Finding your voice in adversity
so
when was the last time you spoke up
a little black girl stands in the corner
of a playground
head hung low fidgeting
with the zipper in her coat lost in
thought
no one looks at her no one plays with
her
her mother her concerned mother
watches her through the school gates
i was that little black girl
and that woman was my mother
i was an extremely shy child
but you wouldn’t believe it now because
i don’t shut up
but in class i would sit hunched at my
desk trying to be invisible
i was so shy i couldn’t speak to anyone
in my class
i had no friends i was alone
whenever the teacher asked me a question
i would stay silent
even though i knew the answer to the
questions
i had a voice yes i had a voice
inside my head but i couldn’t
use it and i didn’t understand
why
at home i felt safe with my family i was
always performing
singing dancing and just having a laugh
my mom could see this but she grew
worried because
at school i was a completely different
person
i can still hear her concerned voice in
the back of my head
why are you not like this at school why
are you not talking
why are you so quiet what is wrong
back then i was struggling
with my identity
so there i was the little black girl
the only little black girl
looking around the classroom but all the
faces
the same faces
but there’s no one like me
my mom signed me up to a drama class
hoping it would bring me out of my shell
of course she knew behind closed doors
her child had a lot
to say the first few months was a real
struggle
opening up and connecting with the other
children
the biggest challenge was when i had to
sing
in front of an audience
i stepped onto the stage
heart pounding hands shaking
i stare into the audience a sea
of eyes stare back i don’t see
any familiar faces in my family here
i’m bricking it up here i thought i’d
feel like mel b
you know scary spies from the spy
skittles well she was meant to be the
fearless one
how wrong was i my heart
pounds faster so i look up but the
lights are blinding
i close my eyes all i’m thinking
is am i good enough
how am i going to do this what if they
laugh at me
the audience is silent
the pianist begins to play the intro to
my song
but i go completely blank i can’t seem
to remember the words to the song
the fear is here and it is real and i
am scared so scared i just
want to disappear but the pianist is
playing the intro
again and again and again
then
[Music]
something
takes over me
i feel like i’m standing outside of my
body
but inside i’m a mess
but i have to make a decision
i take a deep breath
and i
don’t need you to love me
i don’t need you
to love
i got i
got
what just happened i open my eyes
and sing to the audience growing
confident
every second singing louder than i’ve
ever sung before
i am finally using my voice and i
am loving it
this moment defined my childhood
i conquered my fears and i
found my voice
so here i am today a daughter
sister friend a confident and empowered
tall black women no longer a little
black girl
who has found her voice
i’m an actor producer and filmmaker
i’ve worked in the industry for over 12
years now
recently appearing in the bafta
nominated television series guilt
and the bafta winning primetime series
the cry
i have worked in theaters across britain
with olivier and tony award-winning
directors
i’ve spoken at panels on events on
podcasts
been featured in national newspapers
magazines and on radio
but today what i’m most proud of is
being the co-founder
of my film production company called
lucid dreamers productions
working alongside my beautiful and
talented sister mariah akandi
together we create international content
and tell diverse stories from a fresh
perspective the stories we create
give a voice to the people of color from
the past
and present who need to be acknowledged
and celebrated
today i’m using my voice to speak up
about why education is key to tackling
racism in scotland
and the uk and why it affects people of
color working within the film
and television industry
as an adult i can still get scared
using my voice to talk about the issues
that matter to me
because of the consequences i may face
i am overcoming those fears
i’m learning to speak my truth every day
and be part of the solution
fear doesn’t discriminate it affects
us all and it manifests itself
in different ways
i fear being a fearless
black woman in 2020
i fear being put down and silenced
if i speak up
but if i don’t speak up and stand up for
what i
believe in then who am i
if i could go back and give my younger
self any advice
is speak up
speak your truth when it matters to you
when you witness something that you
strongly disagree with
and about the issues that are important
to you
i really struggled to do this early on
in life
but now i know how powerful a tool using
your voice can be
but it takes practice and courage
my mom is my rock
without her i wouldn’t be standing on
this stage
today she’s played a huge role
in shaping how i think and how i
navigate the world
life is so simple if only we make it
simple she tells me this whenever i
worry about the future or if i’m
struggling with making important
decisions in my life
in the early 80s my mom left nigeria and
traveled to the uk
to start a new life with my dad
it was a very turbulent time
she was very vocal and was never afraid
to speak up when she was being
disrespected for simply
being a black woman but she did it
with absolute grace
my mum’s only five foot tall by the way
but she was always much taller to me
i don’t know how she squeezed me out
[Music]
but she managed to overcome many
obstacles
and challenges whilst facing adversity
and she did it
fearlessly and as the years go by
i find myself becoming more and more
like her
for example i’m not fearful of doing
things like
asking for a promotion at work it’s
probably the
scottish and nigerian blood that runs
deep in my veins
we’ve got a go-getter attitude to life
however i do understand how others might
see
doing something like this is terrifying
i understand there’s a real fear of
being seen as confrontational
if you speak up and ask for what you
deserve so
what i believe is fear of failing
is what stops us being fearless
i believe being fearless has everything
to do with the human mind and
how we think of course our social
cultural and religious backgrounds all
play a huge role in
programming our minds and telling us
what we can and can’t
do it takes a lot of strength
real strength to do the things that
scare or challenge us
i said it before it doesn’t happen
overnight
it takes practice courage and a positive
mindset
the brain is a muscle so if we can keep
retraining the mind
then over time like an athlete
it just becomes second nature
so why conform challenge yourself
do something out of the ordinary and go
against the grain that society has
already mapped out for you
now in all honesty if i had to choose
three words
to describe myself fearless probably
isn’t the first word that springs to
mind in fact when i was invited to be a
part of tedx cumbernauld women
and was told the theme this year would
be fearless but
initially i was flattered and surprised
which
quickly turned to confusion then the
confusion turned to me being downright
terrified when it finally dawned on me
the magnitude
of the task i was being asked to do
basically i was suffering from imposter
syndrome
and that dreaded fear of failing
i didn’t say yes right away
i had to go away and think about taking
part
but deep down if i was being really
honest with myself
i knew telling myself i was busy was
just an excuse to finding a way out of
taking part in this
amazing conference
i sat myself down and reflected
this is an incredible opportunity
why are you doubting yourself just do it
just go for it just go for it
i’ve spent a long time growing
spirit spiritually personally and
professionally
i don’t like dwelling in the past i’ve
always been a true believer in staying
in the present so i admit
i’ve often forgotten the important
pivotal moments that
have changed me and shaped me into the
woman i am today
and what i begun to realise while
preparing this speech is
at the core of every obstacle i’ve ever
had to overcome i wouldn’t have been
able to get there without being exactly
what the theme of this conference is
about
fearless
so i ask you are you
ready to speak up
you