
if you set long-term goals for yourself
while trying to survive
you may be setting yourself up for
failure
and that is why what i’m recommending
here instead is to set
short and medium term goals and in my
case i listed goals to be achieved on
a daily or weekly basis for example
instead of saying
as a goal to get a job in one of the
biggest companies in the country after
graduation
i converted that goal into a set of
medium-term goals that included for
example to invest in
my leadership and management skills and
that
medium goal was again translated into
a bunch of short-term goals that
included for example
to register to a six sigma course
so registering to a course is less scary
than getting the big job now and less
likely to affect my daily survivability
this strategy helped me focus on on the
now and my daily
achievements rather than the big
obstacles
and let me tell you here even though
there were days where i felt
really exhausted and doubted that i
could continue
however the only constant thing i kept
doing was
to focus on achieving my next immediate
goal
that’s it i only focused on my next
immediate goal so
i survived the next day then the day
after
then the week after until i managed to
survive
the whole rough period with great
success
i successfully graduated from my phd i
got the job
and my health and family were stable
seeing my short-term goals in front of
me every day
along with my daily achievements and
survivability
helped me construct the basis to achieve
my
long-term goals without even noticing i
couldn’t be
prouder so there you have it these are
the three main components of my
perseverance triangle
and i would like to end here by saying
for those of you who are going through
difficulties remember that we
gain our strength from our hardships and
one day
you’ll be very proud of how you manage
to survive your downs
so my advice to you is to invest
in your well-being by empowering your
positive inner voice
if possible with the help of a wisely
selected support system
also utilize a survivability chart
strategy that suits you best
and helps you keep tracking your
progress step by step
and lastly set achievable goals that
will help you keep
keep moving forward as albert einstein
said
life is like riding a bicycle to keep
your balance
you must keep moving thank you