Black Trans Female Empowerment

[Music]

this

is a viral photo of a black woman

standing nude in the middle

of the streets of new york city with the

words

the powerful words stop killing

us painted all over her body

it’s been shared over tens of thousands

of times

on social media this woman

brave bold unapologetic

is me she is the manifestation

of a nerdy little black theater kid

being bullied for being too girly

wait a minute you’re so pretty

no way are you serious

it may or may not seem like it but yes i

am

a proud trans woman

everyone’s talking about it i was

preparing to share my experiences

in dating cisgender heterosexual men but

we would be here

all night girl

i met this guy girl i met this guy

on tinder he’s so good looking and we

have so much in common

he likes shark tank i told him i was

trans he asked me where i was traveling

to

that’s really happened and even though

the word means

across from point a to point b i digress

we’re constantly

evaluating how men see us do they see us

will they see us but how do we see

ourselves

the residual effects of being measured

by having a man

in 2020 still linger for cis women

trans women and femmes we are worth

so much more than that i love how

author and speaker sonia renee taylor

says

radical self-love is not a conditional

experience

it’s our inherent existence

this is our birthright

so why do we fight that

what are the ways to radical self-love

for a black

trans woman

i am a chicago-born georgia raised

inhabitant of new york city a transplant

that actually made it out as long as i

could remember i wanted to get out of

the bible belt and find my own utopia

i grew up different thinking different

knowing i would always be different

there was no lgbtqia plus

there was just normal and weird

i embraced being different because i had

something to prove

i tried hard to be accepted but the only

thing reflected right back to me was

myself

it forced me to face my own music

i had to be willing to feel all of that

pain

and take responsibility for all of my

feelings

you know i believe the reason most lgbtq

plus

people are successful in their lives is

because we are overachievers

we channel so much of our trauma into

our professions that at some point

all of the negative energy we’ve

internalized comes

blasting out in the form of let’s say a

gold medal

or a world record

and when you feel like the weight of the

world is on your shoulders

nothing you do is good enough so you

overcompensate

we spend our development seeking

validation instead of

growing into our purpose and just what

being ourselves

these days folks share how it started

and how it’s going but don’t you want to

know

how you got there

these are my four ways to radical

self-love for a black trans woman

one be aggressive with yourself

because you are the focus be proactive

in getting

what you need for you because no one is

going to do it for you

no one’s going to build it for you i

used everything going against me

to fuel my own experience

i remember thinking as a teen

i’m not who or what i’m supposed to be

yet but

i’m gonna get there so i forged forward

with so much intention and determination

as trans folks we take hold of the reins

of our lives

we just paint our own picture of

ourselves that has yet to be created

i often say

no one can take away my womanhood

because no one gave it to me i earned it

i worked for it and i kept believing in

myself

nurturing it even while people pitched

their opinions at me

i literally endured years of being told

i would never but i did

and here i am

two don’t give a duck

how many times is autocorrect told you

ducking when you know good and well

that’s

not what you were talking about that’s

frustration

give no ducks stop giving weight

to the small stuff there will be way too

many mental roadblocks

silence those little voices that stand

between you

and your own personal greatness zora

neale hurston says

i have the nerve to walk my

own way however hard in my search for

reality

rather than climb upon that rattling

wagon of

wishful illusions

what does that mean create your own path

fear and adversity will always get in

your way

but push it to the side

i like to say what’s meant for me is

meant for me

as a black trans woman there are people

constantly wanting to love on me but not

walk with me

duck them because it’s all a ducking

illusion

i’m right here where i’m supposed to be

number three ethically non-monogamous

joy polyamorous joy

it sounds alarming doesn’t it yes well

what is that this is just my version

of unconventional ways to self-love

don’t compare yourself to other trans

women take care of your body

challenge the need to hold on to all

those things from your past

let them go things don’t always show up

the way that

you expect them to kind of like men and

dating

we’re taught from an early age that

things are supposed to happen

in a very specific way and maybe they’re

not

maybe that’s the lesson

to think outside of the box

because what we thought it was is

oftentimes not what it really is there

is just too

often a shortage of black trans joy

even as murder rates consistently

increase

we must work on ourselves every day

while prioritizing our happiness

trust me we need all of the help we can

get

and number four sisterhood

i save this for last because it’s so

unbelievably important

radical self-love for black trans women

is rooted in our connection to each

other

this is what gets us through the world

sometimes

second by second minute by minute

my sisterhood is my lifeline

every week i have a virtual check-in

with my girls

the most unedited lesson-sharing

conversations

you could ever imagine yes

[Laughter]

we revive each other

it gives me identity community and a

safe space to

be seen and nurtured

if it were not for the amazing talented

and grounded women in my life

i don’t know where i would be i wouldn’t

be standing here

to love yourself unapologetically

practice it maintain mental and physical

wellness by examining things

that you’re afraid of make those scary

choices

seek different answers step out of your

comfort zones and try new tactics

that’s exactly how we bridge the gaps

within ourselves

i encourage each and every one of you

to never deny your truth but befriend it

be aggressive with yourself don’t give a

duck

have that open relationship with joy

and set up your squad goals

because no matter where you come from or

who you become

there is a value to feeling out of place

because that allows you to make your own

thank you