Toxic Behaviors We All Have Them

[Music]

[Applause]

i have a story for you

about a girl who met this guy that was

condemned by society

because of his emotional outrages and

lack of compassion

he hurt her he manipulated her

he forced her during what he wanted of

her

he put her in danger but then he saved

her

so she forgives him they fall in love

happily ever not quite

see if we had the chance we’d probably

tell her to run

as far away as possible from this toxic

man but what if i told you

that her name is belle and the man

is beast well then that makes it

different

right maybe because he suddenly became

an

awesome guy and they were perfect for

each other

but just like how teacups don’t turn

into cute boys and

candles don’t sing miracles like this

simply

don’t happen in real life

good evening everyone my name is mama

korenwatna

and today i’m here to talk about how

toxic relationships

and behaviors are tolerated and prevail

in our society

overlooked ever present

normalized our society glorifies toxic

relationships through movies

media and what is labeled romantic

let’s take a look for example at one of

hollywood’s ultimate love stories

the story of alia noah the notebook

i’d have to admit that i too thought the

notebook was the story

of my dreams but let’s truly analyze

what happened here

noah wrote aly 365 letters

one letter for each day for a year after

she left him

now it may seem as if he loved her so

dearly and couldn’t be without her but

the truth is

he was being obsessive and not

respecting her boundaries

and there’s the volatility with them

going from slapping

to kissing and there’s manipulation

with noah threatening to commit suicide

and

there’s physical abuse with ali punching

and pushing him

arguments these glorifications make us

find excuses for toxic behaviors and

tolerate them

sometimes even making it something

desired

but i understand what it was like to be

in an unhealthy relationship

and how that affected my emotional

health and well-being

and trust me when i say there’s nothing

glorious about it

but i’m not here to share my personal

stories i’m here to talk about how i

identify

the signs of a toxic relationship and

how you can too

according to leadership coach lolly

dasco signs of a toxic relationship

include feeling like you need to change

to please the other person

feeling like you can’t do anything right

and like you aren’t enough

feeling like you need to save or fix

them or

like there’s some sort of constant

uncertainty about what they’re going to

do next

but at the same time it’s not always

that extreme

see there are also subtle and typical

toxic behaviors

that are found commonly in almost all

kinds

of relationships in fact there are

behaviors that

everyone in this room is guilty of

so how do we identify them

according to clinical psychologist

samantha rodman these toxic behaviors

include

constant blaming passive regression

hyper-criticism constant negativity

judgment manipulation

threats inconsistency

and gaslighting

now take a moment to truly reflect on

your own actions

because there might be a toxic behavior

that’s never even crossed

your mind because i know it took

me a while to identify these behaviors

within myself and work on them

but why is all this important anyway

well other than the emotional

consequences of toxic relationships

studies summarized by tech medicine of

usc show that there are physical effects

too in fact toxic relationships can

increase your heart problems

and compromise your immune system with

your body always being in a fight or

flight

mode and now that we understand all this

we might think we never find ourselves

in the extreme range experiencing

manipulation

threats and abuse but it’s actually more

common

than you might think one of three people

will experience an

unhealthy relationship in their lifetime

so if not the two people next to you

then you

one of three that’s how common it is

and i may only be 17

but i’m one of those three and it might

just be people like me

and over analyzing overthinking

hypersensitive but fairly logical

teenager who

just might know the situation very well

see

i’ve been at a place where i’ve

distanced myself from my family

friends and goals

but after choosing to identify my toxic

behaviors and recognizing that i was in

an unhealthy relationship

i’ve since managed to discover my flaws

and my strengths and embrace both

so how can we work towards that for

everyone

well it’s simple really if you identify

with any of the toxic behaviors

just notice them and work on them but

if you find yourself in a toxic

relationship mt kristen fuller suggests

healing by maintaining a good support

group

being open about your experiences

don’t feel shameful and avoid self-blame

because it’s not your fault

and if you’re helping someone heal from

a toxic relationship

make sure to always meet their doubts

with confidence

be there to support and understand them

give them time to heal and help them

learn

to trust again

and trust me healing is important

i promise it’s important because without

having found the strength and support to

be vulnerable

i would have been trapped in a place

that’s impossible for the self-love

and growth i’ve managed to seek

we need to help individuals heal and

foster healthy behaviors

such as communication trust

support respect honesty

and individuality because it’s the kind

of relationship

that helps us become the best version of

ourselves

it’s the kind that empowers us to

embrace our full potential

empowers us to make change

empowerment that leads to the radiation

of positive energy

and in essence creates a greater sense

of humanity

in which we all can thrive

and hopefully now after we identify our

toxic behaviors

and help each other foster healthy

relationships

we’ll all be able to find our true and

healthy

happy ever after

thank you

you