Toxic Masculinity

you’re never going to believe this

but i’m in love with

an online forum devoted

to facial hair it’s called beardboard

and my brother and i stumbled upon it

this past spring when we were attempting

to grow our own quarantine beards

and if you know either of us you know

that this is ridiculous because neither

of us could grow a beard

in a full year much less just a couple

months

but what hooked me on beardboard wasn’t

the beards

but it was rather the community that i

had found it’s a place where generosity

is encouraged and cruelty is forbidden

where men can throw away the machismo

often accompanied

with with positive feedback and just be

themselves

as vox magazine put it beard board is

where toxic masculinity

goes to die but unfortunately in our

everyday

lives we’re shockingly different than

beardboard

we’re instead what other beard

communities are telling men look to the

beard club they

they tell men that they’re where real

men

beard the most out of their beards

and we don’t even know what this means

what we see

is that we typically reward the alpha

male that the ideal image of an american

man

is a six foot four macho stud resembling

rob gronkowski

he’s strong he’s assertive dominant

almost unfeeling never showing sadness

but you know if you look at me up on

this stage or many other men around the

world

you see that this doesn’t work for

everyone and personally

man-to-man bro to bro with the boys

i just want to cry loudly

softly alone with

others unadulterated weeping

but the expectations placed on men by

toxic masculinity

say no that men like me are pansies and

instead we should grow some chest air

man up a bit you see toxic masculinity

isn’t meant to demonize

men or male attributes but is rather

meant to point out the issues that come

from conforming to a traditional male

model

where did this model come from where did

it originate

uh in reader’s digest magazine rebecca

newman examines this and found

finds that pre-industrialization men who

cried

were leaders men who showed emotions and

broke the expectations of what we now

see as toxic masculinity were seen as

people with integrity

people to be looked up to but

industrialization shockingly changed

this somehow

as when men stopped working in their

homes on their own farms

and began working in factories that

relied on efficiency and quick tasks to

maximize profits

showing emotions was seen as a waste of

time

it would disrupt the natural flow of

things and managers saw it

as a loss of profit and this is where we

start to see

the traditional male models start to

originate

as men who work in factories teach their

sons that they should not cry because

it’s a waste of time

and these sons teach their sons that

they should not express their emotions

because it would disrupt the natural

flow of things even

post-industrialization

toxic masculinity evolved as when men

stopped working in factories

and began working in offices with their

brains

sitting down journalists warned that

they would begin to decay

become weak or god forbid

effeminate the solution

was sports baseball basketball football

all begin to arise in this area

in this era rather and it’s not that

these sports are uniquely bad i know i

love them myself

but it’s rather that they continued the

model of the traditional male image

the sort of rob gronkowski type beat and

this is where we arrive at

2021 as over generations this idea was

continued

and the expectations placed on men by

toxic masculinity are still here

but something that shocks me is how

toxic masculinity impacts our everyday

lives

and it goes far much further than anyone

would think

something as simple as wearing a mask or

washing one’s hands are impacted by this

idea

of the traditional man even pre-covered

19

researchers at ucla found that men are

50 percent less likely

to engage in safe virus practices i.e

wearing a mask washing hands staying at

home

the reason lies in the traditional male

model as it dictates that men cannot be

vulnerable

they cannot show weakness and the

researchers argued

that wearing a mask would show that they

were

submissive to the virus it would show

their weakness it would show that they

were even

ostensibly scared and as a result men

don’t do it or men committed to

masculinity don’t do these things which

is why we see

thousands of men walking around i don’t

need to i don’t need to go distance

there’s a 97 point whatever survival

rate or

the classic my personal favorite

hey bro can you put that up for me yeah

my bad mother it’s

it’s absolutely ridiculous men committed

to this act of masculinity

would much rather catch the virus spread

it to others and put themselves at risk

than they would

put a piece of fabric over their mouth

and if you’re thinking anything like me

you’ve already found the flaw in this

argument just using

a toxicly masculine ideal you can’t wear

a mask

what are you some type of beta male

let’s go man up

but even beyond kovid in the 20 in the

year 2020 toxic masculinity impacted our

everyday lives

in june of last year i marched in salt

lake city to protest the killing of

george floyd

and i found that i was one of few men

there

toxic masculinity dictates that men

cannot do things that are seen as

effeminate and math and activism or

standing up against social justice is

exactly this

protesting is seen as something for

women or

something that’s gay and last i checked

i was

a man and straight so something is

obviously going on here

in 2018 the razer company gillette

which i personally use as i know i’m

never trying to grow a beard again

issued an advertisement in support of me

too activists and their ideals

their advertisement strategy relies

revolves around

the best a man can get and they argued

that the best a man could get

was not the idea of masculinity that

allows sexual assault to occur

and even though this message is pretty

widely agreed upon

men saw it as an attack on themselves it

faced massive backlash

simply because it was activism the idea

is so

demonizing the idea of toxically

masculine men that

simply because it’s activism it’s not

supported

and it’s not as if a world without toxic

masculinity has every man being an

activist

it’s rather that masculinity won’t be

the sole factor stopping someone

well how do we stop toxic masculinity

how do we

change the societal expectations

currently placed on men

it starts with everyone watching this

right here by simply

encouraging men to take a step away from

this model and embrace traits that might

be traditionally seen as not masculine

you know crying when needed showing

emotions not needing to be dominant

or the alpha and over time just

on a more individual level on a more

relational level

men seeing other men doing this

ultimately results in a ripple effect

as the university of st louis found that

men who see other men

engaging in healthy habits feel

justified in doing the same

and as men see other men engaging in

these healthy things and

embracing not traditionally masculine

traits

the role the traditional role of

masculinity

just simply dissipates

at the end of the day i’m just a 17 year

old guy who can’t grow a beard but

i was hooked on this website devoted

solely to it

and it wasn’t because of the beards but

it was rather because of what i saw in

it

i saw a social change that i feel would

have incredibly positive impacts

on the world around us once again

the issue is not men but it’s rather

just men committed to this

act of masculinity the boys of today

will be the men of tomorrow and i hope

that they do not have to hide behind the

same beard of masculinity that many men

do today

thank you